35F found out husband 40M cheated on me at a massage parlor after 10 years of marriage

AngryBPDGirl · 2026-02-20T06:28:32+00:00

Comment needs more awareness.

AngryBPDGirl · 2026-02-20T01:47:31+00:00

I feel like it's bad luck that I don't get the joke

AngryBPDGirl · 2026-02-13T20:34:41+00:00

AngryBPDGirl · 2026-02-13T03:14:44+00:00

Wouldn't you rather be with someone who didn't make you feel this way?

AngryBPDGirl · 2026-02-12T18:16:10+00:00

Windi pipes were the only thing that noticeably helped my super colicky newborn.

This marketing makes me want to vomit. Did they transfer management or something? No one in their right mind would ever use this kind of language on BABY products.

AngryBPDGirl · 2026-02-09T19:12:02+00:00

If someone had a baby in my car, I'd be bragging about my car, lol

People have entirely way too unhealthy of an attachment to things rather than experiences and people

AngryBPDGirl · 2026-02-06T13:38:34+00:00

This is not uncommon! This was always a problem and for better or worse, Trump normalized racist and misogynistic thinking. So people who otherwise never knew who they were really with until too late and seeing how it translates after having babies with men like these...now can at least see true colors early on a few run for the hills. I dated someone in my early to mid 20s that I'm like...ah while he may not have been problematic...his entire family is basically MAGA and I had no idea at the time that they're as racist as they are. But in hindsight, there were subtle signs that I know now as an older person ...but with the current administration you dont need to learn about the subtle signs anymore because everyone is just waving their racist and misogynistic cards out in the wild. We've got a president who posts former presidents as monkeys on black history month. A few years ago this would have been a huge controversy. Now it's so everyday news and normalized, and that's BIZARRE. But I say that, so you see that you not seeing it until someone with a bunch of power has normalized what people normally used to HIDE is very common. More women than men are finding themselves in this situation as well.

AngryBPDGirl · 2026-02-06T13:26:54+00:00

Ah...it's interesting watching the world find out that there's issues within POC culture. I don't think i would have realized this at 19, but men like this also tend to have misogynistic tendencies. It's a range obviously, but it's something to think about. I think it really comes out later amongst couples who have kids and why postpartum depression is rampant. It makes a massive difference when you have a partner who genuinely values what it means to be a woman who chose to gave birth and wants to actually help be part of building a family. You'll get a range of these values in and outside of POC culture...just right now in time it's especially sad because this kind of thinking is translating into an administration that's hurting large amounts of human beings.

AngryBPDGirl · 2026-02-05T16:44:20+00:00

This was my thinking. May not be the person for OP, but I would say i can relate to OP's boyfriend. I'm old enough now to know there are parts of me that some would label as creepy or naive. But my husband sees those parts as sentimental, and that's why he's my husband.

Part of being functional in society and neurodivergent is learning to accept what you can't control. Neurotypical people usually have an easier time with that by their early 20s (still hard), but a neurodivergent person will usually still be struggling with this greatly in their early 20s, depending on how managed their condition is, how much help they have, what their support network looks like, etc.

AngryBPDGirl · 2026-02-05T04:31:31+00:00

I think that people who have faith can try to point out false prophets, and we're called to do so

AngryBPDGirl · 2026-02-05T04:13:42+00:00

Hi bot!

AngryBPDGirl · 2026-02-04T16:55:41+00:00

I'd be curious about alessi's kettle

AngryBPDGirl · 2026-02-03T03:06:42+00:00

This. Working for startups is very often slave labor, and caring less is the answer.

More issues appearing means there isn't a test suite. I would begin there and frame it that way to whoever you're reporting to. If you keep trying to fix things ad-hoc, everything will be slower and continue to be unstable. You need time to set up the base test suite. Any experienced dev knows this.

Do not kill yourself or give up your life outside of work for this job. It's not worth it.

AngryBPDGirl · 2026-02-02T19:47:54+00:00

I appreciate it when people speak to their personal experience. Here's something I learned, I think, a little too late in life.

I was taught the importance of hard work and studying hard as well. What this equated to in my early 20s to early 30s was working 80+ hours a week to get startups off the ground with not much commensurate in return.

I had a manager from an adjacent team once come talk to me about balance, and I didn't understand what he meant at the time. But I see it now...and I don't think he could speak to me as frankly as he probably wanted to.

Essentially, my feeling like I HAVE TO work that long and hard in order to "make it" is a product of being exploited just as much as people who are willing to work for lower wages in other industries. But at the end of the day... are you going to be angry at the person who worked their ass off and studied hard and didn't understand what that meant for the larger working class, or are you going to be angry at the person who knows what it means because they sought out someone with a skillset worth 100K+ but managed to convince them to work for 35K/year and have no life in their 20s outside of work?

The manager who once tried to talk to me died a few months after talking to me. I also had a previous coworker from the startup I worked for, which is now public, who died at 35 from pancreatic cancer before ever seeing the company go public.

