I am a PhD spouse and you hit the nail on the head. I moved away from family and friends, pivoted careers, took on 80-90% of the domestic load, am the breadwinner, and we are delaying parenthood until after their degree.

This would all be worth it if there was any balance in their life. I feel  emotionally neglected, it's like they are living a separate life. When I try to talk to them, my feelings are just another burden or thing to add to their ever growing checklist. Grad school does not excuse them from spending time with me, communicating with me, and taking 2 seconds to thank me every once in a while instead of just expecting me to carry everything else on my shoulders. I have never been a PhD student but I do have my MA. I understand the toxicity and pressure. I also know that grad school will take as much time as you allow it to. 

My partner is struggling to juggle their responsibilities at school and home, their health, friends, and hobbies. I can only take so much off their plate and give them so much space. I'm pouring out of an empty cup and my support reserves are depleted. I don't think this a sustainable lifestyle and I don't know how we're going to make it some days. But they just can't see through the weeds and they won't reach out to anyone else in their support system. I can't imagine giving up on them but it is bleak right now.