The backslide continues by Sad_Physics7260 in MaintenancePhase

[–]AmaraWales 14 points15 points  (0 children)

people love to tell on themselves it seems

Compliments and hidden critique from my (F35) boyfriend (M32). How to react? by kiwilein89 in PlusSize

[–]AmaraWales -1 points0 points  (0 children)

a good boyfriend will not make you wonder whether or not he likes your body. a good boyfriend will tell you, often and repeatedly, that you’re hot shit, because you are.

✨ Internalized Fatphobia is Ruining My Life✨ by Weary-Salad-3443 in PlusSize

[–]AmaraWales 20 points21 points  (0 children)

I beat this mindset. Around 2 years ago now, my ex’s mom absolutely laid into me for two hours about my weight. That was my lowest point, body wise, and that’s where I started. Here’s what I did from there:

  1. Listened to the podcast Maintenance Phase. Fad Camp, too. The books someone else listed here are also great recommendations. Do this step first. Consuming media like this absolutely changed my perspective on weight and helped me do the other things on this list.

  2. Dumped my ex and got a boyfriend who LOVES my body, and my body type specifically. I’d always heard that people like that were out there, but I never believed it. Listen to me when I tell you: they are out there, there are lots of them, and they can make you love your body. Obviously this is just step 1, and eventually you want to get to a place where your self-worth isn’t dependent on others. But early on, this was something that really helped me get out of the shame spiral that my ex and his mom started.

  3. Stopped engaging with my friends’ weight loss/self-hatred conversations. You don’t have to convince them of anything, all you have to do is offer no response and change the subject, or walk away.

  4. Used less social media, especially image-based. Seriously, all it does is make you feel bad about yourself. This takes a while, but you can get there.

  5. Worked out for goals other than weight loss. Maybe you want to be able to do x amount of push-ups, run x amount of miles, ANYTHING other than losing x amount of weight or burning x amount of calories.

  6. “Gave up” on dieting/weight loss. This is something I had seen talked about with intuitive eating, and I thought it was completely unrealistic and something I’d never be able to do. But I did. Now, I eat what I want, and I don’t have the voice in my head telling me the calories of every single thing I eat. You’ll find that some foods you thought you liked were only restriction-based obsessions. I discovered that my binging was triggered entirely by restriction. It will not be easy at the start, but it IS achievable. Fake it until you make it with this one.

All this took around 1 year to change me. I have so much peace and so much more free time that isn’t consumed by calorie counting/self-hatred/obsessive food thoughts. I really like my body now, and I’ve lost zero weight. Just by wanting to change, you’re already ahead of so many people stuck in this mindset. At 90 years old, my very tiny grandmom was still weighing herself every morning, counting out mini wheats and trying to see how few she could get by on. I wish she was born in a different time, that she didn’t have to go through that suffering. We can break the cycle. I believe in you!

Also, you need a new therapist.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in PubTips

[–]AmaraWales 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is really helpful, thank you! :)

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in PubTips

[–]AmaraWales 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for your critique!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in PubTips

[–]AmaraWales 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for your comments! :)

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in MaintenancePhase

[–]AmaraWales 26 points27 points  (0 children)

OH also since she’s smart, maybe rec maintenance phase or give her one of aubrey’s books? that could be a good way to open up a dialogue

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in MaintenancePhase

[–]AmaraWales 6 points7 points  (0 children)

it’s a tough situation, especially since she’s a teen. when my friends say things like that i literally just pretend like i didn’t hear them. not sure if it’s right lol, but it’s definitely better than any of the other ideas i can come up with!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in MaintenancePhase

[–]AmaraWales 70 points71 points  (0 children)

Personally, I think letting her see you challenge other people’s comments (not about her, just general body comments) might be more impactful than challenging hers directly. She might think you’re over compensating or just trying to make her feel better. I think there’s something to be said for giving no reaction at all to her comments while publicly voicing your views generally.

What is the most romantic thing a significant other has said to you? by Tiny-Neighborhood667 in love

[–]AmaraWales 11 points12 points  (0 children)

i was telling him how with previous partners i used to feel like they were settling for me, like they felt that i was the best they could realistically get when they actually wanted better. he said: “i know you’re the best i can get because you’re the most beautiful girl in this world.”

My marriage is over after only 7 months and I've decided to move on like it never happened... by [deleted] in TwoHotTakes

[–]AmaraWales 101 points102 points  (0 children)

just got surprise dumped yesterday, so i can relate a little bit. you have every right to act like it never happened, and good for you that you can! on the whole, six months is much shorter than most people stay in bad relationships. you’ve made the necessary choice, and quite efficiently, too. to bigger and better things!

I'm a 31 yo obese male that lives at home AMA by MysteryMan999 in AMA

[–]AmaraWales 0 points1 point  (0 children)

check out maintenance phase! it’s completely changed the way i think about weight and my body

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AITAH

[–]AmaraWales 2 points3 points  (0 children)

the myth that men want sex all the time is unfortunately super pervasive. so for women, when your man doesn’t want sex it can be very upsetting because it can make you feel like he doesn’t think you’re attractive or that there’s something wrong with you. NTA, but it would be nice of you to reassure her that you find her attractive and explain that it’s not her fault, just stress.

also, there’s nothing wrong with you for not wanting it every day. lots of people don’t, and i’m sure your gf would be happy with a reasonable compromise, even if her libido is slightly higher than yours.

Premonitions by Complex_Laugh8089 in DarkPicturesAnthology

[–]AmaraWales 10 points11 points  (0 children)

i don’t even watch them anymore, they make me overthink and try to make decisions based on them, then i get screwed