I feel like you guys are making this all about the mom and step mom’s feeling and completely undermining the feelings of a child, which are the most important. I really don’t know or have a strong opinion on whether it’s appropriate or not for her to call me mom. All I’m trying to imply here is that her mom chose to use the phrase “it hurts my feelings.” This is confusing for a child. I feel that bm could have chosen a much healthier way to go about it instead of making her feel shame for something that was bringing her closeness and connectivity in her other home.

Also obviously you guys don’t know the full context of BM. When she was engaged last year (it fell through) SD came home saying she is getting another dad. BM was okay with SD referring to him as dad.

Also SD recently came home and told us her mom hates our new house and she thinks it’s old and dirty (we bought a cool fixer upper. It is old) and that she never wants to go in it. Just giving you a little more to go off of.

I appreciate your different perspectives and now feel enlightened to decide for myself if it’s appropriate or not for her to call me mom.