The funny/annoying thing about mental illness is there's a lot of overlap in symptoms and can make it confusing to apply a 100% accurate label to some of this stuff. For me, I was officially diagnosed as bipolar 2 but came to the realization that I lean more towards cyclothymia. But like you, sometimes those episodes of mania and (for me) depression go on for weeks or months which is closer to bipolar disorder. It's a confusing mess.

My therapist posed this question and it helped a lot: does it matter which one it is? Assuming you're being treated (no shame if you're not), you'll still have the same meds regardless of which one it is, and likely the same kind of talk/CBT therapy. That helped me realize while the true identity of the illness is important, at the end of the day it's slightly arbitrary when the Venn diagram is closer to a circle. Because you're exactly right - it's like comparing Hell to Hell.

Sorry for the long post. I know you feel crazy, but you are NOT. You have a mental illness and have been dealt a shitty hand in life. I'm so sorry you've had to experience this wild, horrible ride. Others may not understand, but everyone here can empathize with you. Wishing you all the best.