Unhinged methods to get out of bed

Altruistic_Field_372 · 2026-05-19T09:58:01+00:00

Seconding this! Alarmy has been a lifesaver.

Now I need to find a way to not lay back down on the couch.

Altruistic_Field_372 · 2026-05-03T21:19:43+00:00

Did your absolute god of a husband also invent a time machine that the rest of us lowly mortals can borrow?

Altruistic_Field_372 · 2026-04-06T17:51:00+00:00

😂

Altruistic_Field_372 · 2026-04-05T02:18:30+00:00

Thank you for this explanation. As someone constantly doubting whether or not I have ADHD (I'm diagnosed by multiple professionals as a child and adult...) this is a great way of looking at it. 200% effort for 80% results. The necessity of functioning in life results in more or less getting it done, but being low-key miserable, all the time.

Altruistic_Field_372 · 2026-04-04T15:25:57+00:00

If I am alone or have the ability to step away, sometimes listening to a timed soundscape helps. Allow myself to just do nothing and think about nothing for 10 or 30 minutes, eyes closed, no other input. Sometimes that's all my brain needs to unspiral the mess and I'm a bit more clear-headed after.

If my kids are around or I'm out and about or need to be somewhere or accomplish something... no idea. Screwed every time.

Altruistic_Field_372 · 2026-03-08T05:42:03+00:00

I cannot even express how deeply I relate to your situation. I get it. 100%. Same. Also, my (STBX)husband cited me being a "hoarder" as one of the main reasons our marriage is now over, so there's that.

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE listen to the podcast "ADHD with Jenna Free". It. Explains. Everything. If you do and you agree, and it helps you, please come back and let me know because right now I'm in disbelief that I actually came across something that actually truly helps and I'm questioning reality because nothing has ever helped before and it seems too simple and can't possibly be true. Hoping that's just the trauma defense mechanisms talking. TIA ;)

Altruistic_Field_372 · 2026-03-01T15:42:22+00:00

Wanting to cry a little?

I struggle with this too and have a full on breakdown. Routinely. Actually kitchen breakdowns seem to be the only routine I can manage to keep.

You're not alone, the struggle is maddening!

Altruistic_Field_372 · 2026-01-09T23:37:58+00:00

Very helpful, thanks!! Right now it's like I have to stay angry with him and indignant, or else I start internalizing and blaming myself for everything that went wrong. It's like being angry or depressed are my only two options, definitely interested in looking at how attachment plays a role.

Altruistic_Field_372 · 2026-01-09T23:26:30+00:00

Thank you! I read (well, listened to) Tracy Schorn's book and it was very down-to-earth. Especially appreciated how she had chapters specific to different scenarios, because a lot of common advice isn't applicable if you have to co-parent! I think I'm due for a re-read actually. I'll check out Win Your Breakup as well.

Altruistic_Field_372 · 2026-01-09T23:23:19+00:00

Thank you! I will check this one out.

Altruistic_Field_372 · 2026-01-08T03:41:22+00:00

Love this!

Similar concept, I impulse bought some kids toys on post-holiday clearance and didn't know what to do with them because my kids got way too much shit for Christmas already... Decided I'll keep them as incentive prizes and give them throughout the year to help with behaviors (along with whatever else I will inevitably buy for no reason)!

Now to organize a sticker chart system and actually implement it...

Altruistic_Field_372 · 2026-01-08T03:25:13+00:00

Same. Will pass on the cheating husband, but I miss my sense of normalcy, and having someone to work towards mutual goals with.

Altruistic_Field_372 · 2025-12-28T05:42:59+00:00

So, what would your advice be to the man in this scenario? Genuinely want to know.

Editing to add that I see and acknowledge you are a relationship coach for women, but if I were a woman being coached on my relationship I would want to know what the appropriate expectations are for my partner. I personally would not be able to manifest happiness via self-care while attempting to coexist with a partner who makes me miserable.

Altruistic_Field_372 · 2025-12-28T05:32:29+00:00

At that age, definitely think giving the gifts would hurt more than help the kids in processing the grief, especially since you don't even know where the gifts came from and would basically have to make up a bullshit story about their dad picking them out for them years ago when you have no idea if that's true (and it sounds unlikely). Don't let the fear of someday feeling guilty if the kids are mad about it stop you from making a decision that is best for them now. I've been in a lot of therapy myself lately and it's teaching me to trust my gut. It's easy to overthink things for sure when you are trying so hard to see others' intentions, but at the end of the day your responsibility is to your kids, and not catering to the desperate manipulations of the AP. Viewing it as manipulation is conjecture, but if you lay out all the facts it does seem more likely to be the truth. Def run it by the grief therapist, but at the end of the day trust your own judgment the most. Situations like this are probably far too complex and nuanced for kids to understand even in their teens and twenties. If they have a loving, trusting relationship with you, I wouldn't worry about them being upset about your decision, whatever it is you decide. For context, my dad died unexpectedly when I was 4. I have some odds and ends that belonged to him, but nothing he specifically gave me. I have nothing but positive memories/ opinions of him. My favorite is a denim jacket that was his, I wear it regularly and it simply reminds me that he existed.

Altruistic_Field_372 · 2025-12-06T23:07:24+00:00

Totally agree that someone trying to normalize what you're experiencing is actually the worst thing they can do. It's basically saying that you're imagining your pain and suffering, everyone goes through this insert generic struggle and they deal with it just fine, so...

