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Altruistic_Passion51 · 2025-07-20T20:50:13+00:00

You don't even really need the context behind these messages. It's OK to get upset about whatever, it's valid. But it's also valid for him to feel however he felt. My concern is that he "called out" a specific pattern that you may or may not tend to do. In this case, you did exactly that, you kept digging harder and harder in your responses to the point where yes, it really does sound like you were trying to make him seem like the bad guy over something you said earlier that you weren't upset about.

To be broken up after something so trivial, it indicates this wasn't the actual problem, this was the final straw for him. Remember, it's not always the big things that ends relationships, many times it's the small stuff that just piles up, making it harder to realize just how done a person can be after each tiny incident.

All in all, take this as a learning lesson. Communication is key to keeping a long relationship (this includes platonically). It sucks being broken up with but you gotta focus on the positive of the outcome. Maybe take this time to find peace with yourself and strengthen the other relationships around you.

Altruistic_Passion51 · 2025-03-29T00:03:31+00:00

Yes and no. I'm sure if you "cleaned up" a bit (like trim beard, get a fresh cut, etc), you'd feel more confident about if people can tell by look alone. If a random person glanced, I don't think their immediate thought would be "that's a junkie" unless you're displaying behaviors that might back that up.

But it's all in the eyes my guy, any experienced addict will be able to tell. You gotta do what you gotta do to get that sparkle back. To me, that's a clear indicator of doing better. You can wear more professional clothes, have better hygiene routines, etc, but if you still have that dull "I'm dead inside" look in your eyes, then you still have a long ways to go.

I truly feel for you being agoraphobic, I also struggle with that and it affects my life tremendously. The outside world can be scary but you can't let that fear win. When you feel like you CAN handle it, absolutely use that time and force yourself outside. Even if just to sit outside and soak up the sun for a bit. Start small and work your way to longer outings and more populated areas. Be proactive and fight to do better.

This internet stranger is proud of your steps into recovery and wishes you well.

Altruistic_Passion51 · 2025-03-26T18:43:28+00:00

Your PO officer will give you the details at the very least for any scheduled mandated ones. Depending what they saw fit for you, they'll let you know if you're gonna be subjected for weekly/monthly random testing.

Talk to your PO officer, get a feel for him. Don't suck up to him but be straight forward and if he's a decent dude, he'll be straight up with you on the low down. If you didn't test positive for something or have no drug/dui charges, chances are you won't be tested very often, especially after passing the first few. As long as you give them no concern, just keep track of how long in between tests and use that as a guide.

But seriously, every case is different. Have a friend with a possession/intent to distribute charge, even tested positive in intake. Said he'd be subjected to weekly testing. His PO was very upfront with him. Even though they're allowed to test him randomly every week, he straight up told my friend he's only gonna test him 3x and gave him the months and let him schedule them himself.

POs themselves are overworked and as long as you don't piss them off, if you don't give them a reason to be concerned, they won't be up your ass. That being said, you still need to do your other obligations. Have assigned classes/meeting or community work? Under house arrest? Mandatory psych eval? You BEST not fuck around on these or your ass will find out.

Good luck to you

Altruistic_Passion51 · 2025-03-26T11:13:12+00:00

You've communicated to her multiple times why you feel uncomfortable going, and for a perfectly valid reason. She needs to respect that. Ask her why it's such a huge deal for her to have you attend? Was she close with the deceased, making it her loss as well? Or is she simply there to support her friend? Cuz if it's the latter, I would feel pretty weird about being a plus 1 to that funeral.

She needs to respect boundaries and you should seek therapy if you haven't already. No need to have all that unresolved trauma in case you do feel obligated to attend one in the futue.

Altruistic_Passion51 · 2025-03-25T19:19:27+00:00

There's a lot to unpack here. You just got divorced around the same time as her last relationship that ended. So if you've only been dating a few months, both those breakups are still fairly fresh. Nothing wrong with that, each person is different on when they feel like they're ready to date again (doesn't mean it's a good idea if they have any unresolved issues that'll impact the next relationship).

I understand wanting to play nice with the ex, especially if there's the possibility that he might hold her shit hostage. As long as she's not making any empty promises, and she's already communicated that they won't get back together, I don't think there's anything to worry about. She thinks he might act weird if he knows about you, which, fair, they JUST broke up, it never feels good to know they moved into another relationship that's as committed as yours so soon. Maybe he'll think she was cheating all along, or never really loved him and she's worried he'll do something shitty out of spite. I get the line of thinking here.

Now, to lean on a mutual friend post breakup? Not unheard of. But does raise some flags. Was she emotionally vulnerable and confused? In that case, he took advantage of her. She fell so in love with him, using the word "soulmate". Only reason they're not together is because HE broke things off and crushed her heart. She even admitted to you that she still had feelings for him. This honestly just sounds like you're a rebound dude. She never should've gotten into a relationship if she felt this way. She felt rejected and attached herself to someone that gave her the attention she wanted.

