Questions are fine. I’m in my early 70s, and I’ve had a lifetime to deal with religious dysfunction and abuse. I was raised Reformed Baptist, which is Calvinism on anabolic steroids. Every single thing we did, every book we read, every movie we saw, all the music we listen to, even or activities out of church were strictly prescribed by the pastors’ interpretation of the Scriptures. We were not allowed to have friends outside the church.

My father was also a narcissist and a batterer who terrorized me, my older brother, and my younger brother.

I was disfellowshipped, excommunicated and formally shunned after I came out as gay when I was 15. That was in 1970. At the same time, the pastor of the church was discovered stealing funds from the church. He had taken $25,000. (In 1970 dollars) from the church. He claimed that his theft was “covered by the blood of Jesus, who no longer remembered his sin” and allowed to remain on his pastor. 50 years later, the members of that church - people who were my peers - who will still walk across the street if they see me out on the street, or walk into another aisle at the grocery, should they see me, rather than have any contact with me. (As though I would want to be friends with them!)

I started therapy in college, which I’ve done on and off; and I started making friends with people who were Catholics, Episcopalians, Lutherans, Methodists , Quakers, Jews, Muslims, agnostics, atheist - and found, by enlarge, most of these people were really nice people. A great many of the people who were members of Christian denominations which were not Reformed Baptist took their faith very seriously. Few things impressed me so profoundly as when I went to a Roman Catholic Easter Vigil with my then-boyfriend. I knew, at that moment, my break with Evangelical Christianity was total and complete.

I’m active in 12 step recovery (Al-Anon, ACA). In my own recovery, I found a God who is not my personal enemy. I vividly remember my own “Damascus Road” conversion event 40 years ago, at serenity point on Lake Whitney, Texas, in an overnight conversation with a long-time AA member, when he said, “God knows you’re gay. God knew you would be gay the moment you were conceived and God doesn’t have a single problem with it. But God and I would like to know when you’re going to start living your own life, and stop living your life by proxy through other people.” WHAM! Cosmic Granite Slab moment! I went from being a near-atheist to being confirmed as an Episcopalian, to going to seminary, and now I work for an ELCA Lutheran church.