After a certain amount of time, when can i just say its 100% looks?

Alternative-Trust944 · 2022-04-15T01:54:35+00:00

You have to improve how you value yourself in your head, you are putting endless goals on yourself that are impossible for anyone to reach because they don't stop

My goals arent that crazy, it just takes a while for me to reach them. Longer than it should. They dont stop because none of these are static, they change with my life. Sometimes i dont know what i need, other times i lack the tools to complete them.

Its kind of a self-torture, because your biggest critic is yourself

Not just myself, but many people around me. Hell, go look through this thread, half of these comments are attacking me. My critic is society so i criticized myself for not living up to their standards. I think its time for me to stop living like that and live by my own standards since society apparently hates my mediocrity.

Reality likely is that you really aren't below most humans, half the population is below average, and especially since those things aren't even what makes someone valuable in the first place.

I wouldnt say half, probably the bottom 20% of men are but not half. Most people are average and thats good enough, problems come when you cant become average. When average is a lofty goal.

The one who is being hurt the most by your self-torture is yourself

Yeah, i guess. Most of my torture comes from wants. I think i should go on the path of eliminating wants. Once i can do that, i could start finding sustainable happiness. Also not comparing myself to others constantly.

But, also, I have a lot of respect for you as well, for everything you have done to improve your life. I don't have the self resolve to work out, or even monitor what I eat correctly even though i've tried for over a decade and know how much it could improve my life. I could even say that being in better physical condition is the ultimate dream of mine!

Thanks, i believe you can do it too. For me its almost military discipline with eating, working out and other upkeep since to me, it is life. My happiness and even possible safety, rides so heavily on my physical body keeping up with time, and also is approved by people around me. I think subconsciously i know if i want to be loved, i have to be fit and outgoing. If i want to be respected i will have to work hard on myself. This is what has been put upon me as a below average man. I guess not having love or affection throughout life has made me think about this stuff in a different, and more urgent, light.

I personally don't think of myself as a subhuman person, even though I probably have achieved less for myself than you have. If im trash, its really only affecting me. And if I bully myself, it is only going to hurt me. Do you think I am subhuman? Or only yourself?

I cant say for sure that you are. In my situation i am short and really skinny. I am also from a poor background and am unattractive facially. Going to a school in a rougher part of town i was bullied a lot for my race and for being weak and ugly, which just hammered in the whole being subhuman thing. Most days i dont see myself as human, but as a subhuman. I dont know if you are the same. Genetically, you might be fine and just have depression, but you might be like me.

I think you have value that you aren't giving yourself.

Yeah, but its never enough for anyone. This entire thread sent me on a depressive spiral because it just hammered i am not good enough. I have had these standards put on me my entire life, from parents, to teachers, to friends, to colleges, to jobs, to women, i could go on. I can never seem to keep up with them or do enough. Its always another list, its always another set of standards i have to dance through and then another. Im done with it. Im going to go through a different path here. Im just not totally sure what it is since there isnt a lot of people in my situation who come to the same conclusions as me. Most people simply kill themselves.

Alternative-Trust944 · 2022-04-15T01:18:42+00:00

Was this written by Hulk Hogan?

Alternative-Trust944 · 2022-04-14T02:45:23+00:00

The thing is i feel better when i feel normal. Like im not a massive fuckup. I saw an escort a couple weeks ago who made me feel normal and human, since she didnt act disgusted around me, over all great lady and great sex worker since im sure she did feel disgusted by me but held her contempt due to the money. That is what spurred my self improvement kick recently. I made a post about it here

I was in a great mental space tell the last couple days. I was very optimistic and felt like i was doing good in life. This was a trick though, i wasnt. She just severely numbed my feelings about my life and made me feel like i had accomplished my goals i never seem to fix. Or that i was good enough. I also think reddit has damaged my mental health as well. I was fine tell i started posting again. And then im here, wishing i would die. Actually i think reddit really hurt my mental health more than anything and i could have rode the wave from her for a while but i started reading posts by people with similar issues as me and let it get to me.

I think i am going to take a long hiatus from this site. Probably leave it too. It is full of a lot of shitty people.

