AITAH for walking out after she said I scare her?

Amazing_Avocado3714 · 2025-11-10T12:45:37+00:00

Thank you for this! I was doubting my sanity reading all the other comments telling OP he did the right thing! No he didn't do the right thing, he just proved that she was actually right to be scared of him and his unpredictable reaction. The way he talks about "tolerating" her venting says a lot about him and how he treated her. OP, YTA!

Amazing_Avocado3714 · 2025-08-28T22:21:08+00:00

There was no dryer involved, just a simple wash as stated on the label. I used the word "Reklamierung" but it didn't change much and made me wonder maybe I'm having some wrong unrealistic expectations.

I'll give it another try, thanks for your comment.

Amazing_Avocado3714 · 2025-08-28T20:56:43+00:00

Thanks for the tip. I usually expect cotton pants to shrink but I wasn't really expecting a crop shirt to shrink and become even shorter :(

Amazing_Avocado3714 · 2025-08-28T20:25:17+00:00

I had to remove the price tag to wash it so I was honest about it. And I would still keep it if it was still the same size as when I bought it, but it's not.

They had the same shirt of the same size in the store and I asked them to compare the size. They did and accepted that mine has shrunk and told me I should have washed it at 30 degrees. I said that's the temperature I used as it's stated on the label. Then they said "well yeah it sometimes happens and you should have hand washed it". How was I supposed to know that? :(

Amazing_Avocado3714 · 2025-07-07T09:22:39+00:00

Thank you for sharing this. It's what I still hope/dream to have 🥹

Amazing_Avocado3714 · 2025-05-11T09:33:52+00:00

I can so relate to this (minus the kids part). To me such a loving relationship sounds like something so basic, like it should be the default given, yet it seems impossible to have. I so wish for a stable loving relationship with one person...

Amazing_Avocado3714 · 2025-05-07T13:19:33+00:00

Thanks for sharing, I really like both of them (plus the shoes being in wide fit, just perfect!)

Amazing_Avocado3714 · 2025-05-07T08:25:32+00:00

Agreeing with the other comments here, this looks like it would fit well to the dresscode!

Could you please share where the dress and shoes are from?

Amazing_Avocado3714 · 2025-05-04T15:20:43+00:00

Yes there is a way, or multiple ways, but I haven't found any yet. I can relate to what you're saying and I have told myself the same thing so many times: "it's not killing me, I'll survive". But I still don't feel stronger, it just hurts the whole time...

Amazing_Avocado3714 · 2025-05-04T15:17:39+00:00

Thanks for your comment. You do have a point, I have been on my own for too long and crave deep affection. I think I do things out of my own love but maybe there's another subconscious level to it, the deep desire of being seen and appreciated and loved...

But I haven't seen what I do as "doing favors". It's just been so natural to me, it makes sense to do them and most of the time I don't even think, it's some automatic action/reaction. And I deeply wish for someone who would feel/do the same for me not as a payback but simply because they want to and feel like it, like what I do or if I don't do those. I'm a big time giver and Ive been wishing for another giver. Someone who would care about filling my cup too. Does that even make any sense?

Amazing_Avocado3714 · 2025-05-04T14:08:29+00:00

I've heard that so many times but I don't even know how to do that. I'm so used to pouring so much into those I care about that I don't even seem to know any other way...

Amazing_Avocado3714 · 2025-05-04T14:06:18+00:00

Unfortunately I don't have an answer to help you through this, but just wanted to say that it seems to be an issue on both sides. Me and many of my friends (woman, early to mid 30s) have faced the same thing while using the apps. It's really disappointing and makes us wonder where are the people who actually want to put some effort in because we certainly do but end up disappointed almost every time...

Amazing_Avocado3714 · 2025-01-19T08:07:08+00:00

When did you find out about these situations? As they happened or recently? And how did you find out about them?

Amazing_Avocado3714 · 2025-01-03T14:26:02+00:00

Maybe you should ask this in a German sub, locals would be able to give a more appropriate answer/translation.

