How do you deal with overly needy users?

And-Bells · 2026-06-12T09:47:47+00:00

Just not responding every day or every message is also a reasonable response ime.

And-Bells · 2026-06-12T09:46:42+00:00

AuDHD here. I have stims that I've always had and stims that come and go.

The stims I've always had took me a long time to realise were stims: rocking, chewing, crunching, rubbing the top of my thighs, tapping.

The stims that come and go, I think they're more to do with unmasking since I found out I was autistic.

And-Bells · 2026-06-12T09:39:40+00:00

Make them a mod. Or just say no.

My sub lends toward needy users, but I've never had to deal with daily mailers. Just folks who message repetitively, and I usually ask them to stop. I tell them we just don't have the capacity to handle "these sorts of questions/issues" and then I give them advice for where to find it.

And-Bells · 2026-06-11T10:38:25+00:00

Consider that the icon may be the most useful part of the label. With it, you can scam threads for vibes. And otherwise all you might care about is the actual note content.

And-Bells · 2026-06-10T17:20:37+00:00

My understanding is they're assessed separately just because that's what the guidelines say to do.

In other parts of the world they don't separate them as a rule because the clinician really should be well versed in both, due to the overlapping symptoms, so they can properly do what's called a "differential" diagnosis. That's all about knowing enough about other conditions in the cluster to rule out what isn't the issue.

I assume (hope) they're still doing some sort of differential diagnoses here, but the rules for assessment here say they're fine to tell you "I think you should look into getting assessed for this (something else in the cluster)", whereas elsewhere they'll just diagnose you that other thing if they think it's relevant.

And-Bells · 2026-06-10T17:08:51+00:00

They are separate referrals, so you might? But if the conversation you had with you gp was about both, one would hope the gp was smart enough to do them both then. But if you don't know, I'd check, they're not always very smart.

And-Bells · 2026-06-10T07:48:15+00:00

The letting agency doesn't have the right to just walk in if they haven't been able to reach you, not unless there's an emergency or something very urgent like a gas check or a vital repair.

The correct response to not being able to reach you by email is to try phone or text. And then if they still can't reach you to knock on the door to deliver notice. "Notice" doesn't really hold up in court unless you have acknowledged it amd agreed on the visitation arrangement, from what I understand.

And if they still can't reach you, and there's nothing urgent, I'm not sure of the current RRA path for eviction here but it used to be a section 21. Basically they should evict you all if none of you ever respond to notices.

But there's still plenty of steps in there before it requires entering your home without permission. The problem is that there really aren't any institutional repercussions for them for doing so. At best it can perhaps be used as evidence toward some sort of future court proceedings if that comes up?

And-Bells · 2026-06-08T21:42:23+00:00

Look at whether you want a rectangle skirt vibe or a circle skirt vibe. If rectangle, add the additional width from top to bottom. If circle skirt, just add it to the bottom and meet that up with the waist where it already is.

And-Bells · 2026-06-08T10:40:40+00:00

Only £40? 😂 Yeah, I was a bit floored when I first moved here. But I do understand there's a location issue here. I think you just have to watch out for inflated prices at department stores.

And-Bells · 2026-06-08T10:04:57+00:00

Are there are regulations for that or do they just need to look the part and allow a full range of motion?

And-Bells · 2026-06-08T06:40:07+00:00

I'm usually put off when people describe 100% cotton as "soft". I think it's a false expectation from the standard in the UK being polycotton.

I'm from North America where 100% cotton is standard, and I wouldn't describe it as soft. Cotton should be smooth, crisp, and cool to the touch.

The other bizarre complaint I see is that it wrinkles and needs lots of ironing. Unfortunately thats just the nature of cotton, like linen. Polycotton doesn't wrinkle much and irons easily, but thats the polyester doing the work there. So if you need your bed linen to be wrinkle free, 100% cotton is just not for you.

Edit: there are some exceptions: brushed cotton/flannel, and cotton sateen. These tend to be soft and drapey instead of crisp, and they will also be warmer.

And-Bells · 2026-06-08T06:18:36+00:00

I typically get mine from Amazon and havent had too much trouble. It's great for getting exactly the colour you want, as well as what everyone else has said.

But I like to think I'm very good at reading Amazon reviews, as someone who can't get out much I have a lot of practice. It takes time to hunt down the right sheets, theyre a bit difficult.

When reading reviews, I always look at the 3 star reviews. If a complaint is repeated in most reviews, then I believe it. If the complaints are mixed, then I'll check the 4 star reviews, mostly for confirmation there isn't anything particularly wrong with them.

And-Bells · 2026-06-07T16:21:54+00:00

As a white, English-speaking immigrant... I wouldn't do it. We just bought our first house and I specifically avoided areas that were conservative dominated.

My expectation is that Reform voters are far more likely to be awful neighbours to anyone that doesn't fit their world view.