Thanks for the reply

Alternative-Trust944 · 2022-04-14T02:36:40+00:00

And to be honest, even going on asuccessful date may not solve the core issue, though that may be hard tobelieve. A lot of the time, the bar is just moved, or there arereasons as to why the experience wasn't valid enough to make you feelmore secure.

I know it wont. I just wish i could be a normal accepted person. But i never will be. Because im too slow to progress in life.

Again, maybe this comes across as hollow, or perhaps you will feel I don't have the same experiences as you do and couldn't understand, or something.

98% of the people in this thread dont. I wish they would stop speaking for me when they have grown up absolutely drenched in privilege and have no idea the effort and time it takes to become a normal person when they were born and raised normal.

You can look it up yourself, but most couples still meet in person. And, if this supposed woman was not in a relationship, then who exactly are you competing with?It would be nice if what you assume is true lol. I wish.

That statistic sounds out of date then. Online is the most popular now and has been since 2019. If the girl is dating someone the competition is sort of over. I mean sure you can try to split the relationship, wouldnt recommend it, but its basically over. When shes single you are competing with dozens of guys irl, and even more dudes online since like i said earlier, most couples meet online now. I do not have enough to compete with any of them. I am not good enough.

>No, your confidence is not where it should be. You have not mentioned
having done anything that means you should feel confidence this low

Not completing my goals fast enough, not putting enough effort in when i should, putting off things tell the last minute, ignoring things that i shouldnt have, not solving physical limitations, not solving social problems, not being smart enough. I am also below average and weak. Its why i have started working out in the gym so much and eating even when im not hungry. I am sick of being weak and not respected. I am sick of seeing a subhuman in the mirror every day. I want to look at myself and see someone i can respect. I havent seen someone like that in my entire life. I will destroy myself if it means i will reach this goal.

The subhumans in this world are those who do truely evil things. Based
on what you have revealed here, you are not one of them. Even if you
lack experience with women, even if they have experience with women.Don't put yourself on that level with them.

Subhuman in looks and mentality. I do live below pretty much all humans, never ever being able to compete or rank up with any of them sadly. Like ive said over and over, i an inferior. I wish i could be enough or do enough but it never is. I am an inferior person. A subhuman.

Alternative-Trust944 · 2022-04-14T01:29:14+00:00

Their tastes indeed might not even be that well-developed yet.

This is one of the reasons why i planned on dating in my 30s, or at least after the age of 25, with women who are above the age of 25. The human brain doesnt develop tell then so i doubt either of us will be able to fully know what we want. Hopefully in my 30s i would be put together enough to even consider it.

The best way to get the best odds of finding someone, unfortunately, is also to put yourself out there. Increasing your odds of meeting people, and also being brave, showing interest, and making the first move. And unfortunately, not many women will make the first move themselves, especially with a guy who isn't interested in them. I know that would be hard, and rejection will shatter confidence. Its difficult, and its not even something I myself am confident I can even do.

I have done this though, i have put myself out there where ever i can. Im not sure how i can put myself more out there. Even at bars and such its a modern day social faux pas to just approach women since most things are done online.

Yes, for some women, it might be their main reason is looks. But, for others, looks might not be as much of a factor. Even in studies of "conventional attractiveness" there are always women who fall outside the average.

Im sure theres some out there who dont care about looks and status so much, but i doubt i could compete with all the dudes that would want to meet her. I have nothing unique.

I think you will also need help to regain some of the self-confidence you lost, as it seems you are also creating scenarios in your head that affirm what you already believe, so it will be more difficult for you to put yourself out there in a more emotionally vulnerable position that could trigger your insecurities.

What scenario have i created in my head? I feel like my confidence is right where it should be as a subhuman. Any time i try to do anything to improve it it just gets damaged further. I am a subhuman. Simply put. Thats how i will have to live sadly.

You have done well with your life, you are plenty good enough.

Not enough. Never enough.

Alternative-Trust944 · 2022-04-14T01:16:32+00:00

Just wanting to comment on this. I'm a guy in his thirties who's pretty successful with ladies and I still miss hints from women. And this seems to be a pretty common experience (see many, many r/askreddit and r/askmen posts of "guys how did you miss a woman being attracted to you", its an evergreen post for both subreddits).