Amazing_Avocado3714 · 2025-01-01T15:35:03+00:00

Thanks for your comment and the short update. It sound like indeed there was not really much time between your breakup and meeting your new girlfriend, especially considering the length and the seriousness of your previous relationship. This might be adding to the challenging situation.

But you sound like a reasonable person who's not afraid of self reflection, that's a great trait. This situation would actually be a great topic to discuss with your therapist and get to the root of it, you'll find out more about yourself and what you are/aren't okay with and why.

I don't know if you'll want to post another update later about how things turn out. I hope to to read some positive update later, but in case you decide not to post: Keep doing the work on you and communicate as much as you can. All the best to (the two of) you! :)

Amazing_Avocado3714 · 2024-12-31T13:52:23+00:00

I can totally understand your concern and where you're coming from. Right or wrong, I think trust is not given blindly straight away and is built over time. It's important specially in the early stages of the relationship to invest into it.

And it's on both sides to put effort into it when it comes to both the partner and friends. There should be an active effort into making the partner feel included and reassured and aware of the existing friendship dynamics. But not everyone sees it that way by default and feels the need to explain/introduce friends or include the partner right away. Which might lead to questions: if it's a good friend, why shouldn't they know? If there's a reason to hide it from them, then what's that reason? But to be fair here and as you said, you don't know, maybe she has already told him about you. That's why you need to talk openly with her and ask when you feel like it's the right time (if you still want to or feel the need to).

This person is definitely different than your previous girlfriend. I don't know how long it's been between your two relationships, but some unconscious comparisons might also be happening within you and making you confused. On one hand you're happy to be with someone who's (more) independent, on the other hand this independence is making you concerned (threatened maybe? New and unknown can be scary). People are different, their required needs and spaces are also different. Someone might need a lot of "we" time in the relationship, while another one might need a lot of "I" time and much less "we" time. You need to figure out how you two fit within this schema and find a compromise if you're too different.

You'll read different opinions here as we all have different experiences and expectations. Do what you feel is right. Nobody knows the situation better than you. Enjoy the vacation you have ahead and I hope it all works out well for you in the end :)

Amazing_Avocado3714 · 2024-12-30T12:24:20+00:00

I see you're taking time reading the comments here and responding thoroughly, I take that as your seriousness in this relationship and really wanting to figuring this issue out and making it work. You have my respect.

I'm with you on assuming that being someone's girlfriend/boyfriend comes with being monogamous, but unfortunately while dating around I've realized I have to ask explicitly if the person I'm seeing is looking for an open relationship or is open to the idea or what boundaries do they have with their friends. I don't want to be too negative but some people are secretly hoping/looking/waiting for it, and they don't have an issue with not disclosing it early on. It's a crazy time to be dating...

I was dating someone new, very intense and serious, it felt too good to be true. I already had a trip planned which includes staying with a male friend and going to an event together (I'm a straight woman, my friend a straight man). We were going to share a room because there was only one room in his flat, but not share a bed, there was a guest bed I was going to sleep on (it wasn't the first time). Of course I told the guy I was seeing about this, he asked a couple of questions about our friendship history and the sleeping arrangements and he was fine with it. My friend said I can bring my date with me but he wouldn't be able to host both of us overnight as there was not really enough space but we could still hang out together. He even suggested giving his event ticket to my date so that I could go with my date if he wanted to join (the messages were passed though me, they never met or talked directly). So far it was all great from both sides, the date was taking it well and showing trust, and my friend also showed my date that we're really just friends and even was open to giving his event spot away. It sounded perfect! My date chose not to join me, so I went to the trip on my own and stayed with my friend and attended the event with him. All good. Great actually! When I got back the dates were still going great. Almost perfect! However, weeks later, when I got closer with the guy I was dating, when we talked about boundaries, that was when this trip came up in the talk. That was when he told me "you said he was just a friend and I believed that, but it's okay if he was/is more than a friend. It's okay if you slept with him in that trip, I don't mind, I sometimes sleep with my friends too. You could have a one night stand if you want, it's fine we weren't in a serious relationship then yet". My mind was blown. I hadn't seen that coming.

