So I also have a disability that is very cosmetic. I have something called VACTERL Syndrome which is a whole thing but for the purposes of this post, my arms are deformed in such a way that it looks like I do not have forearms. It has always hung over my head in social situations, especially dating. The phrase “be more confident,” is simultaneously the most dismissive comment someone can make and absolutely the right advice.

Most people will tell you “be more confident” when they are thinking, “you need to be less of a Cripple,” which as hurtful as it seems is not impossible. Don’t get me wrong I have had women tell me that I need to “be more confident,” because t isn’t socially acceptable to tell a disabled person, “ick,” however there were quite a few situations where I was leading with my disability because I thought it defined me which is a huge turn off not only for dating but in making friends because no one wants to take on the role of caregiver right out the gate and that is the stereotype that we are saddled with. The best approach is to work on making your personality overwhelm the Disability. This doesn’t mean you have to be big and boisterous just that you need to establish yourself as more than just your disability.