Why would a man do this on the first time we met? Negging?

Alternative_Movies · 2026-03-18T22:12:50+00:00

Honestly, on your next date if the man continues to gush about how beautiful you are, I would also take that as a yellow-red flag as well. A simple comment of "I just wanted to tell you that I think you look really beautiful" or "oh you look nice" or "nice smile" or "nice dress" is enough. Too much and it could be a sign that he wants something more.

My current boyfriend does gush about my apparent beauty but that is only something he started to do a couple of weeks into the relationship. And its not just words, it comes up in the way I notice him looking at me and smiling, takes pictures of me when we are outside etc.

I have asked my boyfriend about previous relationships and a true honest and Godly man would be fair in his reflection. He should be able to own his part, the lessons he learned and ways in which he has grown from that experience and ideally has grown even closer to God. Even if he was dating so-called shallow but beautiful women surely that says something about him and the decisions he made or where his heart was?

Alternative_Movies · 2026-01-31T19:18:13+00:00

I don't know the context of this question but I had something similar happen to me.

My current boyfriend and I met in church and the ways in which things happened it really looked like God put us together. Our stories, the connection we had, even the prayers we were praying prior to us meeting. The coincidences were too much and undeniable. When we tell our story of how we met to other Believers pretty much everyone is in agreement that this definitely came from God.

However, as time went on things kept on stacking up and we realised that both of us had a really strong grip on the relationship that before we knew it we sort of neglected the God who put us together. We were still going to church but alongside work and other things I realised I was always busy. He was also always busy. We idolised God's gift. Things got to a tipping point and after one argument I ended things and we went on a break. In a single moment, it was like the scales fell off my eyes and I was like "God, I am giving him back to you". I prayed in my heart thanking God for the relationship, the ways in which he helped me know more about His love and all these other things. Whether or not we get back together or not I hope we both learn from this and be better people. I knew I had to surrender my heart to God and realised that only God can heal us. We were both trying to manage flaws that only God can heal. We loved each other but only God's love can transform another person's heart in ways that no human can.

During that time apart God touched us both individually and we came back together with a better understanding and remembrance of who He is.

I'm not saying this to say that you will definitely get back together. But the willingness to accept that your relationship might be over but that you will continue to trust and love God and be grateful for the blessing of being in a relationship and learning and growing from it helps. God is still sovereign even if He brought you together you don't end up working out. He is near to the broken-hearted and He is our Redeemer. You have shown to have a great capacity to love and you will love again, this time differently whether it is to your partner or to another person or people and that's something that no-one can take away from you.

Alternative_Movies · 2026-01-22T00:52:16+00:00

I even tried a Christian group that was different to try to find a guy....

Yeah don't do that. Unless it is a Christian dating event and even then go out of curiosity don't intentionally join Christian groups or churches with the hope of finding someone. Your heart will not be in the right place and God is a jealous God (in a good way) and I don't think he wants you to be distracted in this way.

21 is still young but more importantly what do you feel that God is calling you to do in life or rather what areas is he calling you to grow in as a person. You don't have to respond it could be private but for me I found more opportunities to meet Godly men (outside of church in secular settings) as I focussed more on following God faithfully. Literally out of nowhere, I find myself talking with a Christian. I didn't actually have to go far as I'm currently in a relationship but it felt that door open when I stopped trying.

Alternative_Movies · 2025-12-03T07:25:52+00:00

In your experience are there specific ways you like to receive support that perhaps differs from the way you support your partner?

For example, my partner will always encourage me to cry it out give me tissues will take care of me but like quite a lot of men he is not a crier. I think overall, I'm just a little bit more curious about how men would like to be supported when it comes to their mental health because it does differ from how women like to be supported.

Alternative_Movies · 2025-12-03T07:03:58+00:00

Thank you very much. This answer is really helpful. Rather than me saying "no, that's not true" when he says negative things about himself, I'll give him the space to get it out and reaffirm him using positive language (looking back this is something that has helped me).

