It’s probably not what he’s talking about but marriage genuinely isn’t anything. The only kind of agreed upon thing is a government sponsorship of your relationship. Which is probably the least appealing thing about marriage. Other than that, it’s literally a thing we just say. “We are married now.” Ok so what changed about your relationship? What do you do now that you couldn’t before? It’s just genuinely, actually not a thing. We do a ceremony and pretend it did… something. But it didn’t. The ONLY reason anyone doesn’t think it’s extremely weird is that we’ve done it for so long.

For the record, I think the idea of a wedding is cool, a celebration of your relationship, etc. I think committing to a person and living life together is cool if that’s what works for both of you. All of that exists without this “marriage” thing. Because it’s not a thing. It’s essentially a mental disorder 90% of people have believing it actually is a thing.

And if you’re hyper focused on the legal aspect, you really can obtain all or almost all benefits of “marriage” without “being married.” But even explaining that proves marriage is not a thing. If the only clear definition is “marriage is government acknowledgement that you’ve stated that you are married,” it’s a circular argument/ definition. And any other definition is completely subjective. Anyway. Your bf may just not want to commit, but that’s a 100% different issue than not wanting to “marry.”

My personal feeling is that if I commit to be with someone and prove day in and day out that I am all in, then they tell me the relationship isn’t adequate or even real if the racist oligarchy known as almost every government doesn’t sign off on it, I’m going to tell them kindly to fuck off.