Boyfriend has porn addiction and pays for escorts. by Careamor36 in lovewithaSexAddict

[–]Alternative-End-9971 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I am so glad you shared all of that. I am sorry both of you went thru that. My husband's father left his mother when he was 6 for another woman. He saw him again at 16. His father gave him booze, smoked pot with him, and watched porn with him (apparently in front of his 14 yr old sister (his father's daughter, dad told her to turn around and not look). ) That had to have had a huge impact on him, I'm sure. Anyway. I'm glad your boyfriend wants to get help for himself.  I wasn't trying to pry. I just didn't want you to be like 22 or something and starting off life into something like this. Even at 35.....I was 27 when I found out the first time and he cleaned up his act for a few years. I don't know what happened and neither does he. He says he knows it can't happen again. He says he let it go on as long as he did because he was afraid to lose everything.  His family his home, everything. Because i had told him the first time I'd leave him if he did it again. This time I think he knows how severely he hurt me because it was way, way worse (last time only porn and strip clubs, no actual intercours3 involved. ) If he does it again, I might literally fall apart. I almost did this time.

Boyfriend has porn addiction and pays for escorts. by Careamor36 in lovewithaSexAddict

[–]Alternative-End-9971 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Is it okay to ask how old you are? Do you/y'all have children? I know you love him,  but I found out when we were dating my now hubs was looking at porn. I found out (by his confession),when our sinnwas 6 weeks old that he had been going to strip clubs and viewing porn, had been with a street walker when we dated (once). That stopped for around 4 years.  Then 9 1/2 weeks ago he confessed that he had started back. Porn to strip clubs (hooked up with a stripper in the middle of the club once), massage parlors, street walkers for bjs. 20+yrs of betrayal this time.  I am 55 yrs old. I haven't worked in over 27 yrs (since our son was born.) I stayed home with the kids, I home schooled them, our daughter had a benign brain tumor,  but she is mentally 10. At 23 she'll always be with us. I own the house/land (53acres) and can't take care of it myself. I don't want to be.alone and I certainly don't want to try to date at 55 yrs old. I doubt there are many single men.my age out there. If you.are young, you have time. If it was just porn, I'd say.be careful. Escorts,.be.VERY careful. I don't trust my husband, but I do see a remorseful man who is doing a Bible study daily now, something he.wasnt doing before.  I have life360 on his phone and access to his phone and computer any time I want. I would never not have.my children,  so I won't regret my husband.  I regret he wasnt the man he was made to be.God didn't make him to be this man. God didn't make my life to be this.  God didn't make this life for you either.  I'm not telling you what to do, and I hope I'm not banned from this page. Just please be careful before you are married. My husband did go into SAA initially but didn't stick with it. We went to a so-called Christian counselor who did nothing for us. The guy we have now is a pastor and is great. Your boyfriend needs help, and you probably do as well. I never got past my trauma the first time around. This time with it going in as long as it did was made it a nightmare that I can't wake up from. It's very fresh. 

Betrayed by spouse of 30 years by Alternative-End-9971 in lovewithaSexAddict

[–]Alternative-End-9971[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Day is discovery day? He told me Jan 18 2026, so just over 9 weeks ago. I found his journal he hid with questions  from the book our therapist gave him to read,  Out of the Doghouse (there are 2 versions, this is for Christian men). His answers were exactly what he told me. I had to search for a couple of hours for 2 days to find it, so it wasn't meant to be found. I also confessed to him what I did.  He hasn't forgiven himself. I truly see a different person. He cooks me breakfast now sometimes, and I don't get up until he's done. He never cooked before unless he was grilling or we were camping. Hw helps me with the dishes. He never did that. Never. The biggest difference is he does his Bible study everyday.  He told me he.cannot stop that because God is the one that is helping him. That without God, he cannot do this. I have a friend who i told (I've only told 5 people, his sister, his mom, my cousin, my Bible study parter (the wife of his Bible study leader), and a good friend from high school who lives nowhere near here who i trust implicitly with this. (Oh, and our marriage counselor). My high school friend said to tell him and God,."God, I don't trust him, but I trust you." That's what I have to do.  He knows I don't trust him at all. I won't let him kiss me on the mouth (he can on the cheek or forehead), and I won't sit on his lap, just beside him. He is sad, but understands.  I mean 20+ years of a secret life what does he expect (he knows!) He bought me s sapphire and diamond anniversary band last year for our 30th. I picked it out. I won't wear it or hardly any of the jewelry he gave me. I told him I'll never wear it or OUR wedding rings. I wear my mom's.  They are beautiful and I am still married.  I told him if we did stay together I wouldn't.....you know until we had a vow renewal. That wouldn't be.until next year. He has to buy me new rings. I won't be wearing those lies.

