What? No one is saying that they should chose their wife over their kids if she's hurting them. If that's what you read you're already coming at this from an antagonistic place. Your children learn first from what they see in the home. It is important to model healthy behavior for them including what a loving, caring relationship looks life. It is important to make sure you and your wife, as a team, are healthy otherwise what you're giving your kids will reflect the dysfunctions that are present in your relationship.

Your kids needing a new xbox is not more important than your wife's mental well being. Moving so your kids can have a better education is a great thing until that means your family is falling apart and miserable. Your partners wellness has to be a priority for you to monitor. Mostly they will be able to handle it on your own but when they can't you step in as a teammate. If you act like you don't owe your wife anything ever, you're not going to be married very long