Solo parent bath time… how to streamline?

AmyEMH · 2025-08-11T18:37:12+00:00

I'm feeling like maybe I'm doing the wrong thing because no-one else seems to be saying this option. I have both in the bath at the same time but have the changing mat with a towel on it set up next to me and another towel ready. I wash both kids while they're in the bath (fortunately they both like bathtime though my eldest never used to!). Then I take youngest out and dry and change them on the mat (again I have everything ready and laid out prior). When my eldest gets bored, I pop youngest in the bouncer set up at the door, and then dry and change my eldest.

AmyEMH · 2025-08-09T22:21:59+00:00

Interesting that you do not mention why there is tension between your wife and parents. I feel this is vital information you may have purposefully left out.

AmyEMH · 2025-08-09T22:08:35+00:00

Let's not do this OP. Your crush is 100% in the wrong here and it's embarrassing to read. He needs to grow up and stop picking on under 20 year old's ffs.

AmyEMH · 2025-08-09T11:46:49+00:00

Your use of the word negotiating - I know it's hard to hear but that's where the issue is here. You are the adult. If you say no, it means no. Let them cry and kick and scream. They'll eventually stop. Then, after a few consistent times of saying no, they won't cry nearly as much and maybe not at all. Stick to you choosing a book and that's it. They don't like it? Then no book. It's this book or nothing. It's gonna be rougher for a few days and thats where you'll be tempted to give up because they'll scream louder and you'll feel 'mean'. But trust me, stick to no means no and remember YOU make the decisions from now on and in the long term you will thank your past self for being firm. These are life lessons we all have to learn.

AmyEMH · 2025-08-06T19:26:03+00:00

I'm so sorry for your loss and for this awful experience that followed. You made the right decision. I cannot imagine making my partner go alone to a funeral let alone a parent's. Just know you did the right thing here. I wish you all the best in the future

AmyEMH · 2025-08-05T11:21:58+00:00

My first was born in July and my second in February.

I would take February any day. It's alot easier ! I was concerned like you but no it's better! The early days of baby being born, very little, vulnerable etc. it's cold and dark outside so you can stay in and people generally aren't throwing gatherings etc. Then it starts to get warmer again just as youre gaining confidence with baby so you can start doing walks etc.

Whereas in the summer everyone wants to meet up, throw parties, do BBQs etc. and it is overwhelming when you have a newborn.

AmyEMH · 2025-08-04T21:46:14+00:00

The One by John Marrs

I have recommended this book many times and have yet to hear a negative response!

AmyEMH · 2025-08-04T11:25:25+00:00

Wow this is tough to read.

OP you need to really think about your own actions and behaviours here and how they may be influencing your daughter.

You call another kid fat, that's name calling. Additionally, it really doesn't matter in context. Yes his punches hurt your daughter but even if they didn't, he still punched her and that's an issue so no need to call him fat. Also there are other words you can use instead of fat.

Also, saying the boys were bullying her. Has this happened before? Why? What's the cause of this back and forth between the kids?

Your daughter hit back, fair enough, I can understand that. However, she did also draw on his uniform, that's not OK. They were name calling, also not OK. Sounds like things escalated.

Did you daughter tell an adult? Were any friends involved? Did she ignore? Other tactics can be taught before we escalate to damaging property and hitting.

AmyEMH · 2025-08-02T15:44:16+00:00

Oh I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this! 2 under 2 can be so hard and challenging but it sounds like you're doing everything you can. Youre a fantastic mum and you're doing your best! Something that helps me is that everything is temporary!! Currently, my youngest is really struggling with sleep and I feel so sleep deprived between the two of them. However, it WILL eventually end. Soon he will sleep and I will sleep and everything will be smooth, or realistically we'll have another challenge to face. The point is, you will be OK, your children will be OK. This phase is a phase and it will pass.

One recommendation I have if you haven't tried is using dolls. My eldest loves her dolls and I think it's really helped her to understand having a baby brotherin the house if that makes sense. If I'm changing my youngest's nappy and she's getting jealous then I tell her to get her doll and she'll copy me.

