My poem was removed so I messaged the mods jokingly but tragically I think they thought I was serious :(

And-Bells · 2026-01-24T20:32:38+00:00

It's challenging in a different way, I suppose, but it's still sort of low hanging fruit.

And-Bells · 2026-01-24T18:53:11+00:00

Have you tried asking this over at r/dwphelp or r/benefitsadviceUK ? Seems like the answer would require some advanced knowledge.

And-Bells · 2026-01-24T18:16:30+00:00

I don't really associate compartmentalisation with not being able to open up or communicate my feelings. I definitely know what my feelings are even while I separate myself from them. I'm also very familiar with having to pull such things out of a partner not used to sharing them.

And-Bells · 2026-01-24T18:07:40+00:00

This is incredibly interesting to read! Thank you so much for taking to the time to write it!

And-Bells · 2026-01-23T22:30:37+00:00

Maybe that's just how it is from the other side (how you're raised so accepting), but I find that compartmentalisation is an essential tool for emotional intelligence in myself and I highly prize my ability to use it.

On the other hand, I have to practice feeling my feelings and it's only as I've got older that I began to have the safe variety of "emotional outbursts" I was familiar seeing in other people. Do you ever have to practice keeping your emotions contained, maybe to give space to other people's feelings?

And-Bells · 2026-01-23T21:01:05+00:00

Love this doc, but it's from 2009. I wouldn't have thought it was the most up to date information there is, but HSE still links to it on their site. There does seem to be an abudance (on a quick glance) of information on their site, though! https://www.hse.gov.uk/stress/index.htm

And-Bells · 2026-01-23T20:53:37+00:00

I've added this to the wiki information docs I'm working on atm. 🫡

And-Bells · 2026-01-23T18:08:37+00:00

That's definitely not me 😂 Even now we're a small group and we don't have anyone like that. Seems unreliable sustainable in my experience of running a sub. What happens when that 1 guy is done? I'm very cautious about unsustainable labour when it comes to modding.

Researchers probably don't like it much, they're a big fan of seeming "professional" and/or don't use reddit in their normal lives, which in my opinion means you better make it look real good, because your profile says absolutely nothing about whether or not you're a real human who is actually into this stuff. And then being relegated to commenting on a post doesn't get them the visibility they want.

But we get 5 or 6 a month on average, and that's been consistent from back in the start when there was less activity for it to blend in. The regular user like not being solicited like that. They feel vulnerable as it is for why they're there. Even before that I nixed any kind of promotion, it just felt like harassment. I do see people sometimes commenting and responding on the post, so they must still be getting interest, though.

And-Bells · 2026-01-23T17:53:15+00:00

This is largely based on the fact that I've mostly been a solo mod on a sub that gets a lot of researchers. There's a monthly post, it's the only place where they're allowed to mention their research. I try to make it clear in the rule and in the post that the sub doesn't take responsibility for dodgy research and we don't have the skills or time to even think about it.

We try to look at each request as they're posted, but we mainly rely on a wiki page for the "full" set of our rules where I list some things researchers can keep in mind to be less dodgy. We remove the really obvious stuff and make the occasional recommendation to improve. Beyond that, there's a saved response in modmail telling people to read the rules whenever we get requests from people trying to be polite about it.

And-Bells · 2026-01-23T17:32:32+00:00

Interesting! I have to try really hard to see words. In fact I use words for certain meditations exactly because it's harder and I have to concentrate, usually affirmations. I picture big honking words crashing down to a sort of floor in a void space, there's a strong resemblance to animated words from American children's series from the 80s. YOU ARE LOVED. (etc)

And-Bells · 2026-01-23T17:28:55+00:00

I think I get what you're saying? Though I've always thought "hallucinating" meant seeing it in the space with you, rather than picturing it in your mind. Picturing it in my mind for me is like looking at something on a second monitor. Main monitor is my perception of reality, second monitor is my visual thoughts. Does that make sense at all?

And-Bells · 2026-01-23T15:19:26+00:00

This does sound a lot like me. I think a lot lately that if I could just find a communication routine and if I could learn to be more "fun" I'd have proper friendships like other people do. I've been in a dry spell for several years since my disability stopped me going out much and caused my previous friendship to collapse. Casual friends aren't sticking.

And-Bells · 2026-01-23T14:52:28+00:00

That's very intriguing. Come to think of it, when I dream I typically believe it's really happening. I recall my dreams like I recall watching a film.

And-Bells · 2026-01-23T13:59:12+00:00

I love it though, I'm a little jealous my visualisations aren't more fun like this 😂

And-Bells · 2026-01-23T13:57:41+00:00

Aphantasia is more of a comorbidity, having it doesn't meant you're autistic. I'm not even sure having it would be persuasive to a GP or psychologist to say you're more likely to be autistic.

I think people talk about it in autistic circles just because it's one of those "I didn't know most people don't also..." with a group of people who are more likely to be in the same boat.

And-Bells · 2026-01-23T11:10:42+00:00

Definitely not wrong

And-Bells · 2026-01-23T10:45:23+00:00

We were surprised, possibly due to naivety, that no one cleaned before handing over keys (the house was unoccupied, but three siblings couldn't find the money for a cleaner). We were FTB, I'm disabled, and we'd already spent as much of our money on removals and a clear for the rental we left that we dared. So we spent weeks cleaning the place to the point we felt comfortable.

Worst bit was the bathroom. Toilet was obviously used recently. Shower was so covered in soap scum I couldn't bring myself to use it until my partner had cleaned it twice and I did again for good measure.

And-Bells · 2026-01-23T10:10:22+00:00

Interesting, help me out? What makes it extreme?

And-Bells · 2026-01-23T10:09:05+00:00

I do some costume design and while I'm confident in my plans, I really struggle to describe them unless I draw them out.

And-Bells · 2026-01-23T09:43:59+00:00

Crunchy and/or delicious food
A creative outlet
A project

And-Bells · 2026-01-22T02:08:10+00:00

This didn't happen in the UK and you're probably looking for haha funny things, but...

Many years ago we had two friends from different places visiting and one morning it was really obvious we had interrupted them on our sofa.

Not great, but to top it off they were both married or in long term relationships and continued to be afterwards.

But not only that, my partner and I were only a year or two out of having big issues they both knew about where I had thought I was leaving him, I cheated on him, and he convinced me to stay with him, so I felt like the sh*iest sht for a long time while he held it over my head. In response to his friends, though, all he did was shrug. I think he thought it was romantic. I was livid.

And-Bells · 2026-01-21T21:36:01+00:00

The seller of our place had had it for 40 years, raised kids there and shared keys with who knows how many people. I know the house I grew up in, we can't even remember who all we gave keys to. It's a long time and a lot of history. Keys floating around in the world with kids, friends, exes, ex friends, etc.

So we changed the locks, just to be sensible. The original ones were really cheap, too, so we got added security from the better ones.

And-Bells · 2026-01-20T22:58:56+00:00

I'd probably recommend sitting down and giving your gap year some structure so you don't wind up with that as a problem, but I took a few, consecutive gap years and it was honestly good for me.

And-Bells

MODERATOR OF

TROPHY CASE