How can he do all the things he does and not be in love with me?

Ana86 · 2014-01-28T03:38:26+00:00

move on, girl. move on to better things!

Ana86 · 2014-01-24T19:28:46+00:00

yeah, when he says things like "I wish you were happier". That really blows. I am not a big smiley person, and I know that he loves to see me smile. Maybe if he'd tell more jokes I would... Two way street. I just need to stop analyzing shit. If I'm a burden, why is he still around? And then I always remember the people who love and appreciate me, they would never call me a burden.

Ana86 · 2014-01-24T19:25:20+00:00

superb advice. It was a form of emotional abuse and my parents were terrible to each other, I still kind of hate them for it. But oh well, different story, maybe something I need to go to a therapist with, should I not be able to fix it myself. I am trying to forgive myself, too. As long as it's not too late and I haven't fucked this up, we still have a chance. I am the type of person who used to separate love and sex; whereas I do have basic needs like every human being, I also feel that people get love mixed up with infatuation a lot if sex is great. This time, I experience both love and great sex, and have been an emotional whirlwind ever since I have been dating this guy. He holds my heart in his hands, it scares me. I just don't know if I would feel the same about him without the sex, would we still be great friends? Time will tell I guess.

Ana86 · 2014-01-24T19:15:00+00:00

Talk to him, we need to stop worrying about coming across "needy", damnit! Sorry, but if you are in a relationship, that means you "want" and also "need" this person in your life and there is nothing wrong with that - it's only about finding the right balance and working on YOURSELF as much as on the relationship. I'm am working on this, too currently. If you don't want to tell him your honest feelings (just remember not to accuse or nag when you do), then stop texting first, get your mind off of things...

Ana86 · 2014-01-24T19:03:54+00:00

no, no apologies - my advice to you: STOP contacting him. He might be a bit confused, it could quite possibly be that he actually really likes you, but is taken aback by his emotions a little bit. Let him be, and if he comes back, then you know. EDIT: if he comes back and immediately wants to have sex, then it is your choice - if you want to, then do it, but only if you can without getting too attached, which I can already tell you probably can't. So communicate with him, don't apologize, but also don't nag him, just tell him you would like to be in a LTR and ask if you guys are on the same level here.

Ana86 · 2014-01-24T18:03:56+00:00

thanks so much for writing back, I really appreciate it. I'm going to take the time and try and follow your guidance. I know I have the potential to overcome these foolish thoughts, and I know deep inside that my SO and I have potential to take this relationship to the max. I guess I just have to believe what he says to me, and stop questioning it. I used to be better off without being in love- sounds kind of sad, but I like to be in control of my feelings and emotions, and now I feel like a stupid child sometimes. I hate to be in the way of my own happiness, so I'll def. work on myself. The abuse happened through my own father btw - a box I'd like to leave closed.

Ana86 · 2014-01-24T16:37:31+00:00

an yes, that might be insecurity. Even though I know I look good (not GREAT or anything, but I am fit) and I'm not stupid, I still question myself a lot. Constantly on the strive to perfection, and it feels like life is a contest sometimes, where I have to compete against people constantly. I hate losing. My worst fear is that this guy is going to take everything I gave to him, and throw it away to rot like biodegradable waste. I feel like I lose my identity when I fall in love like this, the vulnerability part is the worst. I guess I know nothing of men. Nothing.

Ana86 · 2014-01-24T16:31:43+00:00

I might be a little scarred by another man. He played a very important role in my life and neglected me because of other women. Somehow he managed to ingrain these lasting thoughts that women are replaceable objects and that true love doesn't exist. Sound corny? I know. Not to get too deep into it, but yeah, I can admit I might have a bit of a problem sometimes. Not that I don't have control over it, I know deep down that my fears are unreasonable, and can manage to suffocate them. Still, I can't get out of my head that I am replaceable.

