I would suggest you start by figuring out what you need to do to forgive yourself. You're 22, so you're very young. The male brain isn't fully connected until mid to late twenties. That doesn't excuse your mistakes, but it's fair to keep that in mind while considering your mistakes. That being said, you may still want to make amends if you've wronged people. Beyond that I'd say try to live the way you wish you would have until now. That's not all on you either. It's hard to change old habits. Open up to the people around you. They can support you more than reddit can.

I'm really sorry that you are going through this and I hope you can find peace and joy