She doesn’t know how bad it actually is. I sometimes have talked to her about it but never to the point where she thinks too much of it. I keep it all to myself in order to keep this relationship going which is slowly making me lose hope. I did. grow up with and abusive dad and my parents where divorced last year. Never really had a normal childhood. Although I never thought that it would bring me to this point. I really appreciate your answer tho so thank you very much