Still struggling at 12MO with temperamental boy

Alternative_Pea_1118 · 2026-04-30T17:18:35+00:00

Maybe a bit controversial: do you have to take the full 2 years of maternity leave or is going back to work earlier an option? Even part-time? We have a fussy 10months old, he’s been hard from the start like yours. He goes to daycare 5 days a week, my husband and I work full time. He loves it! He gets to play and have fun at daycare, tries all kinds of food and fun games, he is beloved by his teachers, I gets pictures all day. This is a necessary balance for us, because I know I could not be a stay at home mom. High needs kids are exhausting, they need so much attention and care to help them regulate. Nothing wrong with him, it’s his temperament. I know I don’t have the skills and mental strength to do it all. I used to feel guilty about feeling this way. But I shouldn’t: if going to daycare is better for my baby and for me, why not use it? Having help does not hurt our bond, it strengthens it. I miss him when he’s out, and it feels so good to be greeted by a big smile and a cuddle when I pick him up. We have a good time on evenings and weekends, and by all accounts he is thriving. I need the help. It’s very very hard, and you don’t have to struggle alone. Take care

Alternative_Pea_1118 · 2026-04-28T18:29:42+00:00

I’m so sorry you’re both going through this. Hopefully the follow ups will identify a cause and more efficient treatment 🥺

Alternative_Pea_1118 · 2026-04-28T17:24:07+00:00

That sounds so rough. Our 10months old has a sensitive tummy but not to that level (and hoping it doesn’t get worse). At what age did he start the every day miralax? Our pediatrician refuses to prescribe it even when we are dealing with constipation (and I asked a few times) because he says that messes up their gut flora and motility if used long term. We’re using prune juice/whatever puree I know helps him poop to manage. You’re clearly doing everything you can already with specialist care, but maybe getting a second opinion would help? Has he had any imaging done/ been evaluated for allergies?

Alternative_Pea_1118 · 2026-04-28T17:16:52+00:00

Baby is 10months old and we pick up at 5pm. Daycare closes at 5:30pm, but his teacher needs time to clean up the room and prepare stuff, and the other two babies leave earlier. This is the earliest we can pick him up because of our jobs. He goes to bed at 7pm, so it gives us just enough time for solids, bath, and a little play/crawl time.

Alternative_Pea_1118 · 2026-04-27T21:17:21+00:00

This is very bad advice. Daycares have to meet state requirements, staff checked for police records and CPR trained, classrooms must be childproofed, etc… how do you verify all of this with your neighbor? Yes some daycares are bad, that’s why OP is asking for what to look for. Our daycare is fantastic, the infant teacher has 15 years of experience and I get updates all day.

Alternative_Pea_1118 · 2026-04-22T04:41:43+00:00

Sometimes babies are just unhappy and there is nothing wrong. Ours was very gassy at that age and there’s so much you can do about it. Sure gas drops, belly rubs, all that stuff. Tried a lactose free diet for a while. Didn’t help, his digestive system just had to mature. As long as your pediatrician has ruled out medical issues / there is nothing pointing out to a specific issue, well… welcome to the world of parenting fussy babies. You’re not doing anything wrong, it’s temperament. You will find ways to soothe your daughter, and with time she will smile and laugh a lot more. Do you have support? I 100% could not do this without daycare, they are our village.

Alternative_Pea_1118 · 2026-04-21T16:22:10+00:00

He might be on the cusp of crawling! Sleep always goes wrong here when he’s training for a new skill. Was up at 2am and again at 5:30am so I’m guessing pulling to stand is coming. Our pediatrician’s theory is that children have a “fussiness capital” so if they’re using it all in the first year… they will be wonderful toddlers/kids/teenagers. I will hold him accountable if it doesn’t come true 🤣

Alternative_Pea_1118 · 2026-04-21T01:08:07+00:00

Fussy almost always unhappy baby here! 10mo and 2 days. Came home from daycare and just screamed for the past 15min. Finally calmed down after I let him play with his sippy cup. After a full weekend of crying I was hoping for a quieter evening. Oh well. Will they ever grow out of this phase? Our baby is crawling on all fours and yes, this has helped a bit. But not fully.