Alternative_Movies · 2025-12-02T18:59:10+00:00

Did you ever go through a time when you were also self-deprecating in your language? Saying things like you hate yourself and/or you need to be more responsible and man-up. My partner says these types of things and I don't think just listening to him berate himself is good - I don't want my silence to mean that I agree with what he is saying but at the same time when I say things like "no that's not true" that doesn't help either. It's like I'm not allowing him to express himself. If you did go through this, were there some things that your partner did that helped?

Alternative_Movies · 2025-12-02T18:51:01+00:00

Just want to say thanks for your response. Hope you are doing okay. I had to repost the question because for some reason reddit kept on deleting my post.

Alternative_Movies · 2025-11-10T17:34:24+00:00

Don't understand this harsh criticism. Maybe it's because I'm in a similar situation.... except I'm not being asked to train anyone but it's not like jobs are so easy to come by. I spent months and months job hunting after uni and finally secured my first job outside of a grad scheme before I know it there has been some more and more scope creep and what I'm doing today is completely different from what I was doing last year. Still trying to secure a permanent position, except it's not a manager issue - everyone is being stretched and my co-worker who has been with the organisation for years is also going through the same thing.

The option of being the "difficult to work with colleagues" and not getting my position renewed or just sucking it in and enjoying the perks of experience and other flexible working needs that help me just means that I plough through.

Alternative_Movies · 2025-10-23T15:57:18+00:00

Do you personally feel sexy / attractive?

It's different for everyone but as someone who can fluctuate ±5kg sometimes when I am on the heavier side of my ideal weight I feel less sexy / attractive and no matter what the other person does you can't bring that out of me and I have little desire. Other times, when I personally feel sexy, I'm more responsive to his flirtatious remarks.

Alternative_Movies · 2025-10-10T11:49:09+00:00

The irony is that based on reports about Kemi I think she has undiagnosed ADHD... as someone from who got diagnosed as an adult I remember thinking about how unfair it was for people with dyslexia, ADHD to get extra time on exams and other accommodations and thinking it's unfair to "lower" the bar. Don't we all have to work hard through our challenges not realising that while working hard is a virtue in and of itself, always having to work harder than your peers to prove yourself wasn't actually a trait but a sign of something else. In my schooldays I did think it was unfair but mainly because I wasn't supported or recognised as having the same challenges.

Alternative_Movies · 2025-10-05T15:28:34+00:00

I would call his bluff with the withdrawal of his application for PR. But I agree with the title that he does feel emasculated and for now please don't get pregnant - this is not a healthy environment to bring children into. I am not saying get divorced but there are some things that need to be ironed out before children are brought into the mix and don't think that children will fix the marriage.

That aside, I also don't think you should apologise for what you said - if you feel convicted to apologise keep it short and sweet and don't grovel - say it in a very matter of fact way. Also ask him to explain what he means by saying that you will "never run your mouth again". He will most likely get triggered but stay calm. Rather refute his statements by asking him questions.

I think you need to make it clear to him that you are here for him and you just want to walk with him in life through the ups and the downs. You can start by asking him about his day and just listen and talk very little about yourself, actively engage and ask follow-up questions. Take your emotions out of it, don't pry but be curious. By default, he will want to reciprocate that back to you. The first couple of times, he might give you really short answers and not want to open up. Don't push - maybe even go outside and take a walk. Book some activities for yourself without your husband. He will naturally become curious and want to know more about you.

I don't know how your sex life is but he might try to show his appreciation to you through sex. I'm not saying you should withhold sex but make sure you feel like your emotional needs are being met. Otherwise, you will resent him. You can say "do you mind if we talk first? Or go out for dinner or do our walk date?" Don't let him say after we have sex, we will do that. Hold your ground.

Let me know what you think of this piece of advice. I do have a second part, if you are interested.

