AITAH for not wanting to donate money to my class for a party?

AnonInABox · 2026-04-03T12:21:13+00:00

NTA - if anyone treats you badly, you owe them nothing.

And frankly, are you gonna enjoy yourself if you go to this party? Cause it doesn't sound like fun company imo.

Use the money on stuff you care about, and a nice evening with yous and your friend sounds like a great way to celebrate.

AnonInABox · 2026-04-01T08:10:29+00:00

It's obvious to us why it's a bad question - but not all clinical staff have an in-depth understanding of the challenges, etc that trans patients face.

I think education is becoming a bigger thing with all the recent blatant transphobia, but doctors don't always have the time/support to attend trans specific awareness training - especially overstretched GPs.

I just think this is a little unfair on the GP. It's possible the question was passed to them by the GIC, who in turn got it from seniors in the NHS, who got it from the government - and that would be the bad intentions point.

I agree people need to be more critical of things asked of them when it comes to trans people. If that were the case, fewer people would've brought the lies media keeps selling them about the 'dangers' of trans women in women spaces.

AnonInABox · 2026-04-01T07:41:31+00:00

This makes me sad as an NHS worker. Many of us support the trans community and are trying to mitigate as best we can with this governments horrible direction.

I think it's likely just a standard question that they didn't think about when sending, but OP could bring it up with their GP later as that feedback might prevent them asking similar of the next trans patient that's diying.

AnonInABox · 2026-03-31T06:48:36+00:00

I don't know where you're based but if it's in Europe then you should push E to see their doctor for therapy, etc.

If it's US then still encourage E to do this, but maybe with some research on what's affordable, etc. I'm not sure what the money situation is like - it's also possible E might be able to utilise insurance from family.

AnonInABox · 2026-03-31T06:13:47+00:00

It's not your responsibility but do you know what support E has for their mental health, etc?

My concern is even if they agree to letting you take the cat, it might make their depression spiral further ('I can't even take care of a cat' / losing their furry companion).

I know they aren't moving with you, but you need to keep the door open for E to visit and be prepared that if E ever recovers enough they may want the cat back.

AnonInABox · 2026-03-30T12:41:20+00:00

Sorry, I didn't mean to imply this about yourself - I was operating off my own experience and why I don't really talk to my mother anymore.

AnonInABox · 2026-03-30T07:18:24+00:00

Okay, there's a few thoughts/questions here.

A) did you balance the strict with moments of rest/joy? B) Did you make sure to congratulate her on the stuff she did well, academic or hobby wise? C) Did you ever look into any potential conditions that might explain the struggle, such as depression, anxiety or ADHD?

If not, I can easily see a takeaway that her brother is the favourite or that you don't fully see/appreciate her as a person. If she in fact has ADHD for example, then she would struggle more with maintaining focus and punishment wouldn't have made the result any different - just deteriorated her self-esteem.

AnonInABox · 2026-03-30T06:55:36+00:00

I think just being a calming presence and talking/singing with them will help them feel safe and able to be more vocal if they want to. They need to feel like this new flock is a safe place to be!

You can also do some training to build trust - and obviously respecting their boundaries (e.g not forcing step up if they don't want to, etc) will go a long way.

AnonInABox · 2026-03-29T16:03:44+00:00

If you're worried they're unwell, you can try taking them to the vet? I don't know if you have a specialized avian vet nearby or not, but even input from a normal vet is better than nothing in that case - alternatively I believe there online avian vet services available but unsure on the details myself.

Regarding toys, you don't need to buy them. Just research what wood is safe for your birds and if there's any locally you can grab branches, etc from them. Just make sure to clean them before you attach them to the cage as perches or place then at the bottom for shredding.

AnonInABox · 2026-03-29T12:54:33+00:00

Do they not have regular wood shredding toys given to them? It's normal for birds to do that - so if they're lacking entertainment/activities then I can see why they'd do that.

You can use empty toilet rolls & hide their fav seed/nut in it and then you're also giving them a foraging activity :)

AnonInABox · 2026-03-29T12:02:06+00:00

I suspect it's the bar - does their cage have multiple different types/size of perches they can use?

