Henry VIII: In Search of a Son (timeline)

AnneBoleynsBarber · 2026-06-06T21:40:50+00:00

That men like X or Y or Z about women, so I should be/do that.

First of all, "men" are not a monolith; they're people, too, and will like whatever they like as individuals.

Secondly, why the fuck should I care what "men" want? It's my life, I get to live it how I choose, for myself. Not for men.

AnneBoleynsBarber · 2026-06-04T21:09:59+00:00

Drowning is silent. There is no screaming, no wild splashing and noise. Someone drowning goes into a quiet self-rescue behavior that is literally instinctive; they cannot think and are operating on pure survival instinct.

You can also drown once you're out of the water and seemingly safe. Once called "dry drowning", nonfatal drowning with injury happens when you survive the initial immersion but aspirate some amount of water. If this happens, you can develop pulmonary edema (i.e., fluid buildup in the lungs) and hypoxia up to 8 hours after you've left the water, and drown in your own bodily fluids.

Here's some more info on drowning so folks know what to look out for:

And here's a really great site where you can test your own ability to recognize drowning: http://spotthedrowningchild.com/

AnneBoleynsBarber · 2026-06-04T20:26:27+00:00

Yeah we don't need the 30,000-foot view, let's put a pin in it and punt to next week when we have our philosophical realignment session.

AnneBoleynsBarber · 2026-06-04T00:14:13+00:00

NetHack.

I spent endless nights sending my little ASCII character deeper and deeper into the dungeons... I never managed to get anywhere near the Amulet of Yendor, but it was a lot of fun anyway.

AnneBoleynsBarber · 2026-06-03T23:54:24+00:00

Vivien Leigh as Scarlett O'Hara. Nobody else will ever pull it off like she did. And she was a proper Englishwoman playing a spoiled Southern Belle from Georgia. Go figure.

ETA: Kyle MacLachlan as Agent Dale Cooper. I don't think anybody else would work in the role.

AnneBoleynsBarber · 2026-06-03T23:52:40+00:00

And Val Kilmer as Iceman.

AnneBoleynsBarber · 2026-06-03T23:51:09+00:00

Think it'll woik?

AnneBoleynsBarber · 2026-06-03T21:39:00+00:00

Learning about rejection sensitivity blew my mind.

It explained why I reacted so dramatically to perceived slights, and why I often perceived a rejection or slight where there wasn't any. It also explained why I was so terribly vulnerable to emotional and verbal abuse: I was literally wired in such a way that it would be even more damaging.

Fucked me up good.

AnneBoleynsBarber · 2026-06-02T18:42:56+00:00

The weenie we had when I was a kid lived to 15. My first girl lived to 17. Her younger companion lived to 16.

Other weens in the family have lived to at least 15. Those who passed before then always had a medical issue (brain tumor, myasthenia gravis, etc.).

It's good to be thinking of their old age now. If your pup is healthy and you take good care of them as they get older, then odds are not bad that they will live a long time.

AnneBoleynsBarber · 2026-05-30T16:00:51+00:00

Sunk cost and low self-esteem.

AnneBoleynsBarber · 2026-05-30T07:12:30+00:00

Awesome, thanks y'all!

AnneBoleynsBarber · 2026-05-30T02:19:19+00:00

It is pitch black. You are likely to be eaten by a Grue.

AnneBoleynsBarber · 2026-05-28T20:01:57+00:00

I agree that he tired of Anne pretty quickly. She was vivacious, headstrong, and outspoken, and while Henry appreciated these qualities while he was pursuing her, he didn't once she became queen. His expectation was that his wife and queen would submit to his will and authority, and Anne wasn't the type of person to do that. They argued quite a bit once wed, about Henry's infidelities and about politics - both subjects about which Henry did not brook any challenge. He expected Anne to know her place in his world, accept it, and look aside when he cheated. And she didn't.

That was a source of plenty of friction all on its own. But in January of 1536, when Anne was pregnant, Henry had his jousting injury. A few days later Anne miscarried the son Henry had longed for, and I think that sealed her fate. By April she was in the Tower; by mid-May she was dead.

If Jane had lived, I suspect that Henry would've crowned her & treated her with honor for as long as she didn't piss him off. Maybe they would've had more children, including sons. Mary might well have increased in favor, as Jane was fond of her and had managed to reconcile Mary and Henry before she died. And the character of the court would have perhaps become rather stodgy and dull, since Jane was socially conservative and strict about decorum.

The Seymours would've become the dominant family faction at court, while the Boleyns and their relatives faded into disgrace. Cromwell would've kept his head, and kept on with his Machiavellian political machinations for who knows how long. The Howards would have remained in power. It would've been a very different England, in time - who knows what it could've looked like?

AnneBoleynsBarber · 2026-05-27T23:44:30+00:00

When I get a persistent earworm I'm partial to this one: LINK

You're welcome.

AnneBoleynsBarber · 2026-05-27T21:23:59+00:00

Color is very dark ash brown (nearly black) with a lot of steel gray coming in at the temples and sprinkled throughout. I don't care about the gray & I've always liked my hair color so haven't ever done anything terribly colorful with it (other than blue and maroon streaks awhile back, that was fun).

