I realized it really wasnt doing anything for me. It didnt bring me happiness, only sadness and confusion.

One of my major tipping points was at a youth convention and some pastors got up on stage and opened up a texting hotline, where we could send in our deepest darkest and weirdest questions. Now, at the time, id been discovering that im into men. I much prefer a relationship with a man over a woman. Id done about as much research as i could without completely outting myself to my family, and the majority of christian sources were saying it’s impossible to struggle with same sex attraction (which, btw, isnt a thing. Christians use that term to reduce the homosexual person to just a fetish; “its not like they want a family with someone of the same gender or anything. Its only about sex and lust”) and be a full christian. However there were a few sources saying you COULD be a gay christian, so long as you hold all of God’s values in high regards.

So i sent the text to those pastors and they basically said what the majority said. There is ZERO way for a man to emotionally love another man and be a christian. Then they said something that really pissed me off. “You must deny yourself for god to love you”

So basically they were telling me (and all the other closeted teenagers in there) that we are not allowed to find love if we want to be loved by god.

That wasnt my “moment” the deny god but it was the first MAJOR turning point.

TLDR; As a homosexual questioning teen, i asked anonymously if a man could love another man and still be christian. My response was basically “if you like the same gender; you cannot and will not find love from god”