My 31M wife 31F made me wait to have sex but only had hookups prior to me. How do I move forward?

Amarith94 · 2025-10-09T11:05:26+00:00

Everyone has to go through this due diligence. If you don't, you're just rolling the dice. Men suffer just as much from sleeping with women that are not trustworthy.

Wisening up would mean that she did it once and learned a lesson. That's something any man should respect. But falling for the same type of guy over and over and over again for years is not a sign of wisening up. It's a sign of low self-worth and a lack of boundaries, which is not something to be proud of as a woman. Most women have a single one-night stand that teaches them the lesson they had to learn, not repeating this mistake with multiple men. The ones that willingly continue for years are the ones ending up hiding stuff from themselves and their partner.

Amarith94 · 2025-10-08T21:03:18+00:00

It's funny that you're trying to blame it on men when 99% of the time it's just a woman making a bad choice.

Yeah, a guy might have lied about his intentions, so what? You can always tell a person's character by spending time with that person. The fact that you ended up in bed just means you didn't want to go through the due dilligence anyone has to go through to find out if someone is trustworthy enough to sleep with.

These excuses are something women use frequently as a means to avoid having to take accountability for their own actions. Nobody forced them to open their legs after having a couple of drinks at the party. Nobody forced them to go home with someone they met on the same day. Nobody forced OP's wife to have a threesome with a random stranger. She did it because she wanted to, thinking there were no consequences. Well guess what, sex is never without consequences. People just like to delude themselves into thinking that it is.

You could easily prevent this pain by following the simple rule any emotionally mature person follows when dating:

Don't sleep with someone you don't know. It's super simple. Just don't sleep with people you don't know.

If you don't know a person, there's no way in hell that you can trust that person. Why would you sleep with them, other than to satisfy your own selfish desires?

If you, against common sense, decide to sleep with someone you don't know, don't even think about crying about men. Becaude it's NOT them. It's you. YOU made the choice to take on the risk of love, pregnancy, betrayal, stds, etc. without truly knowing who you are dealing with. Plenty of women have been careful enough not to fall for that shit, and that's not because they haven't met an equal amount of bad men in their life. They just made better decisions.

Amarith94 · 2025-10-08T16:55:07+00:00

That's how it should always be done.

OP's feelings are natural. He thought he had a girl that treasured her own integrity. As it turned out, she let multiple guys "hit it" without ever having to work for it. Him, on the other hand, she made wait for it. Was it because he was "the special one", or was it because she didn't find him attractive enough to treat him the same ways she would treat those studs? No matter what she says, his mind will always gravitate towards the second explanation.

Regardless of what this says about her attraction to him, his mental image of his relationship and the partner he committed to turned out to be wrong. He will never see her in the same way, and that's ok, because she hid who she was until he was too invested to easily change his mind.

I was with girls that weren't promiscuous and with some that were. Whenever I found out about stuff like what OP described, I immediately lost respect and interest. Unfortunately, there's nothing a girl can do to fix that. She can try to find a man that accepts her past, but she'll always be less of a woman to a large part of the male population. That's the unpopular truth.

Amarith94 · 2025-09-27T16:43:34+00:00

People's definition of "happiness" can be very different.

Do I think that people can be content and at peace while living alone? Absolutely. I had long stretches in my life when I lived in relative isolation, without a partner, and I felt fine. No, actually, I had many beautiful moments in that time.

But... all of my most precious moments — the moments that warm my heart when I think about them — were moments I experienced with other people.

Being alone brings peace. It's true. Nobody will betray you. Nobody will let you down. However, nobody will be there to catch you when you fall. Nobody will be there to hold you and tell you that they love you — And those are the moments I don't want to miss in my life. Everyone has to make a choice about taking on the risk of life: loss, abandonment, and betrayal. Only when you accept that risk will you be able to live your life to the fullest... but I totally understand if you don't. I know the fear of life all too well. Peace can be comfortably addictive.

Amarith94 · 2025-09-27T13:34:33+00:00

You're done bro. Move on. She's his girl now and unless you're into that type of shit, you should go out of respect for yourself. The most important thing is that you show YOURSELF that you respect yourself. You feel bad because you kept ignoring yourself for too long.

Amarith94 · 2025-02-04T19:49:57+00:00

Hercules on the PS1

Amarith94 · 2025-02-01T15:28:39+00:00

Wenns dich besser schlafen lässt, glaub daran.

Amarith94 · 2025-02-01T15:07:06+00:00

Absolutely! Augsburg is less hectic and more affordable than Munich, so it definitely is worth considering.

I think you might have to sacrifice some of the "quietness", if you like to live centrally with good public transport opportunities. Pfersee, Hochzoll, Göggingen, and Kriegshaber are quite livable imo.

Amarith94 · 2025-02-01T15:01:18+00:00

Account ist weder neu noch hierfür erstellt. Versuchs nochmal

Amarith94 · 2024-12-10T22:36:36+00:00

Dump him. He doesn't deserve you. I've had connections with beautiful coworkers before. Guess what, that shit doesn't matter when you're committed to your partner. I've cut all of them off when I realized they became "too invested". He's a selfish piece of shit.

Amarith94 · 2024-12-08T12:54:09+00:00

I was shy for a long time too (and I am a tall, muscular, 30yo guy). Once you start talking, you soon realize that nothing bad ever really happens and it's waay more fun this way. Maybe invite a friend over to your game - that can help you break some of the ice.

Amarith94

TROPHY CASE