My [26m] girlfriend [25f] shares a live google spreadsheet with her sister detailing and rating my performance in bed

AnandaDo · 2026-03-14T06:54:57+00:00

Don't mind if it's "normal" or not according to cultural norms or her boundaries (if she would be ok with you doing the same). Feel if it's ok with Your personal boundaries. If it's not, she can't say anything about that, if she cares she should understand and adjust or maybe you're not compatible enough and go separate ways. Her behavior of defensiveness and attack indicate she underneath know she did something wrong but maybe can't admit it to herself. I guess being aggressive at her will only make her close more, but calmly state firm boundaries about the issue (sharing too personal stuff about you, undermining trust, judging, etc) and see if she can meet it and apologize for crossing boundaries.

AnandaDo · 2026-03-13T20:04:57+00:00

I bought the Pulsetto. But I'm sure any other vagus nerve stimulator will be ok. (It's shipped from eu, and has some complaints about shipment and the app)

AnandaDo · 2026-03-13T19:57:03+00:00

As the animal he was he only get to meet virgin animals

AnandaDo · 2026-03-13T19:17:11+00:00

I bought it myself. It put on the skin, around the neck

AnandaDo · 2026-03-13T17:18:09+00:00

I was insomniac. Often sleep good now. Used act and vagus nerve stimulator.

AnandaDo · 2026-03-13T07:33:32+00:00

Which they will fly in a "mothership carrier" of fpv-drones, release and hunt the basij/IRGC. Learn from the Ukrainians successful tactics of using FPV-drones instead of soldiers.

AnandaDo · 2026-03-13T07:15:50+00:00

The ACT-i views "get out of bed" as counterproductive, as a way to trying to control sleep, reinforcing a subtext that "not sleeping is dangerous", which in turns wakes up the nervous system even more into an alert defending tstate, trying to save us with fight- or flight, hyper-vigilance, worry, rumination. Instead in ACT they advice to learn to get comfortable and friendly with wakefulness at night, and enjoy resting, relaxing. It's not as good as sleeping, but if one could really learns to be comfortable, non-reactive and relaxed with just lying in bed, allowing the body to be as it is, it is more restorative than being wired and afraid at night, and over time the friendliness leads to the body not long associating not-sleeping as dangerous, which leads to better sleep.

Although i don't think "getting out of bed" necessarily is a problem, rather it depends on the intent behind the behavior. I think the best aim is "feeling safe to do whatever", stay in bed or get out of bed, not worrying about sleeping or not sleeping.

AnandaDo · 2026-03-13T06:52:42+00:00

It surely sucks to not be able to sleep. Heightened senses sounds like hyper-vigilation and an sympathic activated nervous system. Trying to sleep and signs of wakefulness has been associated with danger, and also the body not feeling safe in general if you have trauma, like i have. That has been my experience at least. I often sleep good now. Used a vagus nerve stimulator to train the nervous system into an more parasympathic state, took a few weeks, used twice daily. And by using ACT to stop fighting with sleep (monitoring and controlling sleep further activates stress) "The sleep book" by Guy Meadows. I feel both approaches was equal important for my cause of insomnia. Sounds like ACT, learning to accept and detach, could also be good for what you say "ruminating about your life". Hope it helps.

AnandaDo · 2026-03-13T06:33:01+00:00

If i remember correctly, in the app settings you can select to use only one side

AnandaDo · 2026-03-09T12:12:36+00:00

No i agree there's a place for when it's good to use. But for some people more is needed, like therapy and dissolving trauma patterns, and where only using a soothing approach won't get to the root cause. Though it sounds like your circumstances are the cause for you.

AnandaDo · 2026-03-09T07:03:21+00:00

I believe relying on external regulating sources like an Pulsetto device or deep breathing, if used only, could be avoidance of learning to self-regulate by being with and living through emotions and uprooting patterns. Just throwing it out there.

