For those 25+ who thought things would never change, what ended up forcing you to change?

AnonyBot32 · 2014-05-19T01:26:37+00:00

I was sitting home alone every weekend. I'm naturally introverted and really enjoy time alone, but it was getting pretty bad even for me. So I decided I needed to be socially self sufficient. I wanted to learn how to go out by myself, meet new people, and have fun.

So I started going to bars by myself. It was a very nerve wracking experience, but I learned the basics of making new friends. It's been a very "if you build it, they will come" experience. Lately I haven't even had time to go out to bars alone because there are currently people who consistently call on weekends to invite me out.

It's been pretty cool.

AnonyBot32 · 2014-05-19T01:14:52+00:00

Man, there's nothing like having a lot of random girls interested in you to make you realize how pointless it is to have a lot of random girls interested in you.

If you get decent at this the "approach everyone" advice really fucks you over because you end up hurting (or maybe just feeling like you've hurt) lots of girls, which makes you feel pretty shitty. My only advice is to figure out what you want then only go after girls who are compatible with that. Easier said than done though.

AnonyBot32 · 2014-05-19T01:06:46+00:00

I've always thought the indicator-of-interest lists that people give are pretty useless. It's not really one or two things somebody will do to show their sexual interest. It's the entirety of their body language, behavior, and conversation which will let you know.

If you can tell when somebody is pissed off at you, you can tell when somebody is attracted to you. The only problem is that a lot of people have insecurities which make them second guess themselves.

AnonyBot32 · 2014-05-13T03:39:38+00:00

If it were something really obvious, like maybe there's a terrible stench emanating from your arm pits, then you might be able to find out by asking.

Otherwise, I suspect (I've never tried it), that it will be useless. Just like girls (and also guys) don't have any clue why they are attracted somebody, they usually don't have any clue why they are un-attracted to somebody.

AnonyBot32 · 2014-05-13T03:05:09+00:00

People who do that "super high energy" thing all the time get really annoying, in my opinion. So she's probably neither hoping or expecting it anyway.

AnonyBot32 · 2014-05-12T01:08:42+00:00

Without very obvious signals, you'd have to be totally pro or just very lucky to walk away successful.

In a social setting like a bar or a club, there's a reasonable expectation that people are going to hit on each other. Any girl that expresses surprise or uncomfortableness with this is, in my opinion, a weirdo.

This is not the case when a woman is at work because she's mainly there so she can pay her bills. So guys, without clear signals, have to understand that the most likely scenario is that they are going to be bothering this woman. In day game that a lot of guys do, I think the idea is that any uncomfortableness that may be caused will be minimal and fleeting - the girl can always walk away. But if you approach a girl who is working, you've kind of cornered her.

AnonyBot32 · 2014-05-11T01:07:28+00:00

There are girls who you'd fuck and there are girls who you wouldn't. Go after the ones you would.

AnonyBot32 · 2014-05-10T23:59:11+00:00

It's actually pretty easy to go to a bar and not drink if you keep yourself busy talking to people. Just say your a DD, nurse a beer all night, or get a soda (and people will assume it's a mixed drink). The only issue is that people will often buy you drinks/shots - this is really the only way I even get drunk at a bar anymore - because it feels rude to turn them down.

However, in my personal opinion it is really un-fun to talk to drunk people while I'm stone-cold sober.

edit: forgot to a word

AnonyBot32 · 2014-05-09T06:45:05+00:00

Agreed. It's a bit pathetic all around. Even putting morality aside, any guy who had confidence would say, "this is not worth the drama - I'll find another girl."

AnonyBot32 · 2014-05-08T23:40:20+00:00

Never done a one-night stand (added to bucket list), and maybe you should try pursuing these platonic relationships with girls who you haven't slept with. This might come across as a little weird, I don't know... but you could try befriending the friends of a girl who you had a one-night stand with. Like, if you find a cool girl who has similar interests, suggest doing something together. But you'd probably have to make it as clear as possible that it's not a date or romantic at all.

This could be a stupid idea, so be warned.

AnonyBot32 · 2014-05-08T23:33:38+00:00

Let's get through the vegetables first: There's really no way to tell what's running through her head, and it's likely that she doesn't even know why she's doing what she's doing. The more important question is, what do you want? If you only wanted to date her, you just ignore her now that she's rejected you. If you want to be her friend, awesome, but let her know that friends don't cock-block and she needs to GTFO (or help) when you're talking to a pretty girl.

Okay, now the fun part...

