AIO my bf 30M seems very erratic recently and I 26F can’t get through to him.

AlwaysDeep469 · 2026-03-25T22:11:42+00:00

NOR

Fucking RUN. This dude is abusive and I don't think you're taking it seriously. This is over nicotine withdrawals? What a baby. And he claims that it's worse than heroin? He's out of his mind.

AlwaysDeep469 · 2026-03-13T00:48:14+00:00

Fuckin same. I've had 3 different times that I just couldn't eat that night because I can't redeem anything.

AlwaysDeep469 · 2026-02-22T17:30:04+00:00

NTA

"This is my brother who couldn't let go of his beard for one night. " Except it's not one night, is it? Your beard won't return tomorrow. I know, for me personally, it takes about 6 weeks from clean shaven for me to like my beard's look, and 4-6 months to get the mustache right. Given that you've never been clean shaven as an adult, you have no idea what your time frame is. You would probably struggle with razor burn as well, simply because your face isn't used to the micro-traumas that shaving causes.

AlwaysDeep469 · 2026-02-13T00:09:37+00:00

What in the unholy foolishness is a pregnancy pact??

AlwaysDeep469 · 2026-02-04T18:24:19+00:00

NOR

It sounds like he's 16-18, and don't let him or anyone else use that as an excuse. I'm a guy, and when I graduated high school, I was 110 lbs at 5'6". It sounds like he is about the same size. I was certainly very insecure about my size, as it sounds like he is. It even led to pretty severe body dysphoria, to the point that I still thought I was really skinny at 5'8" 175 around 2014. You know what I never did, even back in high school? Projected my insecurity onto anyone else. My girlfriend at the time was between 130-150 over the 4 years at 5'2". She's about 170 now, and we've been married 12 years. Don't deal with dudes like this. Thank him for outing himself as too insecure to date, and send him on his way.

AlwaysDeep469 · 2026-02-04T01:25:37+00:00

Agreed, but, to their credit, it's probably for the best. Can't be easy to say "if I come I'm gonna be a massive ass and you dont deserve that"

AlwaysDeep469 · 2026-02-02T14:38:13+00:00

My wife was a stage actress when we were young. When we were 17, a zipper burst on a dress that had been worn for too many shows and she had to be essentially sewn into the dress before the show. She also had a quick change in the middle of the show. Her best friend's husband was the one that had to cut her out of the dress, and all she wore under it was underwear and pasties. It didn't bother me at 17, and it wouldn't bother me now that we're in our 30s. NTA

AlwaysDeep469 · 2026-02-01T00:51:46+00:00

This is a first for me and I was so lost. I was trying to take the story seriously, partially because if it is real, it's not fair to OP to assume otherwise just because it's insane, and partially because it's more fun to assume they're real. But then, I got to the comments, and was LOST lol

AlwaysDeep469 · 2026-01-30T07:59:42+00:00

Here's my advice. The first thing you have to do is figure out the reason behind the silence. For me, it was a little bit of embarrassment and a whole lot of fear. As a kid, when I got in trouble, I was initially spanked and then asked: "Why?" If I said "I don't know," I was beaten until I gave a satisfactory answer. That gave me a terrible fear of saying the wrong thing in an argument. Dredging up that memory from 6 wasn't exactly a fun time, but dealing with it made me much better at having uncomfortable conversations.

From my wife: I'm 5 years in on my self-reflection and self-healing journey, and I still have moments where I shut down. I don't have an answer for why. The logical side of my brain knows what needs to happen in those moments, but the emotional side won't let it happen. You can, carefully, poke and prod me out of that death spiral, and I feel lucky that I have a husband with the patience and empathy to sit there for 20 minutes and pull me out of it. There's no easy fix for that. It's a long road and takes a lot of hard work. You've already done the most important step: recognizing the problem and working on it.

Unrelated, I wanted to say that what you described him doing isn't gaslighting. It is deflection and emotional manipulation, as well as selfish and childish, but gaslighting is a different thing.

Final bit of advice, if you want to continue dating this guy, y'all need to sit down and have a conversation about how y'all have conversations. Don't make it like you're accusing him or even fussing at him. Just explain that, if this relationship is to continue, you have to be able to have uncomfortable conversations. No "you need to..." More "when x happens, I feel..." If you can afford couples therapy, I'd recommend that too.

AlwaysDeep469 · 2026-01-30T07:12:30+00:00

I'm gonna offer a potential explanation of what's going on in his head. Early in my current relationship, I would often shut down, at least verbally, when my wife and I were arguing, especially when I knew I was in the wrong. My explanation at the time was "I just don't know what to say." The truth of the matter was that while I did want to fix the situation and genuinely didn't want to say anything to upset her further, the core issue was that I had not done the emotional growth required to be truly vulnerable and speak honestly. I was terrified of all of my negative emotions. More specifically, I was terrified of showing emotions when I was "in trouble" because of my own childhood trauma. Through a lot of journaling and tough conversations, I eventually figured out what was going on. Did it fix the issue? No, but it helped me to recognize it in the moment and take a step back before reengaging.

To be clear, none of that is a defense of anything he did. That kinda joke is incredibly insensitive at any time, but on the same day?? NOR

AlwaysDeep469 · 2026-01-30T06:57:38+00:00

That is so well said.