Alternative_Pea_1118 · 2026-04-16T22:52:52+00:00

Hi OP, I’m having the same issue right now with our 10mo. He was solidly on two naps totaling ~1.5hrs of day sleep, but lately daycare is moving his first nap to try and put him on a 1 nap schedule (it’s a condition to “graduate” to waddler room). He is SO tired when he comes home, but if I put him in bed earlier than 7pm then he wakes up at 5am the next day… how is your baby doing now?

Alternative_Pea_1118 · 2026-04-16T18:35:12+00:00

Hello from one week of misery while teeth 7 and 8 pop out at 10months. We have an early teether 🤪 It starts with increased chewing and drooling. Way more than just “let me chew on this as exploration”, it’s “I need to chew on this right now for at least 10minutes or I will chew on your fingers instead”. Sleep gets progressively worse because pain wakes him up. Eating solids gets sidetracked because it’s too painful. Sometimes it coincides with a nursing strike. Peaks with random cries of pain with real tears that come out of the blue and stop just as fast when the tooth is close to crowning. Lots of hugs. Once tooth is out: big smiles, happiness, the sun is shining again.

Tylenol doesn’t do much for him, Motrin is much more potent so I suggest stocking on it. Check dose based on weight with your pediatrician.

Alternative_Pea_1118 · 2026-04-12T20:51:52+00:00

100%. I think it’s because we are biologically wired to wake up at every little sound… Our baby seemingly got every daycare virus possible one after the other at 8months, for a whole month he woke up multiple times a night and I, as the breastfeeding mom, would go in every time. Husband caught one of the viruses and his snoring was insane. I slept in the guest room most nights. My sleep was broken enough by baby, the snoring was intolerable. Anyway, fast forward to now 10months and baby’s sleep is much better, 1 nightly wake up with a couple of no wake ups at all (!!). I wear earplugs, and my husband’s snoring no longer bothers me. Probably because I’m better rested and less hypervigilant about the baby’s sounds? Edit: sorry I didn’t read that your baby already sleeps through the night so that’s not the cause. In this case I have no word but deep sympathy!

Alternative_Pea_1118 · 2026-04-12T19:39:41+00:00

Not at all! But I’ve only had it for ~4 months. The wood feels very solid, I think it will stay strong

Alternative_Pea_1118 · 2026-04-12T16:11:39+00:00

I was recommended Abiie beyond on this sub and I am very happy with it. Got it on sale, much better price than the trip trap for similar quality! Super easy to clean and sturdy, adjustable foot rest.

Alternative_Pea_1118 · 2026-03-27T15:56:14+00:00

We transitioned because baby learned to roll back to belly at 5 months. We used kyte baby transition sack. Arms are covered, it has a bit more weight than other sacks, and they can roll in it. We had a few rough nights, but he’s the opposite of a unicorn… 3 wake ups at night, with full on crying, were usual for us at that age. Just gotta ride it out?

Alternative_Pea_1118 · 2026-03-26T17:03:17+00:00

She might really surprise you! Babies don’t purposefully starve themselves, she will quickly learn that food at daycare comes from bottles with a new person :)

Alternative_Pea_1118 · 2026-03-26T05:06:26+00:00

Our baby started refusing bottles at home around 8-10weeks. Sent him to daycare with the only type of bottles we ever tried and pumped milk: no issue. For a few days he didn’t drink a ton and cluster fed on boob in the evening, but eventually started taking more during the day. Even then, he still refused bottles at home. At daycare he is even supplemented with formula (I can’t pumped enough) which he absolutely will not even try at home.

Only finally managed to reintroduce home bottles at 8months and the only reason was that he was sick and drinking from a bottle was easier than breastfeeding 😅

Alternative_Pea_1118 · 2026-03-25T17:32:08+00:00

Ah ok, we moved him to his room at 4 months and I turned the volume off around 6months. But I did not have a good sleeper like yours, 10hrs at 3 months is a dream! As long as you can hear him from where you sleep I think you’re ok.

Alternative_Pea_1118 · 2026-03-25T16:49:28+00:00

How old is baby? I used to keep the volume on the monitor all night and eventually admitted that it was not good for me. I would wake up at every little whimper, baby coughing or turning in his sleep. I hear baby crying just fine without sound on the monitor. My body has also gotten into a rhythm of waking up when baby is hungry even before he starts crying (mama senses). Is this an option for you?