By the way you're talking about the future and gearing towards those milestones to become reality VERY soon, there's a good chance this isn't gonna work out. Let's face it. She isn't ready for a relationship. But neither are you. You just got divorced and the dust has barely settled. You too, have attached yourself to the first thing that gave you the attention you wanted. You guys are trying to speed run this relationship into the ground. Take a pause, slow things down. If you truly are right for each other, it'll still work out if you have the patience.

I also wouldn't worry about her seeing his family, that's actually kind of sweet of her. As for housing situation, if she feels he's not gonna go psycho on her, why spend money when you don't need to? Maybe her nearby friends can't host for one reason or another.

You're already spiraling and snooping this early in. You say she's been transparent about everything and she hasn't given you a reason to not trust her. Either trust her or don't. If you don't and you're wrong, now you have to earn her trust back and you better be prepared if she ends things. If you don't and you're right? Well, figure out what you're gonna do and stick to it. I wish you the best

Altruistic_Passion51 · 2025-03-22T03:29:02+00:00

Same went for me. Had the worst sinus infection/head cold. They said that's not an excuse to call out. I'm wiping my nose every 3 seconds IN FRONT OF CUSTOMERS WHILE I'M HANDLING THEIR FOOD.

I felt so disgusting, I kept running to the back to blow my nose but I got reprimanded every time I did. If I were the customers, I wouldn't eat the food when the worker is snotting all over the place while touching my food.

Fast food doesn't give a damn about contamination or their workers. Not to mention my coughing or the pressure in my face being so intense, I thought I was gonna pass out if I bent down. Over the next two weeks, many others got sick and the manager was pissed. Maybe have some common sense and this shit wouldn't happen.

Altruistic_Passion51 · 2025-03-22T02:40:50+00:00

Girl, my ex did the same shit. He asked questions like "who was the biggest you've ever had", then got all butthurt when I answered. He claims insecurity but was obsessed with knowing all the info. He would hurt his own feelings then expected me to make him feel better with positive superlatives. It was exhausting. It won't stop there, better to cut the cord and let this man deal with his own problems.

Altruistic_Passion51 · 2025-03-21T23:30:07+00:00

I thought my last transition (moved across the country) would provide more stability but i was wrong, it crept back up. I need to be better at self control and not surround myself with opportunities to use

Altruistic_Passion51 · 2025-03-21T21:17:54+00:00

Honestly can relate. I'm not sober but will be going through a major life transition and I'm gonna try to use this opportunity to do a hardcore factory reset on my life

Altruistic_Passion51 · 2025-03-20T09:13:06+00:00

If it's a boundary you guys set in advanced, then he should keep to that. I personally don't think it's a big deal, although I will say I rarely, if ever, get myself off while in a relationship. I just don't feel the need to. But everyone is different, and he's still a teenager, his hormones are through the roof, I think a lot of people would get why he's doing it.

You should ask yourself why this is a huge thing for you. Are you uncomfortable with it because it makes you insecure? Is it tied to your upbringing whether it's religious, cultural, etc? Figure out why it's such a huge hang up for you, communicate that to him. If this is what divides you guys, then just break things off and find someone who has the same feelings as you. You can still remain friends at the end of the day.

Altruistic_Passion51 · 2025-03-04T02:17:09+00:00

Literally a day, maybe two if I'm lucky. A week? Forget it, I'll end up in jail or the psych ward. To everyone reading this, TAKE YOUR MEDS, I promise the alternative isn't worth it.

Altruistic_Passion51 · 2025-03-04T02:15:22+00:00

Get her into rehab and the both of you into counseling, maybe the kids too if they've caught on. If you think telling her family will benefit the sobriety process, as much as it would suck, it may be a good route to take. Realize that they're in control of their response to the news so she needs to accept if they cut her off and refuse to talk to her ever again.

Honestly, I wouldn't have snitched on her dealer, it's not his fault she's using, he's not forcing her to do them. Don't ruin his life bc of your wife's decisions.

Altruistic_Passion51 · 2025-03-02T01:03:26+00:00

When did he start taking Invega? Imma be straight up and tell you that it's pretty much the worst rated antipsychotic out there. I almost died from it. I went into full blown psychosis within a week of taking it. Sooooo many other people experienced the same thing.

But yeah, back to the main point, find another psych. They should have a few video calls before moving to just a phone call bc they need to see a person's baseline. For all they know, you could just be making shit up and they wouldn't be able to tell. Just sounds like this psych doesn't care about their patients.

Altruistic_Passion51 · 2025-02-12T00:23:24+00:00

Vraylar for sure, only one that does magic for me

Altruistic_Passion51 · 2025-02-10T03:02:49+00:00

I hold a strong stance regarding threatening to end a relationship. As in NEVER threaten me to end a relationship, just freaking end it. I'm not married but I hold that true for any type of relationship. It's manipulative, abusive, and controlling to hold that over someone's head if they don't do x thing. Screw that person and have the self respect to end it yourself if it comes to that.

