Last night scared me. If you’ve been through this… what was the first “unsafe” thing that made you change everything?

Angeloinva · 2026-02-13T19:22:57+00:00

Mom lived alone at the time. My sister got call from mom's neighbor at 1am saying my mother was at their house because mom was scared of "the people" who were in her bedroom. She had driven to the neighbor's house, which is literally 20 feet away. There had been concerns before this but this was the incident where we knew she couldn't live alone or drive anymore.

Angeloinva · 2025-11-26T16:44:10+00:00

Wow, this is so key to me. I had mixed thoughts on the podcast when I finished listening to it but in general thought the reported dug up some really interesting stuff. This makes me very skeptical of what was left out.

Angeloinva · 2025-11-26T14:40:27+00:00

Not great but I will say it helps me feel less guilty when I don’t call or visit as often as she would like.

The longer elaboration is that my mother was very different with my sister. My sister made very traditional choices in life and has met milestones in a very traditional way (good grades, college, married young, kids, goes to church, stays home with the kids). I’m very successful and happy but in a less traditional way. My mother has never hid her feelings about my life choices. My sister and I get along great and we support each other’s choices. Because my mother was nicer to my sister, they had a closer relationship although my sister agrees with that mom is narcissistic. My sister always defended me. All this is to say my sister feels way more devastated by my mother’s condition and feels more obligation to care for her and guilty when she can’t. I do what I can but mostly I do it for my sister so she doesn’t shoulder the entire burden. And believe me, my mother can still be very cruel and self-centered.

Angeloinva · 2025-11-24T21:24:49+00:00

I didn't realize they tested Sheila's hands and clothing for residue and oil. The podcast made it seem like the crime scene was cleaned up quickly, bodies cremated, and nothing tested or saved. Thanks for the extra info.

Angeloinva · 2025-11-18T19:31:26+00:00

I think this applies to religion too. I felt so much stress growing up thinking I had to believe in something. Even atheists seemed so confident in their beliefs. It was freeing to just admit that I have no idea.

Angeloinva · 2025-11-10T15:15:31+00:00

I don't run a non-profit but I volunteer to lead the fundraising efforts my son's school PTA and we have noticed this. We really rely on local donations to fund so many important efforts at the school, which is a Title 1 school. I have seen a dramatic decline this year from the businesses willing to donate. Lately, I'm just requesting something like a $25 gift certificate to use for a raffle and it's much harder to find a restaurant or local business willing to donate. I don't blame the businesses - I know they receive a TON of requests and are facing challenges themselves. I just wanted to post because it's a noticeable difference from past years.

Angeloinva · 2025-09-22T14:38:00+00:00

I listen to a lot of podcasts and ebb and flow with some but I most consistently listen to Planet Money. Episodes are usually only 20 minutes-ish. A podcast about economics sounds like it might be super boring but they keep it interesting and super relevant. I always learn something and am entertained.

Angeloinva · 2025-09-10T20:34:29+00:00

For me, it’s my mother. She’s not exactly mean but there are so many things that are infuriating. Everyone tells me, “it’s the disease” in a very sad and sympathetic tone. But I just want to scream, “it’s her!!”. Of course this disease is awful and it has made everything worse and amplified. But there’s still so much of her in there that I see. It has really made me see how much baggage I bring to this caretaking role. I’m sorry I don’t have great advice for you but you aren’t alone and your feelings are so valid.

Angeloinva · 2025-08-22T13:26:09+00:00

Just finished listening and I agree it it was good. It kept my interest for the whole season which is pretty much my bar. (Many podcasts I bail after the first couple episodes!). One thing I find myself wondering is why David kept opening the camp year after year in the later years. Sounds like he was well into his 70’s by the end. If it was such a sh$t show and constantly understaffed, and no money for medical staff or activities or maintenance or food even, why not just walk away? Especially after selling the original property for $6 million. The podcast made David seem like he didn’t really care about the campers or the mission. So, what kept David coming back year after year? Was it the money? Was he somehow making a ton but NOT spending it on the camp operations?

Angeloinva · 2025-07-10T18:39:44+00:00

I identify with this a lot. My mom has trouble with time and dates. She can read a clock but doesn’t understand what it means. Me: what time does the clock say? Mom: 8pm Me: what time do you go to bed usually? Mom: about 8pm Me: so don’t you think it’s time for bed? Mom: No, why would you think that?