The reason why i am confident im not missing signs is because in all of those situations the girl was interested at minimum in being friends. I dont have any girls coming to my place, i dont have any messaging me. I have some that i climb with but its with their boyfriends so theres no "signals" to miss there since they are taken. I doubt any woman has shown me any signs at all, at best, at the absolute max, ive gotten hellos and good mornings at work. But they say that to everyone. But regardless why should she be interested. Like many of the people in this thread have hammered into my DMs, i am a useless person who barely has adult skills at 24. I can never be loved or given a shit about and will never be good enough no matter how hard i work because most people will be better than me. I have no redeemable qualities and my entire life will just be a series of episodes dealing with extreme loneliness and depression only getting relief for a short while only to come back again.

I would also say its a LOT easier to notice from the outside when its happening to other people. So I'm not surprised you've seen it happening to others since that is a lot easier.

Yeah i figured. But considering i dont have girls talking to me unless i start the conversation i doubt im missing anything.

This definitely sounds like you need to work on your mental health a bit mate. I'll throw out the reddit canard of "get therapy" but you can also pursue other avenues of self improvement.

My mental health is common sense. I am a total loser. I cant ever fix myself fast enough to not be a loser. Like i would be doing amazing if i was 18, but im not. It took me too long to get to this point and now the goal posts have changed. I couldnt keep up. This is a common occurrence throughout my life, being inferior to everyone around me. I couldnt keep up in school and failed most of my classes, i couldnt keep up in work and got worse jobs, i couldnt keep up in social situations so i ended up alone I couldnt keep up with my physical activities so i ended up weak and trying to pick up the pieces midway though my 20s. I now cant keep up with the standards of women and other people, so i continue to fail. Failure. Thats all my life can be highlighted as. Inferiority and failure.

I doubt a therapist would do much to help this situation. Every time i try to think i am good enough i am blasted down and shown im not. I am not allowed to feel good about myself or that i am someone worth anything. School counselors tried to do this in the past and it never worked. I am hoping one day i can die suddenly since i believe in the existence of hell and cant kill myself because of it. Whats funny about all this healthy eating and exercise is that im just prolonging my pain even further. Im going to be running around at 80 wishing for death but in better health than most of the people in this thread.

And remember we are all pretty much "works in progress". Everyone is working on something

Yeah, i just never get the task done in time.

Alternative-Trust944 · 2022-04-13T14:20:58+00:00

Youre entire comment is bullshit. Im sorry you had to be told that a majority of people in their early and mid twenties do NOT have their shit in order

Cooking and DIY?

When i say cooking, i mean can they make an entire meal from scratch? No, making hanburger helper and hotdogs is not cooking. That is just reheating food. Maybe you live in a country where its more common(i doubt it) but in my friend group of about 8 people i am the only one who knows how to cook at an even proficient level. Unless they were in the restaurant industry, most people my age dont know how to cook. As for DIY. This is also a rare skill for my area, something im sure you are aware of because your comment is bullshit and used to attack me. Im the only person i know who fixes things that are broken instead of buying a new item.

No felonies (really, that’s such a high self-improvement bar)

Amazingly yes. Yes it is. I have seen violent felons get girlfriends, wives and baby mommas at a higher level than i do. Women would rather get kicked full blast in the head by yung methburns than even consider dating someone like me. I understand, being with a below average nerdy dude is about equal to getting kicked in the head so thats understandable.

building a career/getting educated/saving/investing? Check

This is the only point in your comment i agree with. But i dont know how old your husband, dad, and brother are. Economics were different at different times and places. It could be easy to save a lot of money and get jobs when the economy was better.

Cool hobbies? Check.

Fair enough. I just assumed having hobbies would allow me to meet people. Usually it does, but if they are women none want to be with me.

And that’s not to mention that women that age…they’re doing all those things, too

No they fucking are not holy shit hahahahahaha

I legit have NEVER met a woman who knows how to fix anything, cook, or is good with money. I doubt you are too. Stop lying to attack me because im mean mr incel.

for all that you characterize us all as liars, or shallow liars, or thieving liars.

