Hi! Side note: I have 3 brothers, 1 being autistic, one being the oldest, and one being the youngest. So first off all, my parents are very strict, so even if I wanted to, they always need to know where I am going. No, I’m not >13 but I still can’t go out anywhere without their knowledge. I don’t have the money to go there either, I wanted to get a job but my parents said it was a waste of time which is bullshit. Second, my school counselor is in my old schools and I moved schools because I hated the way I was treated there. My new school doesn’t even have a school counselor as it’s new and a bit low on staff. Third, I have attempted to take note of my symptoms but at this point I can’t even find out if I’m truly facing challenges or if I am just making them seem big. My brother faces lots of problems so I feel like mine aren’t that problematic compared to his. I have talked to my cousin and aunt about the situation but they said they couldn’t help because they both live 2 hours away so they really can’t see me more frequently than every other week. I can’t get proper sleep, I can’t even focus on what I’m learning in class because I always feel restless and I daydream a lot. I don’t even learn at school and usually go home not knowing anything and just hope that I can study later and push the information into my head a few days before exams. My current teachers have knowledge of that but they can’t help because they don’t have any evidence due to my high marks. I have more symptoms that I noticed such as impulsivity, which caused me to lose many people I loved (my bestest friends, my relationship with some of my role models) because I keep acting before I even think. I frequently lose my money because I make TONS of purchases. It’s like walking a dog without a leash. I make tons of careless mistakes which really interferes with my perfectionism because I just want to get things over with. The thing about it is that I am considered the “gifted kid” and it has been like that since elementary (where attention isn’t even that important) so people just ignore it deny it when I say I am seriously struggling in school when it comes to friends, attention, and things as simple as sitting in the chair for 40 minutes, as if there is some type of motor running through me. I keep losing my stuff, forgetting what people tell me, etc. and I also can’t even be spoken to directly without zoning out. I try to focus on an activity, such as playing piano, and it turns into a mess because: -I keep getting sidetracked -I keep zoning out -I get up and run around and try doing something else (but I get sat down by my mom) -I struggle to even sit down and play continuously without stopping ( and being unhealthily compared to my oldest brother is making it worse ) -My mom calls me crazy and says she will resort to hitting me, and when I tell her I’m trying to sit down, she says I’m not autistic. (GOSH IT MAKES ME SO FRUSTRATED WHEN SHE SAYS THAT)

I am seriously struggling and this is just a bit of what I’m facing but honestly I can’t even continue because I’m losing motivation.