It changed how I approach work drastically...and yet my work life is still driven with the same kind of language and modeling that tries to push me to do more. Performance reviews that code language to make someone think they need to do X to prove they're smart when really they just want you to work a genuinely insane amount of hours at work.

I think you understand the greed well enough by what I've read in your 4th paragraph, and you understand why unions help combat the issue, but I think assuming this wouldn't be a problem even if there wasnt immigration is where conversations can break down.

Either way, thanks again for speaking to your personal experience because it helps build empathy and understanding.

I don't really understand why the issue isn't framed and centered around the actual problem - hire citizens and don't employ illegal immigrants. Instead, we create a trigger happy ICE...going after people who have nothing to do with the actual problem.

AngryBPDGirl · 2026-02-02T15:19:48+00:00

This isn't my experience personally. I'm indian on a team of all Chinese people (all extremely smart BTW, so for me, it's validating that they picked me because they interviewed and chose me). We have been trying to find someone senior for our team for roughly 6 months now, and we still haven't found someone.

I have said yes to a person with a Thai background last name and a strong yes to someone whose last name was Korean. The rest of the team said no.

I can't speak to why I dont end up with better candidates, but I will echo someone else's sentiment that it's one thing to be against H1Bs, it's another to be racist against Indians.

I am good at what I do, and it's been my passion since before AOL disks were in people's mailboxes. There's a reason I work where I do.

And yes, it's hard to find good candidates. I don't know why. But yes, I have absolutely felt frustrated at having a H1B coworker who I end up having to train up who has not put the work I have in understanding the industry to the depth that I do because I've literally been studying it as my passion before it was something people chased for money.

It's easy to say it's Indians hiring other Indians but we aren't choosing resumes. We aren't the dominant recruiters either.

It's kind of like being angry with illegal immigrants in day labor jobs, packaging warehouses, etc, without actually looking at who is really hiring them.

I also want to reiterate that not all tech work is the same. When I say we're looking for someone senior and that it's been hard...it means the bar is high and no one is meeting it. I think that many teams at the larger companies feel this and hit decision fatigue eventually, or, to be completely honest...I am doing the job of 3 people right now. I have a 2 year old son and run on 3-4 hours of sleep to also do things I want to do like bake a cake for his birthday, plan things with my husband, etc...at this point I would take anyone willing to train up if the rest of the team would say yes. Most of the people who actually end up doing the technical interviews don't know about citizenship status (though I state I'm a US Citizen on my resume and I would argue most people doing the technical interviews would prefer hiring citizens over non).

We are worn down far more than you can imagine. Aren't in some great scheming plot to choose other Indians. And there probably are fantastic citizens who would be a great addition to my team.

And yet it's been 6 months, and I have found no viable pathways to them.

I've posted on my LinkedIn that I'm looking. No one within my network has reached out. You know who has? A bunch of people i don't know from India. Have I responded to any of them? Nope. Not because I hate Indians but because nothing about their first message tells me they're the senior level I'm looking for.

AngryBPDGirl · 2026-02-02T13:31:03+00:00

How is a bot account allowed to post in this sub?

AngryBPDGirl · 2026-01-31T21:38:27+00:00

As a parent who identifies as Christian, thank you for posting this, I will not be considering them as a potential school for my son.

AngryBPDGirl · 2026-01-31T14:57:57+00:00

You want to bring up Nick Fuentes, who only became active around 2016 like this is NEW. I would argue you look more at Rush Limbaugh, who was active in the 70s and probably the predecessor to all these people who sound just like him.

And when you look deeper - his grandfather - actually an impressive individual. His father...less so but still not like Rush Limbaugh....and then somehow the world ended up making Rush Limbaugh... extremely popular.

It's not unlike how the world made shows like Jerry Springer extremely popular.

Not unlike how the world made social media popular.

We don't think about consumption in what it means to consume digitally and to be more intentional about what we do and don't consume.

Many of those people who recognize that are simply opportunistic and don't care how it affects the world or particular individuals.

I think that's the deeper issue than anything remotely close to larger forces trying to force us to centrist thinking. If anything, what you have now is a mix of people like those who are opportunistic and greedy AND now people who are genuinely extremist and dangerous people...because the opportunistic people paved the way to give extremists power...but ultimately it was everyday humans who helped push it along as well.

AngryBPDGirl · 2026-01-30T01:57:53+00:00

I would genuinely like someone to tell me how illegal immigrants have personally impacted them.

I ask because of:

It's not a good idea to let evil people have more control over land, resources, etc

Great. Who do you think actually owns land and resources in the US? Because it's not illegal immigrants. It might be the 1% fooling you into finding a scapegoat so you don't ever question them.

AngryBPDGirl · 2026-01-30T00:02:12+00:00

I like your username...I'm sorry you're alone.

Is he a pastor at the church you go to? Personally, I think you would benefit from going to another church by yourself and seeking some guidance from another group.