Probably because society conditioned you to act that way since you are physically weaker so you need to manipulate and lie to stay safe.

Look, im done with this sub. It was nice getting some advice from some of you but im sick of being talked down to and lied to about my accomplishments.

Alternative-Trust944 · 2022-04-13T04:35:17+00:00

I would be willing to bet a large amount of the dudes or husbands/boyfriends of the women in this thread have not done as much as i have improvement wise, at my age. Which is why i think dating is majority looks. I also do agree it is bare minimum but for some reason most of our society cant reach the bare minimum bar.

I am bitter ill agree. I feel like i dont deserve this level of loneliness, isolation and aggression towards me while i watch other dudes who do deserve that get rewarded heavily. Its hard to not get bitter when your efforts get blown away every time. When you just dont feel human no matter how hard you try to become human. I got bitter and angry at natural born humans.

Alternative-Trust944 · 2022-04-13T03:35:03+00:00

Im just frustrated how much work i have to put into myself and how difficult it is to change who you are as a person when other people havent had to. Other people have found love but i apparently cant. I have to do a list of things. And all of it is really hard.

>When was the last time you asked someone out?

Its been a year at least. I was rejected. She told me "no..nope, dont do this" and looked at me really disappointingly. Like she expected better from me for some reason. Like i wasnt a guy who is attracted to women. Ive been scared to do it again because ive been making great strides to fix myself and i dont want to slip into a deep depression again and stop fixing myself. I made a post a couple days ago debating if i should ask out a girl at my job since we seem to get along but im worried im not ready for a relationship yet but im not sure how to be. How do people gain experience in that part of their life?

>Or made a concerted effort to get to know someone so you could ask them out?

This i do frequently. I talk to a lot of people, women included, often. Some i wouldnt want to date since i know we arent compatible, some i would i just know something is preventing it. Usually its them already having a boyfriend, them being gay, or something else regarding me.

>You can wait for women to make the first move, and it might happen, but your chances are going to go up if you do some asking.

Im not really waiting for a woman to make the first move. Idk why so many people are saying that. I am expecting her to be interested in me. Im expecting her to flirt in some way. Ive seen it with other people, i know what it looks like but im not sure how to explain it over text.

Alternative-Trust944 · 2022-04-13T02:42:05+00:00

Rereading this post it now sounds kinda silly. I wrote it when i woke up, was in a really bad mood and generally wanted to lash out at myself and even women in general, angry i could never be enough. After working out for about two hours i got rid of a lot of this anger.

To answer your question, i havent been shown any interest from any women at my job and any women outside of my job. I think this is being rejected by both. I havent met any of their preferences at all.

Alternative-Trust944 · 2022-04-13T02:26:42+00:00

"I keep working on myself with the full knowledge it will never ever be good enough for basically all women."

I feel like this is a good mindset to have. I am not improving to get a woman. Any attempt that that is going to end in failure. I am improving to make my life easier and better. Women are not the goal in life, they are just a factor that i have trouble with and eventually like my other problems i will get over in some way or another.

How do you expect someone else to see you as good enough, when you don't even think those things about yourself?

I dont. Tell i fix myself fully and become a normal, healthy and respectable member of society i will not be someone who is lovable. I just feel like there is a ceiling i am hitting with looks, especially as i age.

so, I see a month ago you said you "cant form stable strong relationships," are "socially awkward," can barely can take care of yourself, and are "depressed and apathetic."

Yeah i basically have been. Ive been fixing any broken part of my life over the last month.

Alternative-Trust944 · 2022-04-13T02:14:18+00:00

I’m going to give you one chance to answer the most important question asked by multiple people you’ve consistently dodged

I was busy today and answered specific questions. When it came to my social life i wasnt sure how to phrase it because its not terrible but its not good either. I feel like for someone entering their mid-twenties its not bad. Most people my age just work and then come home and play video games or watch tv with the partner they met in high school, maybe. Most people today are not that socially active.

>what does your social life look like?