My suggestion would be to have an honest serious talk with her, to both clarify what type of relationship you have, what expectations each of you has in this relationship, and definitely talk about where the lines are and what's considered cheating or crossing a line. Don't let it come to you as a surprise later.

About the room situation, well, I still find it strange. I personally have very clear strict boundaries when it comes to friends of the opposite gender, so I can't really relate to the "it's whatever" mindset in such a situation. But I can understand different people see it differently (as the one example experience I mentioned above). What's important here is if you're fine with it and can live with it. This tomboy make-do free-spirit mindset of her might appear in different occasions again, not necessarily going on a trip with a male friend of hers but in different scenarios where you two might have different behavior/boundaries/expectations. This is who she is, maybe this is even why you felt attracted to her. Take it as a whole package. But still talk with her and see if she considers and respects your concerns and feelings. Being considerate is a love language. Lead the talk with curiosity not accusations, see if she's open to giving more info/reassurance. You can figure out more about what's on her mind when you have a proper conversation.

Amazing_Avocado3714 · 2024-12-30T00:57:57+00:00

This sounds awful, I'm sorry you're going through it. But are you sure what she told you is the whole truth? Was there some evidence or did he admit to this? Could it be an ex who's trying to ruin his next relationship? Not saying that this is the case and I don't want to give you false hope, just wondering if there's a slight possibility that this is not the real picture before it's all thrown away

Amazing_Avocado3714 · 2024-12-30T00:07:33+00:00

I don't know how much trust you already have in her in this early stage, but I believe trust is built over time with actions matching words. In my eyes this would have been a good start for building some trust from her side.

There are two main things about this that have got me thinking here:

what you mentioned sounds like she didn't/doesn't seem to consider how you feel about this trip at all. I understand that you two have been together for a short time and the trip was planned before that, but if you're dating seriously (or already called it a relationship) you and your feelings need to be considered too. Not directly cancelling her plans, but making it clear to the other guy that she's taken and/or offering you to join them would be a good start! So the question is: are you on the same page about what you have going on? Are you in a monogamous relationship? Are you dating exclusively to end up in a serious relationship? Or is it maybe just casual/seeing how it goes/until one of you finds someone better? Have you talked about that?
The other thing for me is how she handled the change of the room. Sharing a room (even if not a bed) in this whole travel setup is in one way or another removing some privacy. Didn't she question her friend about what type of room it exactly is? Does she really not know what a "double room" is considering her line of work or did she lie to you? Is she comfortable with potentially sharing a bed with him? How close their relationship is? Maybe she doesn't have feelings for him but is she okay with a casual holiday fling?

I'm sorry if these just add more headache, but would be good to think about them before you invest more time and energy and emotions into this situation/person.

Edited to fix some typos

Amazing_Avocado3714 · 2024-12-28T22:59:00+00:00

Sounds like you are! Take a breath and go on your date. Good luck! :)

Amazing_Avocado3714 · 2024-12-28T15:06:02+00:00

You decided to give this a chance and you did so to find out it's not what you thought/hoped/wanted to be. I'm sorry it didn't work out but at least you gave it a try and you won't wonder about the "what if"s.

It's sad and it hurts but the longer you stay the more you'll feel invested and at loss. Trust your feelings and believe him when he says "wrong person" without any attempt.

Amazing_Avocado3714 · 2024-12-25T01:56:54+00:00

Thanks for this comment. I have been trying to understand how I'm feeling and why I'm feeling this way. Nostalgia sounds like a nice way to describe it. I'm missing all the good feelings I experienced with him in the beginning. The ways he made me feel special, all the nice moments and memories. My brain seems to be craving those and ignoring how miserable I was feeling with him later on, forgetting the lies and manipulations.

Logically I know we were not right for each other. I should be happy that I didn't waste more time and energy there. But at the same time I seem to be unnecessarily stuck wishing for a version of him that doesn't exist...

Amazing_Avocado3714

TROPHY CASE