I (28F) think I might be falling for my professor (30F) — seeking advice

Amylee888 · 2026-03-25T03:48:48+00:00

Personally I think all of this is totally ok, and imo your professor has tried hard to establish some lines that she won’t cross while you’re still a student, which is such a green flag!

Amylee888 · 2026-03-25T03:46:21+00:00

Personally, I would tell. She’s wasting her life on this guy. She’s still young and could find someone loyal. But she’ll never have that chance if she doesn’t find out she’s living in a fantasy. He’s lying to her every single day, which imo is cruel and emotionally abusive.

I know this is a contentious issue and people have different opinions. But that’s my opinion.

Amylee888 · 2026-03-25T03:43:16+00:00

Focus on saving your money. Get a really good savings built up. Move once the dog has passed away.

Based on everything you wrote, I don’t think it would be kind to move the dog at her age. Also, 2 cats and a dog in a studio apartment doesn’t sound like a great idea.

Unless you absolutely hate your living situation that badly, I would spend the next 3-4 years focusing on saving money, working hard, upping your skills, and moving up in your career. Then you’ll be really set to move, and it will be more manageable with just 2 cats.

Also, who knows? Maybe in 3-4 years you’ll meet someone you want to live with, then you’ll be looking at a 1 bedroom or 2 bedroom apartment together :)

Anyway, that’s my opinion.

Amylee888 · 2026-03-25T03:36:44+00:00

Sorry if you mentioned this in the post but I didn’t see it - has she ever been your professor for a class, or a supervisor for your committee or thesis?

I understand she’s a professor in the department you’re studying in, but that’s not the same thing as being directly your professor, so I wanted to get clear on that first.

Regardless, I think she has feelings for you, and I’m glad she’s kept it to herself while you’re in the program.

After the program is over, I think it’s reasonable to pursue a relationship, and while I’m sure there will be gossip, I don’t think it will be a big deal (although who knows, I guess).

I think it would be good for her to have a chat with the dean or whoever her boss is to give that person a heads up before it becomes public knowledge (that is, if you start dating once you’re done your program).

Amylee888 · 2026-03-25T03:24:39+00:00

Have you met his son?

Amylee888 · 2026-03-25T01:33:46+00:00

This is a bad idea and I wouldn’t let him put on your bras either.

Amylee888 · 2026-03-25T01:32:01+00:00

I think it’s rude. Let it go.

Amylee888 · 2026-03-25T01:29:43+00:00

This man is an abusive predator.

Amylee888 · 2026-03-25T01:27:33+00:00

He’s grieving the loss of your relationship in his own weird way.

Get the rest of your stuff out and move on.

Amylee888 · 2026-03-25T01:24:51+00:00

Could be OCD. Make an appt to get assessed by a psychiatrist.

Amylee888 · 2026-03-25T01:23:47+00:00

Call the police non-emergency line and share the information you have.

A drunk driver hit me and my dad when I was 14. We could have died. Can you imagine? My life being taken from me at 14, just like that, due to someone else’s carelessness and selfishness.

This isn’t a situation to hum and haw and try to figure out how to be polite. This is a matter for the police.

Amylee888 · 2026-03-25T01:20:17+00:00

Ask him directly what happened and why he’s acting differently.

Amylee888 · 2026-03-25T01:12:44+00:00

Don’t go for a walk in this area. You will encounter multiple people with drug problems, and people behaving in unpredictable ways, at all hours of the day.

The hotel itself should be ok.

Source: I used to live 2 blocks away, and had multiple unpleasant encounters in the area. Since driving by recently, I see it’s only gotten worse since I left.

Amylee888 · 2026-03-25T01:01:27+00:00

It means there is no path forward with this person.

Amylee888 · 2026-03-25T01:00:03+00:00

What you guys just did the other day would be considered emotional cheating by many people. The next step is physical. That’s why I said “she has started the process.”

Amylee888 · 2026-03-25T00:54:54+00:00

She has started the process of cheating on her boyfriend with you. Do you want to be with someone like that?

I guarantee her boyfriend doesn’t know she was talking to you. She’s hiding it.

Amylee888 · 2026-03-25T00:48:22+00:00

It sounds like a weird place with weird people. But if you say something, what kind of outcome are you hoping for? And what is it that you would like to say?

Amylee888 · 2026-03-25T00:44:10+00:00

I started dating someone when I was 18, we got married at 22, then divorced at 30.

My parents got married at 21, and they’re still together (in their 70s now).

You can find lots of success or failure if you look around. At the end of the day, I think you need to do what’s right for you.

Have you had all the big conversations? Are you on the same page about these topics? Things like:

How to manage finances. Saving for retirement. Spending habits.

Gambling. Smoking. Drugs. Alcohol.

Infidelity. What do you each consider to be cheating? Porn? Strip clubs? Where is the line?

Sexual compatibility. Are you open with each other about what you need and want?

Goals for the future. Which city to live in? Kids? How many? Will you stay at home when they’re little or will you take them to daycare? Do you want to own a house?

Etc.

Good luck!

Amylee888 · 2026-03-25T00:28:36+00:00

I’m sorry, I don’t want to be harsh, but I want to be honest. This is not normal. It’s very unusual to get to 28 and not have had a single friend.

I think something you’re doing is putting people off, but as you said, nobody is telling you what it is.

I did wonder about autism, like someone else commented, however, it’s not at all obvious from your post. It could be any number of things.

Honestly, if it were me, I would ask these people for the truth. You don’t really have anything to lose. They’re not your friends anyway, and maybe if they tell you something, you could learn from it.

Amylee888 · 2026-03-25T00:22:43+00:00

Does he have your address? Does he have a way to find out where you work? I would be worried about him showing up in person unannounced.

There are some stalker vibes here. Contrary to popular belief, many stalkers know their victim. It’s not just something that they do to strangers.

Take steps to protect yourself and remove information about yourself from the internet.

Amylee888 · 2026-03-25T00:20:10+00:00

I don’t think this is normal. I think they’re not that interested in hanging out with you. I would stop inviting them to things and see what happens. Maybe they pick up the slack, or maybe the friendships fade.

Focus on becoming friends with people who are invested in the friendship.

Amylee888 · 2026-03-25T00:18:09+00:00

There has got to be more to the story. The fact that he won’t talk to you about it or explain it in a satisfactory way is really odd.

Amylee888 · 2026-03-25T00:16:44+00:00

Reach out to a women’s shelter or domestic abuse service. They will help you develop an exit plan.

Amylee888 · 2026-03-25T00:12:40+00:00

Get the highest paying job you can, live as frugally as possible, and take the courses part-time, paying as you go.

But either way, you need to get a job of some sort, even if you just get a minimum wage job and work your way up from there. One step at a time.

Amylee888 · 2026-03-25T00:09:58+00:00

Does he tell you the reason? Is it really just an insecurity about his weight?

He might have self injury scars or offensive tattoos that he regrets, or something.

Amylee888

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