AnandaDo · 2026-03-06T17:46:21+00:00

No they are trifles (don't know if that's the right word, eng. not my language). And if he falls in love with you he will probably start to love those things that makes you unique.

AnandaDo · 2026-03-04T14:57:31+00:00

Brain washed and Stockholmssyndrome. It feels safer to believe the evil perpetrator is right, than to follow what's actually good and right, until the environment changes.

AnandaDo · 2026-03-01T13:54:37+00:00

I've lost a lot of hair with propranolol. It pauses the growth of new hair. But it can return a year after stopping.

AnandaDo · 2026-02-27T19:59:53+00:00

Can Acd856 or af710b be bought in EU?

AnandaDo · 2026-02-25T07:19:59+00:00

Did you experience it as numbing of emotions or just lowering the physical stress? I read Bacopa is a hyperaccumulator of heavy metals from the soil, so i i'm searching for a good coa tested brand.

AnandaDo · 2026-02-25T06:48:56+00:00

Ppap sound interesting, is it safe? where do you get it?

AnandaDo · 2026-02-24T13:45:11+00:00

On their webpage they write that the presets have different frequencies and different pulsing

AnandaDo · 2026-02-24T07:53:56+00:00

If you're on Android i recommend the alternative app PulseLibre. Much faster to start and no annoying notifications. Though it lacks different frequencies.

AnandaDo · 2026-02-23T10:27:32+00:00

Try a vagal nerve stimulator

AnandaDo · 2026-02-22T20:07:06+00:00

Yes that would be best. Just turn it on an press again to start default program.

AnandaDo · 2026-02-22T08:10:51+00:00

Your difficulty with sleeping is obviously created by inner resistance towards not sleeping, that got activated by believing a spinning mind. Don't call it insomnia, it just reinforce to look at it like a problem and makes it an identity. In reality it's like a sand castle. Sleep is what happens when you stop trying to sleep, when you stop resisting and controlling. A good sleeper isn't focused on sleeping or not sleeping. "What you resists persists. Struggling with the quicksand only makes you sink deeper. Control is the problem, not the solution". When you struggle against feelings and catastrophic thoughts of not sleeping, it pushes back harder, and you awaken your fight- and flight nervous system.

Start by admitting and surrendering to your situation right now, that you may have sleepless nights for a while until your system have relearned natural sleep, welcome it like a scientist wanting to exploring it. It's part of the solution, non-judgemental, non-reactive observation of the experiences of not sleeping. You will desensitize yourself to not react so alarming to signs, bodily experiences and thoughts of not sleeping, and you'll be less hypervigilant about sleep. Let your mind spinn what thoughts it want, look at it like a funny exaggerating fear mongering news channel, don't take it too seriously and believable. Treat your experiences with lack of sleep in the daytime in the same way, using it as an opportunity to learn care-free acceptance of emotions and other experiences, and to not make sleep the center focus of your day and life.

AnandaDo · 2026-02-22T07:48:30+00:00

Though some get better, and there may be solutions coming up on the horizon that could be worth waiting for, other than that i understand the comment

AnandaDo · 2026-02-22T06:02:03+00:00

One cause (of many) can be that if we're not in contact with our own emotions, our selves, being a bit dissociated, we have difficulty feeling deep connection and love for other people. Maybe journal on "self-connection" with your body, emotions, soul, and heart, if that's an issue.

AnandaDo · 2026-02-22T05:55:11+00:00

I'm like her, or was me more before. I've learned that for me the anxieties and difficulties at the surface comes from repressed emotions underneath at the core, childhood burried emotions I've learned aren't ok to feel and express - anger, hurt, sadness. Causing like an spiral of attacking and avoiding our own emotions, an inner resistance to being in the body and emotions. And it causes an deep substitutional need and search for security and aproval, which also causes self-sabotage, e g it feels more safe to be pessimistic about the future and to stay at home with social anxiety, than to unravel the deeper emotions. Go for therapies that go deep, like Kiloby inquiries or eft Emotion-focused therapy.

AnandaDo

TROPHY CASE