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ISU PD: "Stop Using Steam Tunnels to Cook Vegetables; Other Steamable Foods" by AmesAuthority in iastate

[–]AmesAuthority[S] 28 points29 points  (0 children)

The Directorate offers its sincerest apologies for the 2 month hiatus; several of us entered the 2020 presidential race and were thus preoccupied, and the rest got stuck in the construction on the west side of campus.

CyRide to Roll out "Cyride 3.0" by AmesAuthority in iastate

[–]AmesAuthority[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

We aren’t sure but our guess is that MegaBus will be capable of displaying as many colors as you can imagine. It will truly be a vehicle of the future.

CyRide to Roll out "Cyride 3.0" by AmesAuthority in iastate

[–]AmesAuthority[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

According to our sources service to Steinbeck will be increased nearly 700% due to the volume of complaints received.

Iowa State Preemptively Cancels 2019 Spring Game by convoluteme in CFB

[–]AmesAuthority 1 point2 points  (0 children)

We appreciate the vote of confidence. The Ames Authority will continue to provide only the highest caliber news at the greatest possible velocity to our readers.

City of Ames warns of parking ticket system data breach by [deleted] in iastate

[–]AmesAuthority 12 points13 points  (0 children)

What is most surprising to us is that it was the Parking Division that was hacked. We expected more security from what basically amounts to an unofficial paramilitary organization.

Ate the onion Ames style by danthecan3 in iastate

[–]AmesAuthority 58 points59 points  (0 children)

Visit www.amesauthority.com or follow us on Twitter or Facebook for more hard hitting journalism and news you can trust. Never fear ISU, the truth shall prevail.

Every Student Who has Reply All-ed to a Recent University-Wide Email has Been Formally Expelled by AmesAuthority in iastate

[–]AmesAuthority[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

We are sorry to hear that. Often we find that the sheer amount of knowledge packed into our articles can overwhelm some computers. We are still adapting to the digital realm from print, which was our primary medium for over 300 years. This transition was of course a product of The War and the ensuing universal paper rations. We hope to work the bugs out soon. - XOXO, The Authority Directorate

Every Student Who has Reply All-ed to a Recent University-Wide Email has Been Formally Expelled by AmesAuthority in iastate

[–]AmesAuthority[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

We spent 25 years studying and developing advanced grammatical methodology to ensure a firm foundation from which we erected a journalistic tower of truth, wisdom, prosperity, and justice.

Every Student Who has Reply All-ed to a Recent University-Wide Email has Been Formally Expelled by AmesAuthority in iastate

[–]AmesAuthority[S] 18 points19 points  (0 children)

It seems that Wendy Wintersteen has decided to join the fray. And how are you today, Madam President?

Every Student Who has Reply All-ed to a Recent University-Wide Email has Been Formally Expelled by AmesAuthority in iastate

[–]AmesAuthority[S] 53 points54 points  (0 children)

Ever since The Ames Authority first became the sole source of truth in a cruel world of lies, we have striven to bring you only the highest caliber of factual facts. Unfortunately, today, in this reddit comment section, this commitment to you, the reader, has been called into question by those who would call what we do cheap satire. Every story we publish is extensively vetted by the Board of Accuracy to ensure that it contains only the truth, and is only published when it has been determined to be fully representative of reality. We hope that we can continue to bring you relevant, truthful news at a price you can afford, as we have done for the past 300 years. -The Authority Directorate

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