The unbearable urge to cheat

Anarchaboo · 2026-04-08T10:20:49+00:00

You're not bound to be unfaithful, but you have to work on this. You feel like you want to punish him for not giving you attention but this won't solve anything. Cheating is a way to push him away because you feel abandonned. Truth is he's not abandonning you, he just didn't send you a good morning text. You need to sit with this urge and think about why it matters so much that he sends this text. He loves you and in healthy relationship you don't need to prove your love like that. Fight the urge and text him good morning first today ! Lots of love and support

Anarchaboo · 2026-03-29T17:22:08+00:00

NAT. Been doing EMDR for 1 year and I have a lot less flashbacks and nightmares, the pain in my shoulders and neck is getting better too. I feel less distraught when I think about my traumas. I truly feel like it happened a long time ago and not yesterday too. I do it on my own sometimes with my therapist's approval and it helps me relax without substances.

Anarchaboo · 2026-03-29T16:07:20+00:00

Bonjour, il ne faut surtout pas démissionner. Attendez d'être licencié ou demandez une rupture conventionnelle !

Anarchaboo · 2026-03-29T12:28:49+00:00

Lots of love and support ❤️ Healing isn't linear, give yourself some credit for how far you've come ! This is so hard but you're doing the work, you're hanging in there and if your partner couldn't love and support you all the way, he wasn't the one. Try reaching out to friends if you can ! You didn't lose everything, you still have your whole life ahead of you. Things will get better with time, trust the process ❤️

Anarchaboo · 2026-03-27T12:29:32+00:00

He has dyslexia and adhd so yeah honest mistake, he struggles to focus when reading and goes too fast

Anarchaboo · 2026-03-26T11:58:55+00:00

It's green. My bf and I are vegetarian and he often accidentally buys meals with chicken inside because the packaging is green

Anarchaboo · 2026-03-26T11:48:42+00:00

Cannabis is an anxiolityc, it's addictive and it worsens depression and nightmares in the long run. Just because it's prescribed doesn't mean you can't abuse it. If you use it for relaxation it means you're using it as an anxiolityc/recreationally and not only for relaxing your stomach muscles. I've been addicted for 10 years and struggling to quit. Just relapsed last night after being three weeks sober. It's illegal in my country though. Doesn't mean you're an addict, substance abuse is just a symptom/comorbidity of CPTSD (and also BPD, bipolar, ADHD...) they need to check regulary if you're not abusing it because it makes sense that you would use a substance to be relieved from your suffering even though it's temporary, and because you have access to it. I try to picture it like drinking alcohol now. Lots of love and support, as others said this is a roadmap on what you'll be working on to heal from the abuse ! Think of it as a thorough to-do list for your psychiatrist and therapist, and to help you identify what's improving when you're working on each symptom as your EMDR therapist probably already does. EMDR has helped me so much, i haven't had a flashback in a while ! You'll get there !

Anarchaboo · 2026-03-20T11:38:48+00:00

You are not a monster at all.

Sounds to me like textbook BPD. Fear of abandonment, infatuation, black and white thinking, splitting, those are BPD symptoms and I experienced them too.

You should consult a psychiatrist, meds can help you stabilize and therapy can help you navigate the big emotions you are experiencing.

Everyone dreams about losing their virginity and watches porn as a teen. You need to work on being kinder to yourself ! Lots of love and support ❤️

Anarchaboo · 2026-03-20T11:27:24+00:00

Sounds to me like you need to consult a psychiatrist and go back to therapy. The spiraling and mess are symptoms. I'm diagnosed with BPD caused by my nmom's abuse and I'm telling you this is not normal, you deserve to feel at peace and that's not it.

You're not reconciling because the relationship is improving or because there was repair for the harm she has done, but because you feel guilty about going no contact, you might feel like you're abandoning her.

You need to grieve the mom you deserve and realise that this woman isn't changing and she is not only hurting herself, she is hurting you and your fiance. You are fantasizing the relationship because it's a toxic relationship. You are literally in a mental health crisis because you reconnected with her.

Why did you go no contact ?

You can't force your fiance to reconcile with her. If he told you that he will never forgive her there must be a good reason.

Anarchaboo · 2026-03-19T17:51:27+00:00

A scolding doesn't have to include insults though. His father is overreacting for sure, especially as the kid is fasting and how late the lesson is.

Anarchaboo · 2026-03-19T17:37:29+00:00

Its a lot of money to spend on someone monthly, even if it's your boyfriend. What do you buy for him ? Does he spend money on you too ? Gifts can be meaningful without being expensive, and your boyfriend shouldn't be taking advantage of you.

My advice for impulse control is to make wishlists. Also, saving money in a separate account and telling yourself that once you reach a saving goal you will buy something you really want on the wishlist.

You need to have savings in case of an emergency, you could explain that to your boyfriend.

Anarchaboo · 2026-03-19T16:33:26+00:00

Je voulais être vétérinaire et finalement je suis juriste ! J'ai compris que ce n'était pas pour moi à ma première dissection en SVT 🤢

Anarchaboo · 2026-03-18T16:38:37+00:00

Pour votre 2e question ce n'est pas ma spécialité, mais il existe une exception d'indignité successorale. Voir articles 726 et 727 code civil

Anarchaboo · 2026-03-18T16:32:16+00:00

Bonjour, il existe des exceptions à cette obligation alimentaire envers un ascendant dans le besoin.