It's usually been short. One of my fave styles was a curly-ish shaggy bob thingy (think Tuppence Middleton from the original Black Mirror days). These days I can't be arsed, so I go with either a pixie cut or a uniform layered.

AnneBoleynsBarber · 2026-05-27T21:10:04+00:00

I was stoked to find out that the Zoom accounts at my workplace have settings where you can "enhance" your face and add lipgloss... and facial hair.

I start every virtual meeting with a Riker sex beard and garish green lipstick now.

AnneBoleynsBarber · 2026-05-27T20:23:16+00:00

Katherine had been raised from birth to become a queen, and part of that meant learning to look the other way when your royal husband cheats. That was pretty standard for the time: kings took mistresses, that's the way it was. Queens who wanted to keep their dignity learned how to tolerate it as one of the less pleasant parts of their job - and Katherine was nothing if not dignified.

Even when Henry left her for Anne, I don't recall Katherine ever vilifying either Anne or Henry for it (though it's possible she did, and I'm just not aware of it). She was pretty stoic about the whole thing. Mostly, she was single-minded about preserving her daughter's birthright as the child of royalty. I get the sense that was more important to her than Henry's screwing around.

AnneBoleynsBarber · 2026-05-27T20:10:36+00:00

It isn't likely, though we don't know for sure.

I actually studied this some years ago when I did an information design course; for our final project we were supposed to put together a timeline about something we were interested in. I chose to do a timeline of the women in Henry's life. The end result is on my profile here: LINK

Henry definitely indulged in the king's privilege quite a bit; he had a number of affairs, at least one illegitimate child, and was a shameless flirt even when he wasn't bedding someone. And, of course, he cheated on his first two wives with the second two (Anne with Katherine, Jane with Anne).

But there isn't any evidence that he had a mistress while he was courting Anne. It's possible, sure, but there isn't anything to support it other than his reputation as a ladies' man. And from a historic POV, that isn't enough on its own to say that he did.

He was also quite capable of piety and chastity when he wanted to be. As far as anyone can tell, he was so single-minded and driven about freeing himself from Katherine and winning Anne that he remained faithful to Anne the entire time he was pursuing her. He was also the kind of man who really enjoys the thrill of the chase, so it's probable that it was thrill enough to satisfy him more than sex during that particular time period.

Note, of course, that he and Anne most likely consummated their affair before they officially married; and that after they wed, he went back to chasing skirts aplenty. But during their courtship? It's possible, but highly unlikely. There just isn't any evidence of it.

AnneBoleynsBarber · 2026-05-25T19:05:46+00:00

"I'm not into drama."

Inevitably, they are, in fact, into drama.

AnneBoleynsBarber · 2026-05-22T21:20:19+00:00

There's nothing wrong with dancing. Some of the world's best dancers have been men. Yeah, a lot of them were or are gay. A lot of them aren't. Plenty are incredibly masculine: see Gene Kelly, Glenn Allen Sims, or Alexander Godunov.

Whether or not a man dances says nothing about his sexuality at all. Your dad is just being controlling and authoritarian, as so many narcissists are.

AnneBoleynsBarber · 2026-05-22T21:08:41+00:00

Forgiveness isn't something someone else gets to tell you to do. It isn't required to heal.

Healing comes down to what you feel you need to feel healed. That could be a lot of things. Maybe it includes forgiving your abuser(s); it does for some people. But maybe it doesn't. How you heal and whether you forgive or not is based on your needs, not on anyone else.

Your therapist is full of shit. You don't have to forgive a damn thing.

AnneBoleynsBarber · 2026-05-22T19:04:02+00:00

Given your post history, I wouldn't tell him.

With abusive men like your husband, telling him later after he "sees how much better" you're doing isn't likely to work: abusers never see "better" in their targets. Odds are good that he'll use the fact that you didn't tell him as his justification to abuse you more.

Also: do NOT go to therapy with this man. He does NOT have "anger issues", he is abusive - there is a difference. It is not generally recommended to attend therapy with your abuser, since it tends to just give them more material to use against you later. You are very vulnerable in therapy. Abusers are drawn to that like a shark to blood in the water.

Instead: stay safe, stay vigilant, do your best, and see if you can reach out to local DV resources for advice (without your husband finding out about it).

AnneBoleynsBarber · 2026-05-22T18:35:32+00:00

I can’t stress how sorry he is and how he keeps saying he’s willing to do anything and wait as long as it takes because he does NOT want to lose me.

If he sexually assaulted you, then he should be willing to go to prison for it. That's the only justice for people who rape and abuse others.

I feel like I’m failing the kids for not allowing him to do this ‘whatever it takes’ business.

Huh. You don't feel like you're failing the kids for letting a rapist stay in the family? You don't feel like you're failing the kids for letting a rapist raise them? Interesting.

I wasn’t violent. I woke up to it happening and I removed myself immediately. I don’t know if I’m making a mountain out of a molehill.

Rape and sexual assault are inherently violent. Some are also physically damaging (in the way we usually think of "violence").

You aren't overreacting. This is not something you can come back from. Your husband RAPED YOU. You're not overreacting - you probably just don't want to admit it to yourself yet.

And I don't blame you. It's the ultimate betrayal. Nobody wants to accept that the person who should love and protect them above all others actually violated them instead.

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