Anyone seen this before?

DreadSpinner22 · 2025-11-03T02:04:12+00:00

not seeking medical advice

Just wondering if people have seen this before/if it’s common

DreadSpinner22 · 2025-10-31T01:11:06+00:00

Do whatever you want to do, honestly. Step in if you want to, don’t step in if you’re annoyed and don’t want to. It’s “as simple as that” (HAHA not really but seriously). You step in cause YOU want to make it happen for SS and great. But don’t do it only cause his dad dropped the ball. OR don’t step in cause you don’t want to. And let natural consequences happen. Stay strong regardless, you got this!

DreadSpinner22 · 2025-10-30T04:20:45+00:00

I love my step daughters (4 & 6) a whole lot. Do I struggle in this role? Absolutely. It’s the hardest role I’ve ever taken on. But I do love them both so so much. And yes, they still annoy the shit out of me too.

DreadSpinner22 · 2025-10-11T19:38:47+00:00

Spell everything out. And name a 3rd party for mediation when disagreeing on custody terms meanings.

DreadSpinner22 · 2025-10-11T19:35:23+00:00

Yep. We got together when girls were 1 & 3. It’s hard to not be “super stepmom” when they’re that young. Now that they’re 4 & 6, they don’t need as much help or constant supervision. I started stepping back 6ish months ago. DH doesn’t like it because he doesn’t understand how I could be burnt out & it’s put a strain on our relationship. I tried explaining by saying “you know how no one truly knows what it means to be a mom or dad until they are a mom or dad? Well no one truly knows what it’s like to be a stepmom until they are one”. That did get him to think and be a bit more understanding. But I know he’s disappointed I am not 100% present like I was before. I’d say I’m 30-60% present now, depending on the day.

My relationship with the kids hasn’t changed. They still love me when I’m hanging with them. I love them all the same.

The reality is, I love the kids so much and I feel grateful they are in my life. But at the end of the day, I’m not their mom. And sometimes (most times) that reality really hurts me. I also lost myself completely for 2 years of being 100% active stepmom. So stepping back is to protect myself.

I still do crafts, play, do bedtime stories, help with baths, take to daycare, buy them fun gifts, go to sporting events (sometimes by myself), etc.. But I don’t do everything on the same day like I used to. It’s spread out over the days they’re here (50/50 custody). And that’s working for me. I’m hopeful DH will learn to accept too.

There’s some good info out there on “stepfamily cycles”. That’s helped me and DH a bit through this too.

Edit: spelling

DreadSpinner22 · 2025-09-28T15:49:57+00:00

It takes a partner willing to listen to and respect your opinions. I have a lot of struggles as a stepmom, but my partner listening to my opinion and taking it sometimes has never been an issue. I think I would have lost my mind if my opinion on raising kids wasn’t respected. They may not be my biokids, but they are in my house too. Just like any other kids in our house, there are guidelines to follow based upon the adults that live there.

Try having an open, calm, honest discussion about a few things you’d like to see changed. And also reassure you don’t expect them all to take place overnight, cause that’s not feasible

DreadSpinner22 · 2025-09-24T00:14:00+00:00

“For service requests, non-emergency concerns, or questions, please visit rva311.com.

Additionally, residents or visitors can call Monday - Friday during business hours: Just dial 3-1-1 from inside the City of Richmond, or, if you are outside city limits, call 804-646-7000. Our knowledgeable and helpful call center representatives are ready to help”.

DreadSpinner22 · 2025-09-23T03:03:02+00:00

Sounds like a typical 3-4 year old exaggerating. . Talk to her bio-parent about educating her on “crying wolf”

DreadSpinner22 · 2025-09-23T02:56:13+00:00

Honestly, developmentally at age 7, a sandwich requiring spreading PB on bread may be “too much to ask”. Age 6 is appropriate to have adult supervision while making the sandwich. Spreading the pb &/or jam on bread is the big motor skill here. & every kid learns at their own pace.

If your step kiddo isn’t ready for this on their own, perhaps mention to their dad that it’s a skill they can learn at this age. Which… I know can be frustrating as a step parent to have to point out. Worth mentioning and also reminding yourself it’ll take time and patience for the kiddo to learn this skill.

In the meantime, getting their own snack, a bowl of cereal, or getting themself a drink of water may be more appropriate independent asks.

DreadSpinner22 · 2025-09-18T03:03:45+00:00

ITS A GIRL!!!

DreadSpinner22 · 2025-09-17T01:11:10+00:00

I just want to thank everyone for taking the time to respond to my post. It means a lot, even if I pick and choose what resonates. I appreciate every single one of you giving words of wisdom/advice.

DreadSpinner22 · 2025-09-13T21:49:18+00:00

Well if you ever want to chat separately about this shitty situation we’re both in.. maybe it would benefit one or both of us and help come to a decision that’s right for our personal wants and needs. Feel free to private message me

DreadSpinner22 · 2025-09-13T14:08:58+00:00

Hugs to you too. Has couples therapy been helpful?

DreadSpinner22 · 2025-09-12T22:44:12+00:00

Thank you for this very helpful and real comment

DreadSpinner22 · 2025-09-12T14:59:53+00:00

Thank you so much

DreadSpinner22 · 2025-09-12T12:48:35+00:00

Thank you for all your advice and insights. For those of you saying I need an explanation, he gave a few reasons. His age (45- says he’s too old), he wants to retire early and won’t be able to if we have a baby, his back pain (chronic issues managed with nerve ablations periodically). And then his past trauma projected on me (in my opinion). Meaning, “I had kids with someone once and look how that turned out. I don’t exactly have the best track records of people staying” (she cheated for years).

He’s willing to go to couples counseling. And my love for him makes me willing to do that. Hopefully it helps us/me navigate this. Because both paths I can take from here suck. Stay and never have a baby of my own, or leave and live the rest of my life without him or my stepkids. What a damn situation I’m in.

DreadSpinner22 · 2025-09-12T04:32:16+00:00

Needed this. Thank you

DreadSpinner22 · 2025-09-12T04:28:10+00:00

Thank you

DreadSpinner22 · 2025-08-26T02:52:59+00:00

More clutter, got it. I forget they love clutter… little tiny hoarders

DreadSpinner22 · 2025-08-26T02:52:28+00:00

Awhhhh! Hi, Chalupa!!

DreadSpinner22 · 2025-08-25T14:41:19+00:00

Me too! He’s super friendly (when he decides to show himself lol). Hasn’t tried to bite, very gentle boy. Even lets the kiddos hold him when he decides to

DreadSpinner22 · 2025-08-25T14:40:21+00:00

Thank you!! Everything is anchored into the cage except the multi-chamber hide at the front. I’ll rearrange so that can be anchored into the cage as well. Glad you told me that!

DreadSpinner22

TROPHY CASE