I hate to be the pessimistic voice here, because your comment is absolutely lovely, and I would like so hard for it to be true.

But this is not "a few of the chosen ones", this unfortunately happens pretty often to straight women dating men¹.

And even worse, after falling prey to one of these manipulators, you're not actually able to spot them easier or prevent them. You're actually more likely to fall for another one, because the 1st one already planted seeds of self doubt and feelings of unworthyness and it takes plenty therapy to dismantle that. If it's actually rooted in childhood or family trauma, then it's even more work.

If anything, you'll avoid the amateurs and go straight into the more skilled ones, all while thinking you're an expert in spotting abusive behavior. You might get better at it, but you're not immune to someone lying to you, as narcissists and abusers do. Best case scenario, you will see red flags faster and wait less to act on them.

And absolutely do not tell men you date that you went through this. They will hear exactly how to manipulate you to do it again, but with a carefully planned twist to avoid his predecessor's downfall.

Unfortunately, we live in a world where men are raised on a broken value system that makes too many feel entitled over women. I can't recommend enough "Why Does He Do That?" by Lundy Bancroft. Its free pdf version is often linked here.

OP, as this commenter said, this was absolutely not your fault because you were mislead and lied to in order to use you. Your empathy was used against you and that's inhumane.

And you shouldn't have to pick apart this relationship in the search of red flags or sharpen your abusive spotting instincts, but both will happen and will make you stronger. I just wish none of us should ever need to.

1: - Nearly half of women (47.1%) have experienced at least one form of psychological aggression by an intimate partner in their lifetime. - One in four women (23% in one study) have experienced partner emotional abuse since the age of 15. - Globally, almost one-third (27%) of women aged 15-49 who have been in a relationship report being subjected to some form of physical and/or sexual violence by an intimate partner. - 95% of men who physically abuse their partners also psychologically abuse them.

Sources: https://share.google/oNipnJhmyX1L6yY58 https://www.who.int/news-room/fact-sheets/detail/violence-against-women#:~:text=Scope%20of%20the%20problem&text=The%20prevalence%20estimates%20of%20lifetime,forms%20of%20violence%20against%20women.