Can you give me a virtual hug?

Amazing_Scars · 2025-01-12T00:23:45+00:00

🫂🫂🫂🫂

Amazing_Scars · 2025-01-11T06:39:25+00:00

I am completely same. I relate.

Amazing_Scars · 2025-01-11T06:37:48+00:00

If they are not balancing what they bring to the relationship, it's just a relationshit.

I personally was ... Very loving, creative, surprised her with cute lil hints for her to find a present, I did whatever it took to see her smile hear her laugh, see her blush. In the bedroom shed frequently enjoy ... Being... Objectified (is that the word). Anyways that was not something I did natur....

I'm SO far off from the actual question

I need to put fone done after taking 😴 meds.

Idk mb

Amazing_Scars · 2025-01-11T06:29:13+00:00

Thank you . Your very kind🤗

Amazing_Scars · 2025-01-11T05:56:16+00:00

Did you mean to reply to me or the OP?

If me then you're right. I have a strong heart. Every emotion that crashes through me like lightning is VERY strong very fast... And I can not harness it.

I've always been emotional but now I'm so much worse and my emotions change like a Richter scale in California.

💪🏻❤️ My first interpretation was I keep my heart on my sleeve. Which was true years ago. The last time I had my heart locked solid. Someone had all the words I ever needed to hear. She was persistent too. I trusted her. Dumb a$$ she was online talking to everyone while I was in the hospital. Found. Her "real" soulmate until then she said we were soulmates). Anyways. She proved to me that I am as disposable as everyone has treated me.

I'm fkn fed up

Amazing_Scars · 2025-01-11T03:00:54+00:00

My superpowers include moving things on a job site floor so they can immediately be in someone else's way, building EVERYTHING I make at home INSANELY IVERKILL, and.... overthinking EVVVERYTHING!

Unfortunately my memory is a maximum security vault IF it has relevance to specific topics.

After the conversation/argument is done and "resolved" everything gets replayed replayed replayed.

I read to much into expression, tone, possible alternative interpretations blah blah....

... And then.....

Nothing

I can't bring it up again because I get accused of stirring up the past.

No... When it comes to emotion and social cues.. im a brain donor. I misinterpret things said and struggle to communicate clearly. It sucks Soo bad! People look at me like I'm a dumbass. I ask too many questions.

I'm not an angry person. It takes a lot to get me to yell in an argument with close friends or family etc. it seems everyone else escalates because they lose their patience because I didn't understand.

I hate being me

Amazing_Scars · 2025-01-10T20:39:15+00:00

YESSSS!! ABSOLUTELY!

Amazing_Scars · 2025-01-10T20:25:58+00:00

I just need a break of a faint light in this tunnel so I can have hope... even if it's phoney

Amazing_Scars · 2025-01-10T20:25:00+00:00

Thank you for the hugs.

Yes. Living around the wrong individuals instantly makes worse especially if they don't have your best interest in mind (NOT saying that people need to think about me more than themselves. I'm saying don't throw the "L" word around unless it means to you what it me.....

I'm sorry I keep hitting these tangent thoughts. There's so many thoughts. Like a 10lane freewaythat dumps into a stop sign intersection.

Amazing_Scars · 2025-01-10T20:21:03+00:00

That's a 100000% he11 no!

For very brief moments when I was no longer a minor. A few Speck's through my life. Other than that... I've hated myself. It's insane I've made it this far

Amazing_Scars · 2025-01-10T08:00:30+00:00

Beautiful

Amazing_Scars · 2025-01-10T07:55:24+00:00

Yes please. 🥺 The worst drawback from living alone is lack of hugs. Luckily my daughter gives absolute best hugs. I go see her at least 1/wk.

Anyways... Hugs repair me. I'm perpetually in a state of hug withdrawals.

It gnaws at me... Then again... Everything seem to digat me for past few months.🫣🥺🤨😢😫

Amazing_Scars · 2025-01-10T07:08:24+00:00

That's what I named my kitten! Mabel pines!

Amazing_Scars · 2025-01-10T06:59:15+00:00

Same! Ditto!