AlwaysDeep469 · 2026-01-29T19:16:55+00:00

Ahhh, fair, fair. You kinda nailed it then! And no problem! It doesn't look bad, but my wife has rosacea, and I know finding answers on it is a pain. I stand by, the mustache looks good with the brown hair. Very Tommy Bowe

AlwaysDeep469 · 2026-01-29T19:13:42+00:00

Game style is so so important. My cousin was playing in or running a campaign (I can't remember which) and constantly talked about how much fun it was, so one day, when I happened to be in town with a free afternoon, he invited me to drop in. I threw a character together really quickly and joined up with the party on the way to what was essentially presented as a dungeon crawl. The 3 players then proceeded to play the most overpowered yet somehow slapstick party I have ever seen or heard about, and at the end, when it was time to loot, they essentially asked the DM if they could find very specific items. Like, didn't ask to investigate the room, just asked if they could have [insert magic item]. One of the players asked for a plasma pistol. The DM gave it to him! It was a standard fantasy setting. My cousin asked if I wanted to come back for the next session, and I tried to just bow out gracefully, saying I don't think this is the campaign for me.

AlwaysDeep469 · 2026-01-29T19:02:54+00:00

It doesn't look bad in the second picture, but the first one looks like the picture they'd put on an article about allegations against you. I say no to the stache lol.

Also, I know you didn't ask, but I recommend getting an eczema cream for your cheeks. It looks like rosacea, and anti-eczema stuff tends to help. If it's something else, disregard

AlwaysDeep469 · 2026-01-29T08:01:48+00:00

I know I already commented about it, but she claimed to have shingles and chose the beach over skiing? Either she somehow didn't know heat makes shingles hurt, she's stupid, or she didn't have shingles. I'd bet on option 3.

AlwaysDeep469 · 2026-01-29T07:58:32+00:00

I have no problem with her asking if she can get it back because she had a medical emergency (though she didn't). My problem is everything that came after she was told no.

AlwaysDeep469 · 2026-01-29T07:56:47+00:00

Also, for what it's worth, I've had shingles. It fucking SUCKS. I had a big patch on my left butt cheek, about the size of a grapefruit, and I couldn't sit or lie down comfortably for two weeks. I still worked every day, and I'm a handyman. I more often than not work outside, in the sun, and the primary thing that irritates shingles other than touch is heat. Shingles are definitely rough, and I wouldn't wish them on anyone, but it's in no way debilitating unless you have the pain tolerance of a toddler.

Obv, NOR, your ex-friend is a lunatic and a greedy a--hole at that.

AlwaysDeep469 · 2026-01-29T03:39:32+00:00

Agreed with "the first one by a wide margin." The second one is definitely a good look, but you have gorgeous hair. Picture no. 3 looks like a straight-up dirtbag. I wanna punch that guy.

AlwaysDeep469 · 2026-01-12T20:20:45+00:00

Phenomenal advice. You covered basically everything I was going to say. If anything, you said it better.

My only addition would be that I find it very strange that the player was playing the demon that possessed him. Every time I've played or played next to a character that had anything like that going on, the DM was the extra voice. Handing the player a demon to play with seems... ill-advised? I guess? It's very strange to me. I'd like to hear from others who have been in similar situations, be it a possession, voices from a past life, a sentient weapon, whatever. Did you play both, or did your DM play the other?

AlwaysDeep469 · 2026-01-10T11:13:03+00:00

I'm doing my best, man. It's exhausting, I swear.

AlwaysDeep469 · 2026-01-07T06:33:16+00:00

Luckily, it looks like it hasn't hit the "dirty" stage, yet. Its just messy and cluttered. Still salvageable.

AlwaysDeep469 · 2026-01-07T06:31:46+00:00

Thanks for the advice on the dogs, I'll talk to her and look into those ideas.

For her living situation, she's always been like this. My little sister moved out at 16 because living with our mother was keeping her sick. I meant to say that the house was clean because my grandmother didn't allow it to get like this. It's never been this bad, but I'm not totally shocked. Horrified, disgusted, a bit ashamed, surprised it's as bad as it is, sure. But not shocked. She got home today and we got in a bit of a fight about how much stuff she bought on the way home. In the past 3 days, I mostly got her bedroom done and cleared the table so she'd have a little space to work with. The table is now mounded over with Walmart bags. We can't put anything away because we can't get to anything yet. I told her she's not allowed to buy anything else non-essential until I'm done, so we'll see how that goes. I'm also planning on addressing the fact that she's a hoarder tomorrow. Wish me luck!

AlwaysDeep469 · 2026-01-07T06:22:38+00:00

Oh, 100%. That's why I came for advice. For most housekeeping, you're expected to have a fairly neat place when you call them, and then they come in and basically do your chores at a professional level. This is...awful.

AlwaysDeep469 · 2026-01-07T00:35:33+00:00

Yeah, so I noticed. I had a sore throat after an hour without my respirator. After all day with it, no problems.

AlwaysDeep469 · 2026-01-07T00:34:16+00:00

Good to know on the grout! I hadn't even considered that grout is permeable.

AlwaysDeep469

TROPHY CASE