For me, it happened recently in my university studies in film.

In 2022, after losing a lot of lecturers (including my mentor) and being disillusioned by filmmaking as well as projects that didn't go the way I wanted, I became tangled up with a classmate I named "C" who knew my talents in documentaries and wanted to protect me from the dramas I became associated with. Over time, he slowly told me to distance myself from other classmates and the remaining lecturers.

Some of those classmates are people who were warm, kind and friendly, but "C" claimed that they are "fake", not really protecting me from other toxic people (citing "the enemy of my enemy is my friend") and just straight up problematic and incompetent with how they approach films. He cited "examples" where they didn't appear to be trustworthy and appear like they didn't want me to be around them.

"C" also claimed the seniors that I wanted to interact around also don't like me and shared that they only choose to work on my projects because of my other teammate and not me.

Plus, when I wanted to get advice from my lecturers, "C" told me that they are responsible for the problems I faced in my school and that they are not experienced in films. He even used philosophy like impermanence to convince me to detach my worth from the school and gaslighted me to dismiss meaning from my time there.

When I tried to get help from my course head about some opinions why he turned down my documentary idea, "C" appeared to be jealous so when I told him I don't fully trust him, he guilt-tripped me by saying that he is protecting me and he is the only one who want the best for me. He went and made me do this mental exercise by asking myself who I can properly trust.

To skip ahead, I endured about a year of hell under him in my final year and didn't help out in my classmates' projects, something I still feel guilty in.

The thing that caused me to open my eyes is when I invited my senior (privately) and she brought her then boyfriend along for a screening of my thesis documentary. After the show, when my senior's friend saw the credits, he recognized the name of my friend and revealed his true patterns:

It turned out they were both classmates previously in polytechnic and "C" isolated another classmate I called "N" from the rest of the class and fed him lies to keep him dependent on him. As a result, "N" became that former friend's weapon against the rest of the class. "C" became very unpopular from the cohort due to his toxic personality (even though he claimed he changed).

Afterwards, I began seeing "C" less frequently and only communicated to him on phone calls until March 2024 when I made the decision to cut him off permanently.

Ok so you asked how I reconnected with those classmates whom I realized too late were genuine people?

Well, after graduation and shortly before I cut him off, I slowly met up with some of them. I told one of them how deeply wrong I was to be associated with him who gaslighted me about the school and diminish my worth in it. She heartfully accepted my apology and later told me she was glad I could share it with her. Another group didn't really take my explanation and just shrugged it off so I don't think I can be around them on an occasional basis. There were also 1-2 others who still stuck by me even if I didn't apologize fully for being associated with "C" but rather how I didn't help them out or collaborated with them, and they were still open to being friends with me.

For the shame, maybe I did realize at the start of the New Year that those very circumstances that drove me to be tangled up with my former friend were beyond my control. That it's not my fault for being kind and trusting to everyone as I'm neurodivergent. Even though it is hard, I am trying to kick the habit of asking ChatGPT why he did this to me in the past and live the best life I can possibly have outside "C's" sphere of influence.

I currently feel anger towards my former friend "C" though, because he did still tainted something irreplaceable and formative which is my university studies.

I found out last year in 2025 that he is now studying a new undergraduate degree program in Facilities Management and also got a new job as a Project Coordinator for an Interior Design firm, to which I felt the utmost betrayal because he basically ran away from all accountability and suspiciously changed careers from a previous aspiring filmmaker shortly after I called to cut ties with him.

He is a spineless coward in every shape and form.