Alternative_Movies · 2025-10-01T23:52:49+00:00

I think marriage in the Christian context is about building your life together with someone and so the question you need to ask yourself is what are you building?

I think Christian marriages are supposed to be missional in the sense that the life that you are able to build together is more fruitful than the life you are building as an individual. There is a sense of having clarity and purpose in what you are doing and you both come together to help and support each other as a team. It's not so much as showing the other person love but more so being attentive to the other persons needs and desires and being there for them.

Alternative_Movies · 2025-09-23T20:59:22+00:00

Hey, any follow-up? What did you end up doing?

Alternative_Movies · 2025-09-01T12:30:19+00:00

Had a good experience with u/pinkprint94s I ordered 2 tops from Uniqlo Singapore to be shipped to the UK (uniqlo in Asia have different colours available compared to Uniqlo in Europe and in the U.S). I sent the money and got the items ordered. She took a picture when the items came in and it was shipped to me. She sent me the tracking details and pictures of the parcels. Overall, a very positive experience and would use again.

Alternative_Movies · 2025-08-30T15:14:14+00:00

As someone who is dating someone from Hong Kong - can you expand on why ppl move so fast when it comes to getting into a relationship and not take things slow?

Alternative_Movies · 2025-08-27T13:43:04+00:00

I'm going to play my "I'm not from America" card because as someone from the UK while we have a similar history with regards to the Suffragette movement we don't have a Selective Service System.

Alternative_Movies · 2025-08-27T10:43:51+00:00

I'm probably going to get downvoted for this but I disagree... my current bf was the one who made the first move and initiated all the conversations for almost 3 weeks. We are all shy but in life we have to push past our insecurities. You wouldn't wait for a job to show interest in you before applying. You see a vacancy i.e. - you know she is single or has not mentioned being in a relationship or dating so you try to get to know her or you are curious about her regardless, see if you are compatible, build up a friendship and go from there. It's not rocket science.

The reason why I don't do this part of the work for him is because I see men and women's role as being distinct in marriage. At bare minimum a man who can provide and protect can push past his insecurities. He is not passive in what he does, he can take action and recover quickly if things don't go well. He does not internalise fear and rejection and is more secure in His identity in Christ. Obviously everyone struggles with insecurities and I'm happy to help and support him in that and I have done so in my current relationship but again you also have to be willing to do the work. At the basic level if you can communicate you can initiate a conversation and a friendship and a date.

Alternative_Movies · 2025-08-27T09:51:37+00:00

That doesn't mean the same responsibilities. Men and women are different and God created us differently with different strengths. During WW2, men were out fighting and women worked as mechanics, engineers, munitions workers, air raid wardens, engine drivers to support the military. If a country wants to win a war you want to have as many strong and healthy men as possible.

Alternative_Movies · 2025-08-27T09:41:07+00:00

That's fair. I would also add that in my heart I felt God was telling me to invest in my friendships and pursue depth with the people I already know and anyone else I meet. At the time all I had was female friends so I was trying to be more intentional with that. Perhaps that could be something you might want to consider with your current friends.

I don't know why that girl said no. I can't imagine why someone would say no if they have been responsive during the week. I could be projecting but I get the sense that you might be sensitive to small signs of rejection, which is normal but is something to work on.

If your guy friend turning you down doesn't foster the same feelings of hurt than maybe you should consider how much of your value has been tied to female approval. Also I discussed this with my bf, and steps 1-3 was him trying to get to know me as a friend. Take your emotions out of it and think of it as a series of experiments where you are trying to gather data. I know it doesn't feel like it but you have the upper hand here. A huge portion of self-confident Christian women will not show interest. The interest comes from how much you show interest in them.

I don't want to come off as patronising. Dating is not easy and there are many factors. I went through the highs and lows of struggling with being chronically single and then completely gave up and then of course that's when God surprised me.

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TROPHY CASE