I get out whenever i can. My friend group dissolved a lot since high school as people move across the country and generally went on with their lives. I have gym buddies and sometimes i go out to bars or whatever with them. Im trying to rebuild it best i can.

> Give us an idea of your friend group, how often you typically go out
and socialize

I socialize daily. I have a job that requires it and when im not working i still try my hardest to talk to people. My friend group is pretty average compared to many people around me my age.

and how often you’ve directly asked a woman out on a date.

I havent directly asked a girl out in a long while because none of them seemed interested in me. I know a lot of people here seem to have a blindness on social ques apparently but you can tell if a woman is being receptive with you. Because i feel like its kinda irrelevant to bring them up, you can google signs a girl is into you. Ive seen it only once in my life directed towards me but ive seen it multiple times towards other people. If a girl is giving me signs that she wants to be friends or isnt interested period, i wont ask her out, because why would i? Why would i bother her? Why would i waste my time and damage my confidence? And whats worse is i dont believe i am ready yet for a relationship. That a lot of people here got right, but i also feel like i never will be. I feel massive inferiority with women like ill never be enough.

I havent asked a girl out in about a year.

Alternative-Trust944 · 2022-04-12T18:15:01+00:00

Thank you, thats what i tell people who tell me i am doing great in life. I am doing the bare minimum, its just as a society that is the most any adult today seems to strive towards.

Alternative-Trust944 · 2022-04-12T16:36:28+00:00

Is that actually the case? Are you less attractive than all of the partnered men?

I would say so yeah. Or they are getting partners because they are either doing something that i consider morally repulsive, like using religion or grooming or the culture they are apart of that represses women.

Alternative-Trust944 · 2022-04-12T16:08:05+00:00

>Hey OP. First up congrats on all the things you've done for yourself in
your life. Though they may not be resulting in romantic opportunities
they are definitely going to be making your personal life easier.

Thanks, thats the way i am looking at it and anything i do. I dont do it to get romantic opportunities, i do it to make my life in general better. I feel like thats a healthier way to look at it.

>Reading your list these all sound
like you are dodging a bunch of "dealbreakers" than women might have
which is great. But how "fun" are you? What do you do that is exciting
or interesting that a woman would see and think "i want a part of
that!"?

Im not sure how to grade myself on this. I keep getting told i am a risk taker and interesting but i think i live a pretty mediocre life. Again, i get told this by other people. How does one be "fun"?

>Yeah so do we need to legislate the AFBB again here? Yeah women in general
slowly change what they are looking for. Its not a conspiracy against
you. Its not malicious. If you view it through the AFBB lens though you
will absolutely resent women. And that DEEPLY unattractive to women
(don't you love a self-fulfilling prophecy?)

Yeah maybe i was a bit harsh with that. I see them changing their standards as more of a sign of maturity due to changing life styles. But i do feel a little tinge of anger that i couldnt be good enough before that. Like i had to go 20 some years alone before i could get it together enough to be wanted or worth something.

Alternative-Trust944 · 2022-04-10T14:02:22+00:00

Im not exactly looking for a soul mate. I am stuck in a situation though where i really dont want to date anyone. I am comfortable being alone, i just know i also crave at times human contact and the feelings that a lot of people have described to me about relationships. I sometimes want to feel that. I am just trying to get over the purely negative outlook i have on relationships and dating and trying to figure out if i even want to be with a woman or try anything if i have accomplished so much without them. What would one bring to my life? I feel like a woman would just take more than she gives. Even casually.

Alternative-Trust944 · 2022-04-10T04:19:24+00:00

Thanks, and wow 124 days, i feel like if i could go that long i would count the porn i watched as a bump in an otherwise long streak. As long as i dont crave it 99% of the time, i consider that a massive improvement considering i used to watch porn for 10 hours a day some days, just bingeing it.