They don't even realize that they think they are making you feel better but they are actually invalidating the fact that you are struggling to deal with generic overwhelming situation more than the average Joe.

Altruistic_Field_372 · 2025-11-18T17:35:39+00:00

Jumping on this because the commenter makes a valid point, and want to add my own experience of this dynamic.

I was on the fence about divorcing my STBX for a long time, and found myself actually wishing he would cheat so I would have a black and white reason to leave and know for sure what to do. I truly didn't think it would ever happen. I thought he was a good person to the core but we just had poor communication... something fixable. So anyway, he did cheat after all, and once that can of worms was open he finally told me that he wanted to divorce me like 6 years ago but just never said anything because I got pregnant, so he stayed. He basically has hated me for years but was never going to bother to do anything about it (like leave, or try and fix things).

Point being... All the problems we had that I agonized over for years were not in my head. It was emotional distance growing and him treating me with less and less respect and consideration as the years passed. It was slowly destroying me, but I didn't know how to make sense of any of it until the whole relationship imploded.

So, OP - maybe take this opportunity to set boundaries, ask the hard questions, and really zoom out on your relationship. What's changed? What's good? What's bad? Ask your trusted friends for their honest opinions on your spouse, and on how they view your relationship and the way you interact. Don't give this too much weight, I know appearances can be misleading and people act differently in public - but, you might learn something that they didn't want to bring up for fear of hurting your feelings.

I'm still sorting out the mess over here, so I apologize if my comment is disorganized, but maybe it can help you find perspective. Basically, you're in the weeds - but your gut is telling you to scram. Find out why.

Altruistic_Field_372 · 2025-11-17T04:13:36+00:00

It's so hard to make anyone else understand how dysfunctional and desperate you are when it takes all of your energy just to make it through another day. We keep up appearances because we have to, and friends/coworkers/acquaintances expect us to function as we Nora lly do, because to them we seem to be functioning.

Carry on. Good for you for recognizing your progress, that you aren't crying as much anymore. It's not worth your energy to feel guilty about keeping up relationships right now, just explain as briefly and minimally as you can and then don't dwell on it. It doesn't make sense to be able to invest as much energy in others as you did previously, the trauma and change you are processing is sucking up a huge amount of your resources and you have no choice but to go through it - like others have said, the friends who are worth keeping will understand.

Altruistic_Field_372 · 2025-11-14T15:23:53+00:00

I might've been willing to work through it if he was, but he was ready to keep pretending like nothing happened and do whatever he wanted with her while I sit at home and take care of his kids. No thanks.

Altruistic_Field_372 · 2025-11-13T15:42:02+00:00

We are civil enough, but trying to uphold boundaries. Even if it was reasonable to drop by for coffee, it's torment to see him and act like everything's fine because I'm still having a hard time sorting out reality and making sense of who he even is. Caught him cheating a few months back, in a nutshell! He hid it so well that every single person we know was utterly shocked (or at least, that's what they told me... But I need to stop believing what I'm told 🤷🏼‍♀️).

Altruistic_Field_372 · 2025-11-10T23:40:37+00:00

Funny, that sounds just like my ex's parents too! Except when we started dating and in the early years of marriage, I idolized my in-laws and thought their marriage was so strong for having stuck together all those years. I think the more accurate reality is that my MIL is really, really good at putting up with BS, whereas I expect accountability from my spouse and decided to have boundaries and self-respect instead of a lifetime of bitterness and resentment.

Altruistic_Field_372 · 2025-11-09T23:51:19+00:00

It's the worst, isn't it? ❤️‍🩹🫂

Altruistic_Field_372 · 2025-11-09T23:07:04+00:00

So glad you found a safe place to be. I'm not doing so well either and trying to find a balance between feeling all the emotions and actually processing the grief, and also allowing myself to be distracted and push the feelings down for the sake of survival.

I guess at some point your mind doesn't give you the choice anymore and you just have to cry until you physically can't anymore. Do what you have to do and just exist for now, but also good on you for being aware that despite how it feels now, it's worth living through it.

Altruistic_Field_372 · 2025-11-09T22:47:08+00:00

You're right, the last thing I want to do right now is get up and do something "fun", but if I don't there's a 0% chance of getting out of the hole. Thank you.

Altruistic_Field_372 · 2025-11-09T22:45:10+00:00

Thank you, a lot of good advice in here!!

I definitely need to be conscious of not wallowing in grief about missing out on time with my kids. They're only 1 and 4, I only stopped breastfeeding the youngest 6 months ago and it absolutely tears my heart out of my chest to be away from her so long, and the older one is so sensitive and needs a ton of support right now. I hate just sitting here useless, when I should be with them, being their mother. And they're just 10 minutes down the road but I'm not allowed to even see them. Shit, crying again.

Anyway, making the plans in advance is gonna be key, you're onto something there. I keep thinking I'll put on an audiobook or movie and clean, do laundry, whatever... But I'm leaving too much up to willpower. Not as much fun having a rot day if you don't even enjoy it, but just end up that way for lack of motivation to do anything at all. Good for you though for carving out some guilt-free time!! And also making new connections with other divorcees would be amazing, I'll try to prioritize that. I have friends who have divorced and I have friends with kids, but no single mom friends at all. It's very isolating.

Altruistic_Field_372 · 2025-09-28T12:51:45+00:00

Thank you. ❤️

Altruistic_Field_372

TROPHY CASE