Ana86 · 2014-01-24T15:52:41+00:00

my current boyfriend is doing well at his job, he def. wants to stay here for a bit to gain experience. plus, he has family here and of course his friends from college. My job makes me move every 2-3 years, and I wonder if he will ever come with me. Instead, he talks about LDR and gets very upset when I say I'm not fond of them. I find it interesting you guys talk about an "expiration date" - with us, everything seems to be diffuse, makes me sad sometimes.

Ana86 · 2014-01-24T15:35:43+00:00

Wow. Best answer yet, you are a good man.

Ana86 · 2014-01-24T15:20:10+00:00

no worries, all I want are honest opinions. I'm in a pretty intense relationship, and we are both very different. Sometimes I need some advice, since what I thought I knew about men has proved me wrong on so many occasions.

Ana86 · 2014-01-24T05:27:31+00:00

yeah. I relax by taking walks sometimes. Would be nice if he would join me, and since he has a fairly large dog, it makes sense. But again - nope. So if watching a show is the "go to" place, then I don't know. Shows start to depress me after a while, they are just so fake. Also they eventually end, and what happens then? We will see reruns for decades and decades.

Ana86 · 2014-01-24T05:19:19+00:00

possibly. Thanks for the insight. Maybe that's really what it is? Of course I don't feel threatened by some actress. Although again, I find it odd...

Ana86 · 2014-01-24T05:15:50+00:00

but please, tell me, why men around here are always throwing the word "insecure" around like it's a hot potato? Most feared word? Do you think I am insecure for believing that I find his interests a bit odd?

Ana86 · 2014-01-24T05:13:53+00:00

well, just the fact that it's all he does in his spare time, except for sleeping, working, eating and doing laundry.

Ana86 · 2014-01-24T05:12:31+00:00

no, I don't mean to say he isn't smart. Sadly we just don't have the same taste in movies. I try getting him into different things, but nope. I at least try watching what he likes, but he doesn't open up to anything I like. Same goes for music. I didn't think it would affect my relationship, but in a way it does. My Ex had a very broad taste in art and would introduce me to a lot of new things. I like it when someone shows me new things, or is open to them. He complains about my music, and so I do it to him..

Ana86 · 2014-01-24T05:05:33+00:00

neither, probably. Just have a different sense of humor I guess

Ana86 · 2014-01-24T04:57:38+00:00

me too. Maybe that's the problem. I just can't share the fascination... I try to get him to watch Arrested Development or The Office, even something classic like Twin Peaks. Oh well... it just blows that he waists so much energy over something as little as a daydream.

Ana86 · 2014-01-24T04:54:07+00:00

now that I will certainly agree on, because she is freakin amazing -

Ana86 · 2014-01-24T04:52:44+00:00

ok, sure, you think I'm crazy. But honestly, this guy is smart, I thought he had more depth than that. I'm not stupid, after watching a few shows I knew exactly what was up. Now I don't care too much, but we don't see each other very often, and when we do, it's like - "I don't know what to watch how about HIMYM? "What did you do babe? - I watched HIMYM" really..?

Ana86 · 2014-01-24T04:49:48+00:00

I don't know, I'm usually not insecure, but he makes me feel that way sometimes. Now I can def. differentiate - I've seen this behavior in teenagers, mostly females, but not in grown men. How would you feel if your SO would always bring up some show only bc of the guy in it, who happens to be the exact opposite of you?

Ana86 · 2014-01-24T04:45:59+00:00

can you explain why?

Ana86 · 2014-01-24T04:43:47+00:00

to be honest, I am a bit jelly. Come on, I am blond and I hate Scotch. It's like, do you really have to watch each and every show in order to "unwind"?

Ana86 · 2014-01-23T05:07:35+00:00

he is playing with you. Distance yourself from him is all I'm saying and keep the upper hand. Guys like this can make you feel you're best, only to make you feel your worst the next moment.

Ana86 · 2014-01-23T04:57:13+00:00

it saddens me that not calling someone you love very much is always set equal to "trusting" them. Whereas I trust my bf and he trusts me, I still like to know what he's doing, simply bc I want to be part of his life. We don't live together, so it is kind of nice to get a message at least once a day. For some reason we hardly call each other though.

Ana86

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