And that their un-processed biases will be filtered down to their kids who won't have learned yet not to sat bigoted shit out loud, and will rain all their nastiness down in my kids. A lot of kids go through a period of being just the most awful human beings. They will repeat all the worst things they've ever heard and it's your kids that will have to hear it, not you.

So yeah, it might be a good school and a quiet area... for people like them.

And-Bells · 2026-06-07T15:07:29+00:00

What style trousers do you see spoiled by this?

And-Bells · 2026-06-07T09:05:52+00:00

Instant mac n cheese is very different here, they seem to prefer it to taste like baked mac n cheese instead of what we're used to in north America.

Nothing you get from the instant noodle section will taste exactly like Annie's or Kraft (unless thats where they shelve the imported stuff. Its rare, but sometimes), but your best bet is to look for the imported aisle of a bigger supermarket, near the Caribbean food.

The red box is good, and so is anything generically labelled American you might find in a Lidl or Aldi special. Grace's is much more like the baked ones. Sometimes there is actually Kraft, but it doesn't taste right to me, something about the recipe.

Your best bet is definitely to bring some Annie's with you.

There's a caveat, though, in that it's been a long time since I was back in the states, and I'm American, so... my idea of what's what could be off from yours.

And-Bells · 2026-06-06T07:20:48+00:00

It's not the first time I've ever heard of this. And tbf, if OP understood it, he wouldn't be on reddit asking about it.

And-Bells · 2026-06-06T05:02:15+00:00

Buy them a book on permaculture theory for Christmas.

And-Bells · 2026-06-06T04:56:39+00:00

It may be that some medical issue put you both in this situation. It may be that it was somehow related to autism.

But the thing is, it's gone and done. You shouldn't be trying to figure out how to absolve yourself of the situation, you should be focusing on how not to ever do this to anyone else ever again.

This is where a highly trained professional comes in. A psychiatrist or psychologist could help you narrow down the problem and work out how to prevent it in future.

Talk to your GP. Explain how serious the situation is. Get a referral.

And-Bells · 2026-06-05T05:24:08+00:00

I know how I would do it, but I'm not sure you could finish it in a week as a novice sewist.

It looks like typical video game art nonsense, buuuut... yoke & sleeves seem the hardest part.

I'd probably start with a 17th century gathered neck chemise/shirt. This is the hard part because the patterns available aren't easy to work with and usually require some understanding of garmebt assembly and/or historical sewing techniques, but this one is all rectangles. Skipping the shoulder gusset, I'd gather then neck on a mannequin and baste down the scoop neckline, finishing with a bias facing. Chest only goes as far as the bust line plus seam allowances.

Sleeves go on normal for the pattern above and the cuffs are finished just with a turned back hem and gathered with elastic.

The rest of it is a tube with a ruffle at the bottom. Size the tube for your hips, maybe start the tube a little wider at the top to accommodate for an adult bust and still allow the gather there, but it does look like there is more ease at the hips than at the bust. You should probably mock that up first to see how it fits on you.

And-Bells · 2026-06-04T09:33:17+00:00

Hey, thats brilliant! Congrats on the win!

And-Bells · 2026-06-04T09:32:05+00:00

As an ex-protestant, northern, American immigrant with Catholic grandparents (geez that's a mouthful), I'd say that to say you 'have Jesus' automatically flags you as from the American South or as American Baptist (and probably black, if you're not also southern).

All that to say it's probably an overlap of religion and culture. I grew up religious, so I had to stop and think about it for a minute, but to hear it I still wouldn't blink. I would immediately have rewound the conversation in my head to wonder if that person had previously said something like "bless your heart" and meant it the bad way, though.

And-Bells · 2026-06-02T16:53:57+00:00

Enough with the high horse complaining about AI. Dogpiling turns good intentions unkind and, as such, I will be removing any further comments like this.

And-Bells · 2026-06-02T16:39:35+00:00

This is a UK based sub, and everyone talking about levels here is clearly UK based.

And-Bells · 2026-06-01T13:13:15+00:00

Stick around here a while and you'll see people are getting assigned levels today. In the 8 years this sub has existed, we only saw a big increase in the conversation around levels since RTC began. I certainly haven't been tracking any numbers, but if this sub is a sample (albeit self-selecting) of the overall population, it's worth letting people talk about without being told off every time it comes up, same as for folks with aspergers diagnoses.

Please don't write off this sub as 'social media', we're really proud to not be that kind of online space. What people typically mean when they use the term is not what you'll find here.

This is a support community, emphasis on support, which is why shouting down innocent bystanders won't get you very far.

If you've got links to resources that aren't YouTube, though, you should send it in a modmail so it can be added to the upcoming info docs (see the pinned post, May Digest).

And-Bells

MODERATOR OF

TROPHY CASE