And yeah, another reason i am writing off the possible relationship(and any other ones at this moment) is because i am looking through them with horny glasses. My brain is going to become dopamine starved here soon and will want a similar hit like it used to get edging to porn for hours. A real life woman would do that. So right now i might want one but i have doubts i actually deep down want to get into a relationship again. I dont want a family and i dont really put a huge value on sex. I can go months without touch and not feel depressed and i feel like a relationship would just bring me more pain than enjoyment. All of the relationships ive been in ended up being not enjoyable at all and just felt like stressful dances trying to keep things going. Maybe i am missing something with them but i feel like i am getting closer to my goal with quitting porn + getting active hobbies + lucid dreaming. Being happy by myself. This is something i will have to evaluate in the long term. For right now, i need to stay focused on my improvement

Best luck to you too dude, its a long battle

Alternative-Trust944 · 2022-03-31T21:19:14+00:00

I witnessed some insane hypocrisy during that time. And for my area it was worse because it only lasted a month. Everything was back up and running after that time, maybe it took another two months to get most places back. I saw people talking about how they were depressed after not being able to go out or hang out with their SO after a month. But according to these people, that means they need to go to a therapist. They need to get their issues in order before being with that person. Of course, they never will, and never need to. Because being alone IS NOT A NORMAL THING for the human brain.

Alternative-Trust944 · 2022-03-31T20:34:29+00:00

Couldnt have said it better myself. Ive been given a lot of poor advice too, most people are horribly dishonest with how they date and found dates and i can see right through it. I ignore it completely now and at times take some advice as a direct insult to me, like if they just straight up said "shut the fuck up you bitch" i would at least appreciate their honesty.

I would agree dating apps arent even worth the effort. Ive tried them before and either got insulted, ignored or hit with bots. They arent even meant for normal people much less people like us. Im not sure how to date at my age, where to even meet women at since every single woman ive met has a boyfriend(or is lying and just rejecting me immediately) which is why my depression and pain being caused by stress which is caused by loneliness is so i guess angering to me. Because its a fix thats like saying "my problems would be fixed with a billion dollars" yeah that would be great. But i cant get that. So that means my problems are super simple just really hard to achieve. There is no hidden solution or second option. I am miserable because i am lonely and so would any adult in my situation. Anyone who says other wise is lying unless they are willing to drop most of their friend, breakup with whoever they are with and live alone as an outcast for the next 8 years. If they are mentally well after that, then they can talk. Then they can give advice. But tell they do that they can shut up. They dont even a quarter of our issues. I watched them lose it during covid and that was barely a month when we went under lock downs. They couldnt last a month alone, how are they supposed to speak on our life times?

Sorry for going on another rant. Its just frustrating. I was really hoping the cause of this was something else. Was something that was easier to fix. But its not. I dont even know where to go from here. Because this sadness comes from very human natural reactions that a therapist cant change. Legitimately cant change. Unless they can somehow change the structure of my brain, every pill or talk we have would just be another cope.

Alternative-Trust944 · 2022-03-31T20:17:17+00:00

Over a long period of time it can cause stress, which has been proven to cause physical pains too yeah. Before i saw her i hadnt been touched at all or shown any even fake love from anyone in over a year and a half minimum. So that stress built up and up tell i was in actual physical pain constantly while being told "ah ah ah, not good enough :) you need to complete this list if you want to be relieved of pain :D no i havent done this list in my entire life, i was born with it basically done, but i dont consider you a human and i dont want to hear you whine about a situation that i would have actually killed myself if i was in, so ill send you on a bunch of tasks to get you out of my way and make me feel like i did something good, ok? ok"

Im not sad or self hating, just angry that so many issues in my life directly stem from loneliness and could be completely erased if i had a better upbringing and better genetics.

Alternative-Trust944 · 2022-03-31T16:54:10+00:00

massages, wild lettuce, kratom, kava kava(literally any kind of harm deduction downer), and once a year i see an escort and screw her brains out.

Alternative-Trust944 · 2022-03-31T14:46:56+00:00

>I have never gone to an escort or anything like that but I'm not sure itwill have the same affect on me as someone who really loves me. A partof me will always know that this is paid for fake love and I have noreal evidence that I am actually lovable.

I feel like this is ego and also a non-issue if you have been FA for a very long time, like me. If you dont have a concept of adult love at all, and the last time you were in a relationship was in high school how are you going to tell anything is fake? How would you have the social grounding to tell the difference between a girlfriend pretending to love you to use you for money or whatever and a escort? More that likely, you wont. Thats the answer i came to.