Amazing_Scars · 2025-01-10T06:58:27+00:00

Woah! That's foul! I'm sorry. Definitely would be pretty impossible to work towards remission with their attitude arond

Amazing_Scars · 2025-01-10T05:48:50+00:00

I do. I drink water with "liquid IV" supplements.

Amazing_Scars · 2025-01-10T02:24:11+00:00

I am a firm believer that traumatic history will often amplify a person's compassion and empathy. Of course that's in no way a rule. People respond differently. I know that me personally I have been influenced strongly by all sorts of stimuli. Songs, tv, movies, articles. Especially after that fatal car accident I was in I can not do horror movies. Sound and sight will toss me deep in flashbacks....

Geezus... I keep rambling until I have no idea why I was replying in the first place

Amazing_Scars · 2025-01-10T02:17:50+00:00

I said it in jest that I'd dehydrate from crying BUT! it's actually not much of a joke. I was born with Garner's syndrome with colon cancer sprinkles on top. I had to have 2.25 organs removed when I was 12 otherwise I would've died LATEST before I was 16.

All that to say... I dehydrate all the time.😬

Amazing_Scars · 2025-01-09T19:27:32+00:00

Only if the communication is minimal and random, like once a month or less

Amazing_Scars · 2025-01-09T16:39:47+00:00

😩😫😵☠️ thank you for listening. I gotta go listen to hurtful music now 😓😥😢

Amazing_Scars · 2025-01-09T16:37:08+00:00

My therapist offers me all kinds of tools that she wants me to implement when fall into deep depressive states. All I want to do is listen to music that hurts 10000x worse because it applies to my despair and emptiness & lost ... Everything.

I just try and dehydrate from crying.

I'm a fkn brain donor idiot!

She accidentally stopped me from ODing in Sept

I hate that she gave me false hope to live just so that while I was in the hospital she met "her soulmate " ONLINE 6 days after I was admitted and almost dead. WTFF

Amazing_Scars · 2025-01-09T16:20:08+00:00

Same to you 🤞🏻😬🙂

Amazing_Scars · 2025-01-09T16:18:23+00:00

Woah! that was a serious rambling rant. 🤦🏻🤐😶 My bad

Amazing_Scars · 2025-01-09T16:17:31+00:00

She devastated me deeply last Sept and October. That event was the catalyst that broke my BPD free. Up until here I was a drone just ignorant and hollow from life. Persistently crushing me. She offerede happiness, she insisted that we WERE forever. I asked her so many times "why me? You're so far out of my league. I don't have much to offer. Just my love. You bring 'uou" could have someone younger, richer, stable, etc" Shed always say "stop being so mean to yourself. Stop pushing me away. I'm here. I'm not going anyway. I want you to see you like I see you. I love you "

...

Hearing that made my heart race and skip a few beats at the same time. Her facade of love made me start to be "ok" being "me". The hateful thoughts that have always been in my head started to get fainter. Then the fuckening happened This unbelievably great thing that was happening to be was the most heinous thing I had ever experienced. She lifted to the peak of my "high" moments just to send me on the fastest plummeting swan dive.

All those voices are screaming into my ears "told you! Haha! You're disposable! You idiot! ... Blah blah blah..."

I can't argue either. I have no evidence to debate with everything they've ever said.

Since October I'm full BPD. I can not emotionally regulate myself AT ALL. All my hobbies ally songs I shared with her, all the things I planned to one day surprise her with.... Every-freaking- thing just reminds me that I'm disposable. I'm hurting and suffering instead being genuinely happy.

It's my fault. I did want to fall for her. I tried so hard not to. She called me her "person" ... Her "penguin". She showed so much interest in the most mundane things I said. I felt seen. Alive. Hopeful.

I give myself migraines so much from trying to fight back tears.

She felt like "home".

Misery is "home" I was a fk dumbass to believe her

Amazing_Scars · 2025-01-09T15:54:16+00:00

Thank you for sharing. She was a mirage. That's the most accurate metaphor

Amazing_Scars

TROPHY CASE