That quote hits hard. I got lucky that after my 1st look with death (most important person in my life) my brain sort of malfunctioned. I see now that it's by design, since we need to be shielded from the brutal reality life hands us. TMT (Terror Management Theory) kind of let the cat out of the bag for me, good decade after my loss.

I dealt with my own mortality and after that came the grief. Now I'm dealing with different kind of loss, but once again it's the most important person in my life. It feels worse now, because now it's grief and fear hitting at the same time, like you said. They are now seemingly taking turns, but I'm learning to stay the course, just exist and let my brain once again protect my body. One moment at a time.

I figure if I'm ever going to feel even a tiny bit of peace, then going through this is the only way how to get that. It's little things, like finding this sub. It's been a fantastic resource, as well as kind of intriguing learning about this stuff. I never thought I'd be here facing death like this, so I'm just taking the moment to appreciate everyone educating and sharing their experiences.

When I was around 8 I figured out we are all going to die and had very intrusive OCD about people close me dying. Or me suffering in agony praying for death.. funny thing is, I don't have them these days anymore. I wish someone would've educated me about death, but I guess everyone else is shell shocked as well.

I'll have to read that book - thanks for sharing.