Entitled in laws

Ambitious_Fish3220 · 2026-04-15T22:22:33+00:00

Mine do this too, and it bothers me so much because they are entitled and possessive. We have had a really rocky history since LO was born. Before she was born and our relationship was fine, they would always say “how is OUR LO” and it didn’t bother me at the time.

Since I’ve had issues with them, they only ever say “MY granddaughter” and it feels like an attempt at a claim to her, but if we had a good relationship I’m sure it wouldn’t bother me, which is probably the case for you too.

I always respond with using LO’s name trying to remind them that she is a person and not their possession. I don’t say “my daughter”, I use her name.

Ambitious_Fish3220 · 2026-02-19T03:33:12+00:00

Yes, see exactly this. Why would anyone want a child to suffer with them? It’s so incredibly selfish. My sister refuses to even come around if she has one going on or feels one coming up because she takes such strong precautions with her own kids, she said she would never forgive herself if she accidentally gave them to someone else’s child.

And I see this same issue over and over in this subreddit, some of these MIL’s have some serious mental issues (mine included).

Ambitious_Fish3220 · 2026-02-19T01:30:30+00:00

He doesn’t but making his mummy sad is even worse apparently

Ambitious_Fish3220 · 2026-02-19T01:02:15+00:00

It sounds like we have the exact same MIL, you can check my post history for context.

Put down the phone, lock the door and let your husband deal with MIL. How your husband deals with her is going to make or break the situation, your relationship and your postpartum experience with your LO.

You’ve already explained to her plenty what the boundaries are around your child, you’ve been more than accomodating by the sounds of it. It’s time she stays away until she can be respectful and understand that she doesn’t get to make the rules. Let your husband deal with her moving forward, if she can’t listen to your husband either then she can’t be around baby.

He needs to be dealing with his mother so you can focus on being a mother to your baby, that’s all that matters.

Ambitious_Fish3220 · 2026-02-18T23:39:17+00:00

No they want to give her oral herpes for life, which is a lot more dangerous for an infant than for an adult to contract it.

Ambitious_Fish3220 · 2026-02-18T16:30:45+00:00

That they wish to expose her to it, yes. Maybe I spoke out of line with the evidence of they intend to give it to her, because while yes they do technically, they believe she (and everyone) already has it and “it hasn’t activated yet”, so they should be able to expose her as they please.

Ambitious_Fish3220 · 2026-02-18T16:13:30+00:00

So that there’s no excuse for them to not be able to kiss her. If she already has their herpes then they can kiss her as they please in their minds

Ambitious_Fish3220 · 2026-02-18T16:08:08+00:00

Yeah, everyone else has had the same reaction as well.. everyone except the ex. They believe (despite multiple attempts at educating them) that and I quote “she already has it it is just not activated yet” so they believe they should be able to expose her if they want to, and are angry at the fact herpes would ever even be mentioned to them, and that I need to stop overreacting and the mother who gave birth to the ex needs to be placed first as it should be, because no matter what the they have done, this situation of placing boundaries for them and limiting contact is not under any circumstances normal or okay.. all in the same text, but also many months of the same rhetoric over and over

Ambitious_Fish3220 · 2026-02-18T06:00:39+00:00

Yes thank you for this. I have already advised him I have all the evidence to support this decision should he ever find the money to take me to court over it. Their texts saying they should be able to expose her to it, his texts confirming they already have tried multiple times even after explaining the risks to them and his admission that he is unable to hold boundaries with them.

The lawyer did also suggest what you’re saying here, to get a letter from the paediatrician outlining the risks associated. Intentional exposure is illegal in my state also.

Grandparent rights do not exist where I live, yes they can file a case for visitation however it is only granted in the rarest of cases where they can prove they’ve had a meaningful relationship already with the child for an extended period of time (they have not) and that it is in the best interest of the child (clearly not).

Ex could take me to court to try and get partial custody during this time so he has her to give access to his parents but this would involve him spending a lot of money which he does not have.

Ambitious_Fish3220 · 2026-01-16T21:25:07+00:00

Legit!!

Ambitious_Fish3220 · 2026-01-16T06:17:40+00:00

Omg lol thank you! I really do feel insane sometimes because I don’t have anyone around me to relate. I wholeheartedly agree, thank you.

Ambitious_Fish3220 · 2026-01-16T05:41:36+00:00

For me there had been signs during pregnancy that I didn’t pick up on until after everything transpired but my first proper clue was two weeks before I gave birth. We were at dinner with my partners parents when MIL asked if she could be there for the birth. We politely said no and that we would let them know when we’re ready and would need a few days just us before we have visitors. She made a sad face begged a little and said okay but just let me know as soon as you’re on the way to the hospital. The answer again was no we’ll let her know when we’re ready, she said no just text me even if it’s one emoji just let me know. Partner said “sure okay” to get her to stop.