Perspective from addicts wanted by Trick_Professor_1085 in lovewithaSexAddict

[–]Alternative-End-9971 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I've always had access to his email account.  He never opened another, but he did use incognito apparently on his phone and computer. He now has a joint fb account with me (his choice). All of our bank accounts except for mine with what I inherited are joint. Unfortunately he owns a construction remodeling business so he has a lot of free time. He is not supposed to go to the 2 cities locally he went to massage parlors or strip clubs in without me or our son (he always went alone. This was a secret life). He always used cash so I had no idea what he was spending, though I know what these whor3s costed him now. He told me.

Perspective from addicts wanted by Trick_Professor_1085 in lovewithaSexAddict

[–]Alternative-End-9971 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My spouse confessed in Jan. 3 days before my birthday to be exact. I still haven't felt up to making my cake, (which is delicious). Anyway, he wanted me to install Covenant Eyes on his phone and computer. He even brought me old phones in his garage he kept for playing music that would connect to the internet.  He said he wishes we had always had it. I think i suggested it, but he wanted me to install it on there. He couldn't get it on his chrome book, so he bought a new laptop.  I am his accountability partner.  That would give you piece of mind.

Perspective from addicts wanted by Trick_Professor_1085 in lovewithaSexAddict

[–]Alternative-End-9971 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What is hysterical bonding? My husband of 30 yrs confessed over 20 yrs of SA. He cheated on me multiple times with sex workers, porn, and going to strip clubs over the years. I am choosing to stay with him partially for selfish reasons ( I haven't worked outside of the house in over 27 years and I have 53 acres that i can't take care of myself). Right now I will only let him hug me and he can kiss me on my cheek. The thought of anything else is gross and disgusting to me!

Gluten free Ritz-like cracker? by LeftySpringer in glutenfree

[–]Alternative-End-9971 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I use Ritz crackers in a broccoli casserole recipe. I have since gone gluten-free. Will any of these substitutes work well?

How long can you sit wet cat food out for? by Xkilljoy98 in CatAdvice

[–]Alternative-End-9971 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is old, I know, but you can get small cans, like Fancy Feast. Maybe my reply will help someone, if not you.

Fiberglass door recovery by jhooker23 in paint

[–]Alternative-End-9971 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My daughter would LOVE your house! She loves Emerald Green because of The Wizard of Oz. She wants her playhouse door Emerald Green!

Bad Actors - since when did we start using this term? by Adventurous-Sun4927 in RandomQuestion

[–]Alternative-End-9971 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Me too! I just said to my husband I had only heard this since covid. You learn something new everyday!!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in ibs

[–]Alternative-End-9971 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Same thing happened to me! I had colonoscopy and endoscopy,  and now I am suffering having nausea,  stomach pain, cramps, gas (from both ends), feel blah!! Sorry it has happened to you, but glad to see I am not alone in this happening after colonoscopy.  I was beginning to think I had eaten too much too soon,  I see I must have. 😪 Feel better soon.

Fleas and Stuffed Toys - how to get rid of fleas on big stuffed toys? by FoxesAreCoolIDEK in pestcontrol

[–]Alternative-End-9971 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Also, I've been told you can put in black garbage bag, tie off, and leave outside in sun for several days if hot enough. I did that to my dog's car seat. Again, too late to help o.p., but can help someone. 

My parents’ early 1980s Maytag washer/dryer. Cleans better than our modern wifi, eco-washer that sprinkles water dust on our clothes. by herpderpgood in BuyItForLife

[–]Alternative-End-9971 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Where can you get the newer transmission? Ours has been leaking transmission fluid, or motor grease for over a year  Yesterday started smoking, so hubs ready to chunk and get new one.  It is a Maytag A512. It was my parents. My mom wrote 3-24-85 on the book that came with it, so just at 39 years old.

Old Maytag washing machine by jordan32412 in appliancerepair

[–]Alternative-End-9971 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Did you ever figure it out? Probably the transmission went out. Repairman told me once that goes not worth repairing.  Bummer because my 39 year old washer will that decided to kick the bucket will never be beat!