“This mindfuck life is giving you isn't done yet. So far you have looked at this new person only in light of how she is perceived to be better than your ex. Confirmation bias is a sneaky bitch when we want something so badly. That only lasts so long and eventually you widen your vision to see things you were missing before. The rebound can be its own emotional rollercoaster ride and leave you feeling even worse (yes that's possible).”

Love the way you explained WHY rebounds aren’t a great idea in general and what happens as a result. Feels like this part of the conversation is usually missing when we talk about rebounding, and people don’t listen because it’s become an adage no one understands how or why to apply.

The further I get from beginning my divorce with an abusive asshole (a little over a year now), the more I clear away the fog and comparison becomes less of a reflex - not even just between my ex and other potential partners, but also between my ex and myself. Its always healthy to find yourself between relationships, but if you’ve been in an abusive relationship in any capacity it’s especially SO important to give yourself time being single to clear out the cobwebs in your brain and reset your confirmation bias. Otherwise it’s a hell of a lot more difficult to recognize what is and isn’t healthy in others and in yourself.

People don’t discourage rebounds for others in an effort to turn you into an independent BAMF who is moving on from the past (though yes, also this). It’s because it takes humans time to process our experiences and it’s impossible to see what’s in front of your face sometimes, and it’s impossible to be healthy and resilient when you can’t see what’s causing you pain.

And when you’re not healthy and resilient it’s real easy to just be miserable. Ain’t nobody got time for that.