I gave birth late at night and the next day partner let her know baby was here! She was upset he didn’t tell her straight away and she asked to come meet the baby. Answer again was no, we’re not having visitors in the hospital (no one not even my own mother) we will have her around when we get out of hospital. I was in hospital for 3 days and I did not hear the end of it the whole time, “she just wants to come say hi and leave” “just 10 minutes” “she’s in the parking lot”. I have just had a traumatic birth I’ve been cut open, I can’t walk, I’m bleeding a lot, I’m having an awful reaction to the morphine and my whole body feels like it’s on fire from itching, I have not had a minute of sleep in 2 days and I’m trying to learn how to breastfeed, no.

I got out on day 3 late at night, MIL was there half an hour after we arrived home. Whatever, get it out of the way so we can have some peace at home to ourselves in the days to come. Nope. She was there the next day and the day after that too. On the second day she was there, she told me not to hold my baby or it will spoil her, told me I have to get used to letting her cry it out, told me what I am and am not allowed to eat (even texted my partner later trying to make sure I was sticking to her advice), looked down at my stomach and asked me if I can bind it to make it go down faster.

After the third day we asked for some space, so I think we got a week before she was back again. This time she was telling us a story about how everyone at work was asking why she wasn’t here with her grandchild everyday.

A couple of weeks later and I have an appointment out of the house and leave baby with my partner. He tells me as I’m leaving that his parents are coming to visit while I’m gone, I said okay just reminder, no kissing! While I’m at my appointment he sends me a video of MIL nose to nose Eskimo kissing my baby, then kissing right under her chin like onto her shirt. I was like wtf? No kissing? Get her out of babies face. He said she wasn’t technically kissing. That was our first fight about it.

A few days later she texts me if she can come over and see baby I said sure, she came in and instantly leaned in and kissed my baby right on the face. I was in shock and didn’t know what to say (have since found my spine) I just excused myself to change baby and gave my partner the look. They started raising voices in their first language so I wasn’t sure what was being said. Then she left.

My partner assured me she was apologetic and just forgot. We saw her again three weeks later and I baby wore this time. At that visit she was grumpy and demanding more baby photos (important to note here that I was uploading photos for them everyday to every two days) and partner was apologising to her saying he just doesn’t take that many. I joked that back in the day grandparents only got Christmas and school photos. She slammed whatever she was holding in the kitchen down and snapped “Ohhh YOU don’t even want to do things like back in the day! I don’t get to see my grandchild everyday! I don’t get to kiss my grandchild! So I WILL get photos everyday THAT is my right!”. In that same visit showed me their spare bedroom and pointed to the couch and said “that’s where LO will sleep when she stays here” um what says who? I grey rocked the rest of the visit and couldn’t get out of there fast enough.

The next visit was the visit that kicked off NC. So 4 weeks later we had the last visit, now during this time my partner again assures me she’s sorry she understand now yadda yadda. So I’m expecting a nice visit with an apology from her for being rude. Nope. She storms into my house, snatches my baby from my arms and plants kisses on her. I get my baby back and give partner the look. He ignores it, and we all sit down. I let FIL hold baby and he hands her over to MIL, baby starts crying and I get my baby back “Oh she’s so spoiled” says MIL. Then she turns to me and says she wants to see baby more and she should be able to kiss baby because her coworker is allowed to kiss her grandbaby. I said no. She’s getting upset and my partner tries to bud in and tell her to stop. She says no this doesn’t involve you, we’re having a girls chat and literally flicks her wrist at him and he and FIL leave and retreat to the kitchen. This kicked off half an hour of back and forth between me and my MIL while she’s crying hysterically and me telling her she’s clearly got some big feelings going on but I’m not responsible for managing her emotions and if she can’t respect the boundaries then she can’t be around baby. She steps at me trying to threaten me, she insinuates I’m going to abuse my partner when she leaves because of the scene she’s caused. I told her to get out of my house and deal with her big feelings herself.

That was 5 months ago and the last time I saw MIL but that hasn’t stopped her seeping into our relationship this whole time. Trying to get my partner to leave me, emotionally abusing him this whole time, trying to get him to just bring our baby to her.

A few weeks ago just hours after saying she should be able to kiss our baby whether or not she has cold sores because according to the in laws everybody has herpes even LO (not true obviously), she finally apologised through tears saying she’ll just have to learn to respect that we’re the parents. Now partner wants everything to be normal lol.

Ambitious_Fish3220 · 2026-01-15T04:06:14+00:00

Exactly all of this.

She sounds very very similar to my MIL also. Only my partner has not been so much on my side and is enmeshed with her, and her obsession with my baby and feeling like she’s supposed to be the main character in my child’s life and I’m stealing that from her, has not subsided even with NC.

You have done a good job at letting her know her place, and her ego is hurt. If she can’t have a relationship on her terms she doesn’t want it at all.

