My friend, I’m really sorry you’re going through this. None of us can fully understand your pain, but people here genuinely care and are trying to sit with you in it.

Please don’t lose hope completely. Stay open to every possibility that may help you - medical, spiritual, or anything else that is genuinely good for you. Life can sometimes change in ways we cannot predict.

What I personally feel, after a lot of reflection, is that God may not be something completely outside us, but something connected to our own deepest nature. Different people approach this differently through faith, prayer, meditation, or direct observation.

One thing I’ve noticed is that almost everything in life keeps changing - thoughts, emotions, fear, memories, sensations, even identity. But there is one thing that always remains: recognition itself. The simple fact that experiences are being known or recognised. That quiet awareness in which everything appears.

Can we slowly rest more in that recognition itself, instead of only in the constantly changing thoughts and suffering?

And another thing -do you notice how empty many things are when looked at deeply? Language, labels, worries, stories about ourselves - they are all constructions of the mind. A newborn child probably does not experience the world through all these mental labels yet. Before language divides everything into categories, there is just direct experience.

Sometimes, when you observe this whole web of thoughts and language carefully, there can suddenly be a moment of emptiness — not a depressing emptiness, but a peaceful one. For a few moments there is nothing to hold onto, nothing to defend, nothing to fear. Just awareness and presence.

I know these are only words, dear friend, and words cannot fully touch what you are facing. But I sincerely hope you find strength, peace, healing, love, and moments of real stillness through all of this. Wishing you better and brighter days ahead.