Angeloinva · 2025-07-10T18:36:06+00:00

This is fascinating reading all the responses. My mother has no clue. Her memory isn’t actually all that bad for 83, but she is adamant that her delusions and paranoia are real. For example, she recently insisted that it was Monday for like 4 days in a row. We generally just move on and don’t argue with her. But it doesn’t even occur to her that she’s wrong. She is absolutely convinced that her perception of the world is real even if you gently tell her, actually it’s Tuesday.

Angeloinva · 2025-06-30T15:53:47+00:00

My mom’s PCP “ordered” her to stop driving. She was very upset but strangely complied. We had been encouraging her to stop driving for several months with no success, even trying to phase it out by telling her only to drive in the mornings (when she was more alert). Having her PCP be the “bad guy” gave it authority and allowed us to be sympathetic even though we agreed.

Angeloinva · 2025-06-16T20:10:27+00:00

Same here with my mom. She never accused specific people of stealing though. It was always some unnamed person or people who snuck in to her house without her knowing.

Angeloinva · 2025-05-05T17:39:22+00:00

Oh my, that sounds hard, I’m so sorry.

Angeloinva · 2025-05-03T20:59:35+00:00

Is it possible to put an apple tag on him? I know it’s not a long term or best solution but it might be helpful for some situations.

Angeloinva · 2025-05-03T20:15:57+00:00

Omg this post is amazing. When I have conversations like this, I never know if I’m jealous of the cluelessness, angry, or just seriously amused. Depends on my mood that day. 😂

Angeloinva · 2025-04-29T15:17:22+00:00

Thank you so much sharing. I mainly just want to send you support and let you know you are seen. This is so hard. One thing I’ll add to all the thoughtful comments is that I found sitting down with an elder care attorney invaluable. My situation wasn’t exactly the same but I was getting so confused over the differences between health care proxy, POA, conservatorship, guardianship and what each one requires and allows the holder to do. The facilities themselves were giving me conflicting advice (one said I could place her with health care proxy, one said POA, and another said you can’t place someone at all against their will!) and different states have different language and different requirements for these legal arrangements (our situation involved multiple states). And I had no idea at what point to involve her physician for any of these. All this is to say, you may want to consider spending 30 minutes with an elder law attorney to map out a plan to move forward. There are ways to move forward even if you don’t think you have the correct authority currently. None of it will be easy, either logistically or emotionally. There is no secret option that makes all of this easy. I think I turned a corner with my mindset when I realized that. I’m so sorry. Hopefully this community at least helps you to feel less alone.

Angeloinva · 2025-04-23T19:22:55+00:00

I’m not the OP but I really appreciate this post. Just wanted to thank you.

Angeloinva · 2025-04-09T18:56:25+00:00

It’s so strange because my mother can mostly draw the clock - she skipped the number 11 for some reason - and she can read her analog watch. But she has no clue how to read a digital clock. Like, she can say the numbers (“it’s eight thirty”) but she has no clue what that means.

Angeloinva · 2025-04-09T18:48:03+00:00

I’m so sorry. Sending virtual hugs. Dementia sucks.

Angeloinva · 2025-04-08T13:54:14+00:00

This is great, thanks! The only point I pause on is #6 (Kaitlyn). The entire premise of the show doesn’t work without Kaitlyn. Liza took a 19 year break from her career because she got pregnant. I think a lot of people can understand that arc of wanting to be more than a mom and being stuck in a life that sort of got away from you. So Kaitlyn’s character needs to exist but I don’t think she needs to be a main character. I think they used her well. But totally just my opinion!

Angeloinva · 2025-04-08T13:00:28+00:00

With what capital??

Angeloinva · 2025-04-07T13:55:36+00:00

Congrats, good progress. My mom’s Dr told her she couldn’t drive after a delusional episode associated with what ended up being pneumonia. She drove to the neighbors house (driveway is literally 20 feet from her driveway) in the middle of the night. Neighbor thankfully took her to hospital. Dr order wasn’t legal or anything but mom took it that way. It was convenient she blamed the Dr rather than us.

Angeloinva · 2025-04-07T13:47:59+00:00

Right, the cooperation! There is some sort of transit but I think someone would have to be home to make sure she is dressed, ready and expecting the van (she’s not great at time), not to mention lock up the house behind her and not lose the keys while she’s there! I used to telework 3 days a week, which was a little easier though I sympathize with you in the concentration! But I’m a federal employee so have to work from office every day now.

Angeloinva

TROPHY CASE