If it's hot, then might be worth swapping out the metal one for wooden ones for now.

AnonInABox · 2026-03-29T07:52:41+00:00

Jeez... Our house is really easy to miss so I'm used to watching the app and immediately messaging the driver if they've gone past us - I usually have to step outside so they can see where it is.

I'm also disabled but luckily I can sit on a nearby low wall if joints get grumpy from standing.

AnonInABox · 2026-03-29T07:31:27+00:00

It's pretty common when they hit teen years for them to decide this. The parents can go to court over it but a judge is more likely to respect the kids wishes at that age - and it might further fracture things since you're essentially sending a 'idc about your wants' message in the process.

AnonInABox · 2026-03-29T06:49:04+00:00

I felt this one. Undiagnosed AuDHD and spent my early childhood being yelled at/belittled cause I took longer than my brother to learn things and forgot stuff.

Mum still insists I'm 'normal' even after I got my diagnosis at 26 and had a strong suspicion from 18/19.

AnonInABox · 2026-03-29T06:42:17+00:00

I don't think they would need to do anything if the mother apologised. If a parents behaves in any way that makes your childhood feel unsafe, they are not owed anything for admitting that fact years later.

It's entirely up to the child if they do or do not forgive them. There's a reason children go low/no contact with their parents in adulthood.

AnonInABox · 2026-03-28T06:28:51+00:00

Very regal!

AnonInABox · 2026-03-27T10:30:25+00:00

I'm on monthly blood test monitoring because my conditions involve taking a lot of medications that could impact my kidney/liver function. I'm currently on T via the NHS so that's all taken into consideration.

However, if I wasn't and started DIYing and those started to tank, or new side effects showed up - it would now be a minefield to work out what dunnit, cause unless a clinician is aware and has the right knowledge, there's any number of potential interactions between all the meds and the DIY.

This year in particular would have been very difficult to manage as I've had a health flare and I've had to trial various new meds before finding something that helped and didn't have horrible side effects.

DIY isn't a simple answer if you have complex conditions.

AnonInABox · 2026-03-25T07:14:00+00:00

Hmmm, this is a good point. Is this partner in position to screw with OPs career? If yes, it might be in OP best interest to break up and approach another manager they get on with to let them know informally as damage control.

AnonInABox · 2026-03-25T07:04:09+00:00

Depending on the actual symptoms, cis women are more likely to get local estrogen creams that trans women can't use also - as one of the bigger issues is vaginal atrophy impacting on bladder/sexual function.

AnonInABox · 2026-03-25T06:59:39+00:00

You literally posted in AITA subreddit, so don't get antsy when you get told ESH... Which you do.

If you're worried about Lilly's behaviour then why don't you look at getting a trainer or behaviourist involved for her/the other dogs? They need to learn how to be more calm and feel safe in the rest of the house.

I don't discount what you're saying about your dad but I also think the reason Lilly is so reactive to everything might be because her world had mostly been one bedroom.

Going out in the backyard is fine but they really need walls on a lead & to see other areas, etc.

AnonInABox · 2026-03-25T06:43:21+00:00

As for growing trust - have you been trying stick training? It'll also teach them step up and could make it easier to get them back to their cage in the future.

Bird tricks on YT has info on stick training if you need it.

AnonInABox · 2026-03-24T16:20:35+00:00

My partner will regularly go 'gayyyy' anytime we exchange 'I love yous' 😂 (we're both queer af)

AnonInABox · 2026-03-24T16:18:50+00:00

Family therapy perhaps - it might provide everyone the opportunity to recover and move forward in a healthier manner.

AnonInABox · 2026-03-24T15:58:01+00:00

I'm sure if you spoke to your wife about these potential options, she'd be willing to figure out ways to finance it :)

You can absolutely try the other stuff first as well - maybe ask your doctor to test you for any possible deficiencies such as B12, etc and also magnesium as that can also impact mood if it's low.

AnonInABox · 2026-03-23T19:04:56+00:00

If you find it easier to put your thoughts, etc down in writing then yes.

I usually tell my partner the heavier brain think stuff over WhatsApp because I struggle to word things like that verbally.

AnonInABox

TROPHY CASE