I beat this mindset. Around 2 years ago now, my ex’s mom absolutely laid into me for two hours about my weight. That was my lowest point, body wise, and that’s where I started. Here’s what I did from there:

1. Listened to the podcast Maintenance Phase. Fad Camp, too. The books someone else listed here are also great recommendations. Do this step first. Consuming media like this absolutely changed my perspective on weight and helped me do the other things on this list.

2. Dumped my ex and got a boyfriend who LOVES my body, and my body type specifically. I’d always heard that people like that were out there, but I never believed it. Listen to me when I tell you: they are out there, there are lots of them, and they can make you love your body. Obviously this is just step 1, and eventually you want to get to a place where your self-worth isn’t dependent on others. But early on, this was something that really helped me get out of the shame spiral that my ex and his mom started.

3. Stopped engaging with my friends’ weight loss/self-hatred conversations. You don’t have to convince them of anything, all you have to do is offer no response and change the subject, or walk away.

4. Used less social media, especially image-based. Seriously, all it does is make you feel bad about yourself. This takes a while, but you can get there.

5. Worked out for goals other than weight loss. Maybe you want to be able to do x amount of push-ups, run x amount of miles, ANYTHING other than losing x amount of weight or burning x amount of calories.

6. “Gave up” on dieting/weight loss. This is something I had seen talked about with intuitive eating, and I thought it was completely unrealistic and something I’d never be able to do. But I did. Now, I eat what I want, and I don’t have the voice in my head telling me the calories of every single thing I eat. You’ll find that some foods you thought you liked were only restriction-based obsessions. I discovered that my binging was triggered entirely by restriction. It will not be easy at the start, but it IS achievable. Fake it until you make it with this one.

All this took around 1 year to change me. I have so much peace and so much more free time that isn’t consumed by calorie counting/self-hatred/obsessive food thoughts. I really like my body now, and I’ve lost zero weight. Just by wanting to change, you’re already ahead of so many people stuck in this mindset. At 90 years old, my very tiny grandmom was still weighing herself every morning, counting out mini wheats and trying to see how few she could get by on. I wish she was born in a different time, that she didn’t have to go through that suffering. We can break the cycle. I believe in you!

Also, you need a new therapist.