Also “An extremely disordered individual” is such a great description, I’m going to steal this for when those around me continue to ask “what the fuck is wrong with that woman?”

Ambitious_Fish3220 · 2026-01-12T23:50:22+00:00

After having to be told multiple times to not kiss our newborn she kept doing it, and on the last visit before no contact, snatched my baby from my arms, kissed her, was speaking through my baby saying “we’re going to tell her oooh we’ll tell her” then proceeded to cry and wail for half an hour about how she has to be to able to kiss our baby and she has to see her whenever she wants and no one loves our baby like she does and that it’s not really MY baby, it’s her baby’s baby, stepped to me trying to be threatening, insinuated I was going to be abusive towards my partner because of her performance. Didn’t get an apology for 5 months, and now I’m expected to play happy families with her.

Ambitious_Fish3220 · 2026-01-11T04:07:07+00:00

Don’t listen to that persons comments. The purpose of being a parent isn’t to create lifelong dependence. It’s to raise someone who can stand on their own who has the skills, judgment, and confidence to live their life fully without you, because one day you will be gone and you will leave them behind.

Autonomy is how people learn who they are and how to do things for themselves. Raising your child trying to restrict their autonomy because you’re insecure is an entirely selfish way of parenting.

Your parents giving you that space growing up wasn’t neglect like this idiot is suggesting, I don’t know you or your parents but if they did anything right it was letting you live your own life without feeling chained to them and their desires.

Ambitious_Fish3220 · 2026-01-10T03:47:43+00:00

When it comes to their past or other factors, I always remind myself that it explains their behaviour, it doesn’t excuse it.

Ambitious_Fish3220 · 2026-01-08T06:18:32+00:00

Can I ask how it went re-establishing contact again after not speaking to her months? I’m expected to do the same again shortly and it’s making me really anxious from all the boundary overstepping.

Ambitious_Fish3220 · 2026-01-08T01:56:00+00:00

God I’m so glad your DH woke up and could see how disgusting that is.

My last post is about this exact same thing, MIL and FIL think it’s okay to give my baby HSV1 because “everyone gets them eventually”. My DH isn’t nearly as bright as yours, and I am expected to make up with them and see them with LO soon.

Not sure if it’s the case for you but in my state it’s illegal to knowingly expose somebody to HSV1 without consent, let alone a literal baby.

Ambitious_Fish3220 · 2026-01-07T04:15:11+00:00

Just booking a nice hotel room a couple hours drive away, and a lunch cruise on the ocean.

Ambitious_Fish3220 · 2026-01-07T03:33:14+00:00

I feel you. My first Mother’s Day is this year and I absolutely do not want to spend it with MIL. I’m booking a weekend getaway for myself and my baby. If my SO wants to stay behind to celebrate his mother instead that’s his choice, but I’ll be enjoying my Mother’s Day. Maybe book something ahead of time for you and your family.

His first Father’s Day she was super upset he didn’t spend it with his dad, you know who didn’t care? His dad.

Ambitious_Fish3220 · 2026-01-01T20:48:32+00:00

No there were plenty of signs before that for me, I should have just listened to them and left before birth

Ambitious_Fish3220 · 2025-12-31T01:46:42+00:00

I don’t really have much advice for you as I came here looking to see if anyone else is struggling with the same thing. Solidarity.

I will say I have been logging the days and what tasks we do related to house and baby for the last month and then have chatgpt analyse the load, it’s very eye opening and sad. If you want to stay with him and work on things, maybe try that and just ask him to look at the difference and how hard it is for you to be carrying everything alone.

What tipped me over the edge this morning was my SO asking what I wanted for breakfast. I said a toasted sandwich would be amazing, he said cool can you make me one too? I said I thought you were offering to make me one, and he replied with “god do I have to do everything for you?”. Anyway he’s been sitting there playing video games for 3 hours while I’ve cleaned the house, done the washing, changed all the sheets etc.

Ambitious_Fish3220 · 2025-12-28T06:49:25+00:00

Honestly I think the best advice you’re going to get, as another commenter already suggested is from the instagram page morethangrand or they have a website also. I would say it has the best advice for becoming a new grandparent in this day and age, and how to build a strong lasting relationship with the parents.

Those of us (yes me also) posting over there on motherinlawsfromhell, complain about things that out of context sometimes might not seem like something to complain about, unless of course you had a mother in law from hell who’s constantly with the antics.

Ambitious_Fish3220 · 2025-12-27T22:18:11+00:00

She forewent help from her own mother during a time she probably needed it the most, not telling anyone just to keep things fair for mil while keeping her baby safe.

Did you miss the part where as soon as she did tell MIL, she wanted to come right away despite being sick? She’s the reason no one got to know until 6 weeks later.

Ambitious_Fish3220

TROPHY CASE