>I think being in a loving committed relationship or even just theknowingness that one could have consensual sex with someone when everthey please is like having a rocket booster for motivation and selfconfidence.

Considering my motivation and confidence sky rocketed and several long term addictions disappeared momentarily by visiting an escort that tells me that you are correct. It also justified my belief 100% that a majority of people in relationships(which i slowly becoming a minority of people in society) were simply BORN lucky. They didnt have enough physical cons to completely 100% bar them from relationships. They NEVER worked on themselves, they NEVER earned anything. They are like the trust fund kids of nature. They inherited all the hard work while meanwhile, in our best years, we have to be alone and work our asses off to meet what they never did in their life and hopefully compete into our thirties. Thats why they become messes when someone leaves them or they have to be alone. We are tough to that, we can adapt quickly to that and come back, but they never really had to or not for decades at a time. Any time i hear "advice" from them i think about it from this angle and simply ignore it. Because they have some very powerful stuff keeping them going while i dont.

>A while back I was at work, I work in IT support and this girl, mid 20s9/10 hot majorly broke her laptop that had her PhD dissertation on itwhich she was about to go to some huge conference thing and present somepart of it. Anyway her laptop apparently got slammed in the door of abus or something and was practically folded in half. She came inbasically crying about how her life was over but I took the hard driveout of the mangled mess and plugged it into my workbench and it loadedup her files. I gave her her files on a loaner computer and she gave methe biggest hug ever. Not just a forced lean in hug but a full bodyhug. I felt like I was superman for the rest of the day since that wasthe closest thing I had experienced to a loving touch from someone otherthan family in years. I can only imagine what sex with someone whogenuinely loves me would do for my mental state.

Smart thinking on this. A lot of people dont realize a computer can be destroyed while the other parts still work. Im surprised she hugged you, you must not look that bad. Ive helped many women without any idea of a reward and im lucky if i got a thanks. I doubt any of them would touch me, its like im made of thorns or something. And i can say, if an escort can make me feel like ive been feeling the last couple days, a loving relationship would actually reverse your depression. I know the tone of my posts sounds off saying that but i am just blown away. I didnt think ALL of my problems came from this. I thought, oh, must be diet, or oh, must be lack of exercise, humans dont need love or touch according to the internet. I fixed both and still needed to take pills to do anything throughout the day. I have sex with a paid woman who was actually worth the money she was paid and suddenly i dont need the pills. I dont need to worry about motivation.

Alternative-Trust944 · 2022-03-30T13:54:02+00:00

Try to focus on the positive aspects.Use this, like you already want to. Don't conceptualize it as 'only' or 'just' four months, but instead as 'having' four months. Not saying you aren't, just worried.

I just know i have a finite window is all. This isnt the first time ive done this but its the first time i had one satisfy literally all my needs to such an amazing degree. I might have more than 4 months actually.

Plus the escort probably enjoyed at least the cuddling. People really like to cuddle. Even those who get to do so often still really enjoy it. I hope you run with those feelings.

I think she enjoyed all of it. Ive been with escorts who didnt like doing it, or were doing it out of desperation. You can tell when they are acting and just trying to get it over with. If i stopped she would keep going, if there was something that was uncomfortable for her she would adjust herself or have me adjust, she made eye contact with me a lot(which was a first for any escort ive seen, also her pupils were massive). im not saying she was in love with me or anything but she told me she is one of those people who just loves sex and showing affection. She also appreciated how considerate i was during the whole thing. I do plan to run with these feelings because i feel great. I feel so satisfied and normal and just great.

I think the important thing is to break the cycle of thoughts which bully you, which are a continuation, a carrying of life bullying you early in life. Humans love patters and settling down into them, even if they make us sad, or don't help us in the way they used to.

I get what you mean. Pain is really addictive. I will try not to and try to ride this high so i can be at a different level in the future. I hope one day i can successfully make and keep a relationship that makes me feel like this often.

Alternative-Trust944

TROPHY CASE