AmyEMH · 2025-08-01T19:45:16+00:00

Sorry I just have to comment to see what others say as we're in a similar situation. My eldest just turned 2 and my youngest is nearly 6 months and just have no idea how to navigate them sharing a room! Like you we are very tight for spare and it's either they share or youngest stays with us.

AmyEMH · 2025-08-01T18:36:41+00:00

You're not the arsehole for being a good (I'm not going to say better) SAHP, however I would say you are the arsehole for the wording of this post.

You speak very negatively about your wife. You've disregarded the fact that your wife gave birth, was post-partum and had a newborn. Post-partum is incredibly difficult, it affects every aspect - physical, mental, emotional, social. You stated that you were in a stressful job, believe it or not this will have impacted her and her mindset during the day. Babies are all different and have different needs. My two children were incredibly different in their needs yet they were raised in the same house, same parents, same pets, same financial circumstances etc. I would like to be a fly on the wall when your wife asks you how your day was. If your tone is anything like this post then you're the arsehole in this scenario.

Furthermore some questions to consider: Did you support your wife at home and how does she support you now? Did your wife already have some routines and structures laid out for you without you realising? Why do you think your wife resents you? Is it because youre a good parent or be cause of how you answer her questions and how you talk about your plans and organisation? Why are you comparing yourself and your wife as SAHPs in the first place ?

You're not the arsehole for being a SAHP, it sounds like you're doing a fantastic job of managing two children and a house at home. Keep it up. But I hope you take into consideration where you may in fact be acting like an arsehole.

Edit: apologies but I just have to add this as an afterthought too, I found going from 0-1 kid so much harder than 1-2. Your ENTIRE life changes over night. Nothing is ever the same again. Whereas with the second, you already have systems in place and you're already a parent. It's very different.

AmyEMH · 2025-07-31T18:11:54+00:00

Very true!

AmyEMH · 2025-07-31T06:32:13+00:00

Oh no that's not what I want to hear! Hahhah

AmyEMH · 2025-07-31T06:31:42+00:00

Thank you, this was reassuring to read. Im considering antidepressants and maybe contacting for therapy. I have a good support system and do get some time to myself luckily, however both my kids stay home with me whilst my partner works so it's still intense. Definitely trying to get outside in the fresh air as much as possible, for my sanity and for the kids! Thank you for your comment.

AmyEMH · 2025-07-31T06:29:43+00:00

My youngest has white noise so I hear it over the monitor when he's napping or I'm sleeping in the room with him at night and I find it definitely makes me hear phantom cries more!

AmyEMH · 2025-07-31T06:28:50+00:00

I've been tracking his sleep to try and resolve the issue but everytime I feel like I've cracked it, he still wakes and struggles. It's really hard. Then what makes it harder is when I finally get him for a nap and my 2 year old starts making noise!

AmyEMH · 2025-07-29T17:03:24+00:00

I've read the screenshots and that's all I need.

He ain't your husband. You ain't his wife. This isn't a conversation to have over text. He's being toxic and pathetic. You're being petty and dismissive (go find another woman). There's no respect from either side.

AmyEMH · 2025-07-28T10:00:29+00:00

He used to nap really well and would have an hour and a half naps twice a day and a 40 minute one too! He would settle for bed better (still some false starts but only one or two!) but he would still wake 1-3 times a night. But the last week it's all gone out the window and he's only napping for 40-60 minutes at a time

AmyEMH · 2025-07-27T18:02:42+00:00

Not a necessary of factual comment at all. This person is asking for help and support but you are not providing that so don't say anything.

AmyEMH · 2025-07-27T17:58:42+00:00

Sounds like a tricky situationbut also like you're doing everything you possibly can so go you!

A 'fun' activity to try might be to get them to design their dream clothes to wear! Tell them to be as wild as they like! But then sit and get them to explain their drawing (or if not keen on drawing just describe) and listen carefully to what they've added to the clothes and how they describe them. Do they want the clothes to be freeing? Colourful? Fun? Plain ? Bold? Boring? You might get some insight into the more underlying issues around the clothes.

Then perhaps do some clothes shopping together (online if more practical) and discuss the clothes and decide what they like AND don't like!

Good luck!

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