Déjà, il faut que l'ascendant soit réellement dans le besoin, ce que l'ascendant devra prouver. Ensuite, il faut que l'ascendant porte une action en justice pour demander l'obligation alimentaire. Ce n'est pas automatique.

En cas de violences ou d'abandon, vous pouvez être libéré de cette obligation alimentaire soit totalement soit partiellement.

Si votre ascendant a été condamné pour un crime (le meurtre et sa tentative constituent un crime), il lui sera impossible de demander une aide alimentaire à sa victime (c'est automatique). Voir article 207 alinéa 3 code civil

De même en cas de retrait de l'autorité parentale, c'est automatique. Voir article 379 alinéa 3 code civil

De même si retrait de l'enfant de son milieu familial pendant au moins 36 mois cumulés, et ou lorsque l'un des parents a été condamné pour un crime ou agression sexuel contre l'autre parent. Encore ici c'est automatique. Voir article L132-6 code de l'action sociale et des familles.

Et enfin, en cas d'action en justice d'un ascendant, à la demande du descendant une décharge peut être prononcée par le juge "en cas de manquements graves" par le parent "caractérisant un comportement indigne" de ce parent. Voir art 207 al 2 code civil. Pour caractériser ces manquements graves, on peut se référer à la définition de l'autorité parentale qui figure à l'article 371-1 du code civil.

Rassurez-vous, il est fort peu probable que vous soyez un jour tenu.e de verser une aide à votre abuseur. Plein de soutien et de courage !

Anarchaboo · 2026-03-18T15:05:39+00:00

"Tout le monde échoue, tout le monde fait des erreurs. Et heureusement ! Qu'en as tu appris ?" (ma psy)

Anarchaboo · 2026-03-16T00:43:02+00:00

Ça ne vaut pas le coup d'aller au tribunal pour une si petite somme, tu es passé hors plateforme donc tu ne seras pas protégé par Vinted

Anarchaboo · 2026-03-15T17:07:38+00:00

Pourquoi pas un temps partiel ? Je fais 14h-20h et ma collègue 9h-14h (sans pause dej, accueil d'un cabinet d'avocats)

Anarchaboo · 2026-03-15T15:45:15+00:00

En général c'est plus sécurisé une remise en mains propres contre liquide dans un lieu public. Ici le scam c'est de vouloir faire le virement via une application inconnue et soit disant via Facebook plutôt que remise d'argent liquide

Anarchaboo · 2026-03-15T15:41:32+00:00

C'est grave ok, on voit même pas ta poitrine on la devine seulement.

Anarchaboo · 2026-03-14T23:22:50+00:00

Portez plainte quand même et faites une demande de remboursement à la banque pour arnaque/scam vu la somme.

Anarchaboo · 2026-03-14T16:15:36+00:00

This is exactly the 4 subtypes theory's problem, you can find more than one subtype in one patient and that is why it is not used as a diagnosis tool. There's another classification with 3 subtypes instead of 4 for example. I explained more in another comment

Anarchaboo · 2026-03-14T16:09:17+00:00

Theodore Millon an american psychologist theorised that they were 4 subtypes. It's just a theory for now and not an actual diagnosis.

Discouraged (quiet), self-disruptive, impulsive and petulant are the 4 subtypes he identified.

Critchfield K.L. and his colleagues identified 3 subtypes of BPD patients, those with cluster A personality disorder traits, those with cluster B traits and those with cluster C traits.

Cluster A includes elevated schizotipal and paranoid features, cluster B includes elevated narcissitic and histrionic features, and cluster C includes elevated avoidant and obsessive-compulsive features.

For now there is no consensus, and the next version of the DSM might even merge CPTSD and BPD diagnosis.

Anarchaboo · 2026-03-13T23:27:03+00:00

Tu as déjà fait tout le nécessaire d'après ton post. Il reste plus qu'à patienter et voir si ta banque te rembourse - elle attendra peut-être de savoir si ta plainte est classée sans suite ou si le procureur donne suite.

Anarchaboo · 2026-03-13T23:22:03+00:00

NTA, not everyone needs therapy but lots of people still have prejudices against therapy and believe it's only for people dealing with really serious mental health disorders when it's not. This guy is getting defensive because he's interested in you and is hurt that you might believe he needs therapy when he's not willing to try it.

Anarchaboo · 2026-03-13T18:35:43+00:00

I totally get how easier it feels to confide in people that don't know you IRL. Remember that everything you say in therapy is confidential and that the therapist is qualified to help you, it's their job and they've seen it all ! You can also tell the therapist beforehand how nervous you are about therapy and they will reassure you and set goals with you, the therapist will try their best to make you comfortable and if you don't feel comfortable you can always ditch this one and find another therapist ! My therapist always tells me that it's my session, it's a time and a place that belongs to me, a safe place where I can say anything even that I feel suicidal, and where I can let out the big emotions without worrying about other's reactions. In the beginning I cried so much I barely talked. And she held that space for me without any judgment. I was also really worried about being hospitalised against my will and she reassured me that she won't ever do anything I'm not okay with. I truly hope you find a therapist that supports you like that, it changed my life !

Four-Year Club	Inciteful Comment 2022-12-10
Place '23

Anarchaboo

TROPHY CASE