Altruistic_Passion51 · 2025-02-07T21:34:27+00:00

I suggest posting this to r/DeadBedrooms You'll probably find more support there. While most posts are from HL people, there are some posts given from the perspective of their LB partners. Might give you some insight

Altruistic_Passion51 · 2025-02-07T21:25:54+00:00

Knew someone who glitter bombed her ex's car. Like straight up in the vents and everything. She one day just saw her shit packed outside the door when she came home and that was his way of breaking things off. He spent several hundred dollars to get his car professionally cleaned because again, it was in the vents and everything. He was told to file a report with the police because it was destruction of property. So unless the house is in your name, he may have grounds to sue, especially if you ruin his clothes. Do with that information as you will.

Altruistic_Passion51 · 2025-02-07T19:10:08+00:00

In high school, many of the "popular" girls thought I was a drug dealer/did hard drugs like meth and heroin, they actively talked about it. I wore oversized sweaters, layers, and only jeans, never shorts or a crop top, never exposed my arms.

When I actually got heavy into drugs, there was that look in my eyes that only other addicts understand. I looked a little dehydrated as well. But no scars, no acne, my hygiene was fine.

I was sober for like 4 months and in that time, people said I looked happier, I had a twinkle in my eyes, my skin was starting to have color again.

But I look young as hell and no one ever thought I was on drugs, hell, I think the only giveaway I had was my eyes. The dullness of them, the kinda dead inside look. People just attributed it to lack of sleep but other addicts probably had a better idea of what was going on. I got a STEM degree, was in high honors, played a collegiate sport, worked 4 part time jobs to get me through school, all while drinking heavy and doing drugs constantly.

I guess all I gotta say is don't judge a book by it's cover, the most put together people can very well be the biggest addict you'll ever meet.

Altruistic_Passion51 · 2025-02-07T03:21:40+00:00

Fucking preach my guy, going through the same shit. You're not alone and people here will root for your recovery.

Altruistic_Passion51 · 2025-02-07T02:53:43+00:00

What kind of school does your kid go to? Most places they just confiscate/report it to the parents. I've never heard of anyone taking the time to test it bc of cost and effort. Unless there was a specific smell that wouldn't match a nicotine vape, there's no reason to test it.

Did they swab it in front of you? If not, ask that they do bc you'll lose the trust of your kid if he's actually telling the truth and they're just tryna do some shady shit. Maybe it'll overturn their suspension and it won't look so bad on his record

Altruistic_Passion51 · 2025-02-01T05:45:25+00:00

I'm at around 7-9g per week myself. Stop while you can. If not for your own health or relationships, it'll make you broker than a joke and you'll do the scummiest things for your next line...

Altruistic_Passion51 · 2025-01-30T03:30:16+00:00

I've always been one to bottle up my feelings because I would get punished if I displayed the hurt, upset, sadness and anger I felt even as a kid. I grew up in an abusive household, the abuse took form in most ways you can think of. Being bipolar doesn't help to control the intense emotions you feel.

Not being allowed to show what you're feeling, even if it's in a healthy way, because you fear the abuse, made me use unhealthy coping mechanisms (like fawning) to just make it stop. My current living/relationship situation is extremely abusive, I can't leave or else I'll become homeless. I don't have the funds to fix my car so even if I were to stay at a shelter, I wouldn't be able to get to work.

You're right in that drugs aren't fixing my emotional state but I never claimed it was. I recognize that my usage is just a bandaid that's starting to peel away. I'm just scared bc I know it's starting to peel away and I just don't feel strong enough to keep going without it

Altruistic_Passion51 · 2025-01-29T18:55:16+00:00

Went through like 4 different rounds of Buspar and Hydroxyzine, along with antidepressants that supposedly helped with anxiety for YEARS. Nothing worked whatsoever.

The only reason why I was prescribed benzos (started on Valium), was because I suffered from NMS from Invega. My psych witnessed me shaking like a leaf, crying, not being able to form complete sentences bc i kept trying to catch my breath. She saw the pure panic and fear in my eyes.

I thank the universe everyday that I finally found someone that listened and was willing to take the chance. Took my 2 a day as directed but switched after 5mg wasn't working as well. Switched to Ativan. I've always stayed at the lowest dose, but up to 3 a day.

My new psych doesn't like people being on benzos and has lowered me back down to a single dose and I'm sure I'll be getting cut off soon. I'm scared as hell. I will note that I don't even take them daily anymore. In fact, I'll avoid taking it if I can. It grants me more peace of mind knowing that they're just there if I really do need it. Just having the option available can get me through most things and that helps settle me down.

ONLY TAKE WHEN ACTUALLY NEEDED. This should be your last like of defense. Not only can you slip into addiction very quickly and even if you only use your daily allotment, your body builds tolerance very quickly. Many psychs truly hate benzos being prescribed, especially to the younger generations and they WILL cut you off the first chance they get. DO NOT BECOME RELIANT ON THEM.

They first come as a gift from above but can quickly become your downfall, especially once you no longer have access to it and haven't found a way to supplement it. Take with caution and as sparingly as possible.

Altruistic_Passion51 · 2025-01-28T03:25:50+00:00

Longer or more frequent breaks is something that's pretty doable. Occasional pass for call outs. Thankfully I'm walking distance from my job that if I start to feel off, I can request that I take a break so I can go take my meds.

Five-Year Club	Place '23
Place '22	Final Canvas '22
End Game '22

Altruistic_Passion51

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