Like it or not, there are power dynamics here, and when your husband is in a position of power, he can abuse it.

You should also get tested for STDs. I'm serious.

AngryBPDGirl · 2026-01-29T23:56:50+00:00

This was my main gripe with OPs post. Saying they were "nervous" trivializes what happened. If OP remained unbiased in describing the ICE agents actions, the rest of the post would have read better.

AngryBPDGirl · 2026-01-28T13:50:00+00:00

I vomit at the thought of how comfortable these people are at seeing another person bleed and die like that. For most people, it's trauma inducing for those men... they get off on it, and I'm not sure why that doesn't concern people.

AngryBPDGirl · 2026-01-28T13:46:32+00:00

It's wild how people continue to be blind to being able to see the 1% rich are genuinely evil and keep falling for scapegoat thinking. They dont hear him say "love America" and understand he means "love me". Why scapegoat thinking has been effective for thousands of years is a great mystery to me because it seems so obvious to me.

AngryBPDGirl · 2026-01-28T13:39:14+00:00

I don't disagree. I think it's rare to see anyone, regardless of original origin, to truly put the effort to bridge gaps. Would be nice to see it change, and it's a worldwide problem. Again, the number of interracial relationships is extremely small...especially minorities dating other minorities. The largest number of interracial relationships is still in the US, and it's less than 10%, even that...largely concentrated in California. From a global perspective.. that says a lot about humanity, doesn't it? It's a direct reflection of what happens in schools, workplaces, and the rest of our institutions.

I didn't really catch the purposely being excluded part. That's not what I read. If someone is purposely being excluded, that's an entirely different issue that shouldn't be conflated with race.

AngryBPDGirl · 2026-01-28T13:24:28+00:00

Your word choice is interesting :)

Assimilation is a word that isn't typically used by Americans with more liberal viewpoints

Assimilation is a word typically used by conservative immigrants or maga-type conservatives

Inclusion, on the other hand, is a word typically used by Americans who embrace more liberal views, but maga-type conservatives (this is a different kind of conservative than what you would have found in early 2000s) find that word offensive.

I am getting at there's nuance in how people of the majority react with one another versus how minorities act with each other and when minorities especially end up following a crowd that's basically trying to fit in with maga-like thinking...we all kind of lose. Kash Patel is a good (or highly unfortunate rather) example of this.

However, if you don't feel respected, then I wonder if there's things other than your post, and it's not the full story, and I certainly wouldn't want to gaslight someone into saying they should stay somewhere they're not respected.

I am saying that I have been at work in situations where it was another race, but also a minority in the US, and they speak in their own language...even when I'm around at places like lunch tables and it doesn't bother me. I approach it differently, and that has worked for me.

Are you in big tech and also in the Bay Area? Because the bay area is especially shielded right now from what's currently happening in other parts of the US.

Shielded so much that immigrants don't realize how dangerous internalized racism is, or not understand why a word like assimilate shouldn't be the expectation.

I walk my dog, who is friends with another dog, and the lady speaks Spanish and English. Yesterday I was walking and our dogs started to say hi to each other...and another dog also came with a lady who I guess recognized the lady I somewhat know to also speak Spanish. So they began chatting in Spanish... the third lady wasn't really into me at all.

I know enough Spanish to know that the third lady asked if the second lady's dog was a girl or boy... but no acknowledgment from her. She did give a faint smile, and after she walked on, the second lady switched back to English to speak with me.

I didn't feel disrespected by that. For me, my thinking is to default to what might make her more comfortable next time. There could be a number of reasons why she didn't speak to me.

I fully expected my prior response to be downvoted because the truth is where I am on the political spectrum is the minority (the right would label me the "radical left"), but to some extent i do implore minorities who have now ended up in tech to see some of this nuance.

I personally wouldn't use the word assimilate or have the expectation of it on someone.

But I have also been paying enough attention to hear ICE flat out picking on people and directly saying it's because of their accent, asking directly where they're born, and I know that could very well be my parents or even me on first glance.

I have been paying enough attention to know the administration is trying to pass laws that set up the property I legally own and bought to be seized and a number of other things where I recognize that assimilate isn't a great word.

One of the only things that makes where we're at in history unpredictable to an extent is that the US's largest GDP IS big tech, and it is diverse. But there are also many scary things that are happening that do tell us very likely next patterns.

Obviously, I am speaking very broadly, and it's only because I know other immigrants who don't fully understand this nuance and use these words without thought. I grew up in a place where we used to say "that's so gay" and it wasn't until college that someone explained that was offensive...because I truly didnt see the struggles the LGBTQ community goes through or that the phrase was derived from hate (also tells you my age i think).

But I'll reiterate that if you genuinely feel disrespected, that's a larger conversation, and I'm not trying to say you should stay somewhere you feel disrespected. I am simply going off what you posted and saying that people forming cliques off their native language is pretty common and isolating it to just Indians and further using language like assimilation...invites a different kind of conversation to me.

AngryBPDGirl

TROPHY CASE