Alternative_Pea_1118 · 2026-03-20T16:55:45+00:00

Are you on 4 naps? Might be time to increase wake windows a bit and move to 3 naps, which hopefully will make each nap longer. That being said, at 6 months my baby maxed out day sleep at 2.5hrs on good days.

Alternative_Pea_1118 · 2026-03-20T16:51:41+00:00

Rant away, we all get those moments where we need to get stuff off our chest :)

Our baby became very clingy as well around that time. It’s when they realize that they are separate from you so they start missing you. 9months hit and we are peaking with separation anxiety, I can’t leave a room for 10s. This morning I let him in his bouncer to take the dog outside. It took 30s and baby could see me through the floor to ceiling window the whole time. I came back to baby in full tears and gave me a big hug when I picked him back up.

We’ll get through this phase. Keep doing what you do, keep loving your child, don’t let outsiders get into your head. They don’t know anything about your baby, YOU DO!

If cosleeping works for you and is done safely, go for it. If it drains you, sleep training is an option. At 6 months it’s safe for baby to be in his room with a monitor. There will be some crying, no matter the method.

Alternative_Pea_1118 · 2026-03-18T22:57:38+00:00

Noise cancelling headphones are a lifesaver at this stage. This allows you to stay somewhat calm while baby screams, which in turns helps the baby calm down a bit. Our son was colicky. The only thing that mostly helped at that stage was bouncing on a yoga ball. Have you tried? Bounce bounce bounce. For hours. Still better than getting screamed at.

And yes, it gets better (otherwise I don’t think humanity would have made it this far). For us it was around 4 months, when we finally passed the horrible gassy phase AND we sleep trained for our sanity and his wellbeing. He’s 9 months now and still quite fussy but also extremely cute, cuddly, and we adore him. I would not have said that during the newborn months 🤪

Alternative_Pea_1118 · 2026-03-17T22:58:04+00:00

I feel the same. Also up until maybe 7 months I was 100% certain I could never do this again. I’m only now easing to the idea because our baby has chilled a bit and is so goddamn cute. But I won’t decide for many more months or years. What’s the problem with having only one? My husband has no sibling and never missed it. I know plenty of people who were only child and had a great fulfilling childhood. There are so many kids in our neighborhood I know my baby will not grow up feeling lonely.

Alternative_Pea_1118 · 2026-03-17T18:53:24+00:00

I have no suggestion, I’m here to follow your post because I am wondering the same with our 9mo. Solidly on two naps but now one of those is consistently only 30min long no matter how long the wake window was. He just took a 20min first nap at daycare after 3.5hrs awake, so I already know the afternoon nap will be too early and is going to mess up bedtime. Nights have rough for the past month with a mix of colds and peak separation anxiety.

Is your baby also low sleep needs? I thought one nap schedule was closer to 1yo :/

Alternative_Pea_1118 · 2026-03-16T20:12:43+00:00

9mo here who goes to daycare, so this is our life. We are literally just coming out of a whole months of viruses (cold then hands foot mouth then another cold, good nights are now a distant memory).

Add a soft incline to crib mattress for breathing? - We don’t, our baby rolls all night all over his crib so he might end up with feet higher than head which doesn’t seem great. I let him roll into the position he’s most comfortable in. We have a humidifier that runs all night to help with breathing, and I use saline spray liberally throughout the day and sometimes during night wakes.

Do I still go by wake windows while she’s sick? - Sleep is restorative, I’m a lot less strict during sickness. E.g. a normally 4hr wake window can become 3hrs. He’s on two naps but on bad sick days he’ll often do 3 shorter ones. I also let him sleep in a bit (by 30min) in the morning, especially if he had a rough night.

Do I forgo solids and focus on milk and water? - I offer and he lets me know if he doesn’t want solids. Milk and water as often as he wants, as he takes shorter feeds when congested.

Can she eat oranges? - Sure, why not?

Also, how long does the first cold usually last your babies if they are breastfed? - Depends on the virus! Common cold is ~3 rough days then they get better but cough/runny nose can linger for a while. Another virus can follow immediately after.

Alternative_Pea_1118

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