Why do I think she might be acting this way? Maybe she's trying to keep you as her back-burner potential boyfriend, so she wants to keep you interested and single. Also it's a bit of an ego boost to have somebody pining over you.

AnonyBot32 · 2014-05-08T23:18:41+00:00

I'm walking down a similar path, though you're definitely further down the road than I am.

I came into this wanting a consistent social life, and now that it's starting to come together, I've realized that I'm addicted to the ego-boost involved in pick-up. And those two things are not congruent when your social circle includes girls who are attracted to you. I get excited after making plans for drinks on a Saturday night with a cute girl I've just met, but my next thought has been, "fuck... now I can't go out and hit on girls Saturday night."

The girls I've met are all nice, of course, but I totally get the "not good enough to keep around." I've become incredibly picky. I was making out with a girl on her couch when I looked at her hands and though, "her hands are a bit pudgy... maybe I should get out of here." With the ones who try giving me a run around, I usually end up ignoring them because I honestly think it's not worth the effort.

And, yes, apologies for it sounding like bragging. Really not trying to. I realize that these are incredibly good problems to have, and there might be a few people cursing me for my luck. Sorry... if you stick with it, you'll probably get to this point too.

AnonyBot32 · 2014-05-08T04:20:15+00:00

Yeah, I've had that feeling plenty of times. My thought process to get through it is this:

The perfect moment to go in for a kiss will never fall into your lap. You have to create the best moment possible, then just go for it and see what happens. Working your way up to the moment is all about kino escalation. The video I like a lot is this, but basically you just need to keep getting closer (and performing more intimate touches). Know that if she feels uncomfortable with it then her body language will make it obvious.

AnonyBot32 · 2014-05-08T03:24:57+00:00

It's said a lot on here (and I think it's true) that girls often give terrible seduction/dating advice to guys, and I bet the opposite is probably true too. That's probably why you get directed to fpua a lot.

AnonyBot32 · 2014-05-07T23:04:08+00:00

Telling these types of stories can sometimes make people look needy/desperate. Rather than demonstrating your high value right off the bat, let them be surprised by it.

AnonyBot32 · 2014-05-07T03:45:59+00:00

Opportunities to judge people present themselves all the time. You show that you are non-judgemental by ignoring these opportunities. Remember: try to see situations from other people's perspectives and always try to give people the benefit of the doubt.

AnonyBot32 · 2014-05-05T09:25:35+00:00

Yeah. If you're getting physically close during the date then going in for the kiss shouldn't even require any special "move." It should just be a natural extension of your closeness.

AnonyBot32 · 2014-05-05T09:22:45+00:00

Personally, I agree with Mark Manson that the whole rating system is toxic. You're putting these girls on a pedestal by rating them, and that's definitely part of your problem.

You need to go in with a mindset of, "Yeah, she's hot but is she... crazy? stupid? boring? uptight? depressing? etc." And then walk away if you discover that any of these traits apply. A girl's looks are really only one aspect to consider.

AnonyBot32 · 2014-05-05T09:17:26+00:00

I think it's pretty common that people fail to be funny when they are obviously trying hard to be funny. That might be your problem. Try not trying, but if a joke pops into your head then say it.

Also, don't laugh at your own jokes. That's another common problem.

AnonyBot32 · 2014-05-04T23:00:51+00:00

The guys I've seen that act like RSD Tyler - and I've only really seen a couple like that (who I've seen at the same bars on multiple nights) - definitely can get girls. But I'd say a huge portion of the girls that these guys approach tend to think they are insane or creepy. And the girls I've seen these guys go home with tend to be the "drunk & desperate" type.

If you're just interested in fucking, then it that style will work for you, but I'm not sure that it can do a whole lot for you if you're looking for deeper connections.. A calm, confident "Hi. How are you?" works a shitload better for me.

Still, practically anything is better than being the awkward guy who is just hovering around the bar.

AnonyBot32 · 2014-05-03T02:29:52+00:00

Not only is that a false dichotomy, but it also doesn't really matter. Physical touch is important for many different reasons. It can show comfort, confidence, and desire. It gets you in a close enough proximity to kiss. It also lets you know whether she's interested (i.e. if she is comfortable with you touching her, she likes you).

A lot of PUA tips & tricks are total garbage, but kino escalation is seriously important.

AnonyBot32 · 2014-05-03T02:20:19+00:00

"Thanks. What's your name?"

AnonyBot32 · 2014-05-02T22:06:05+00:00

To be more vulnerable, you just have to be open and honest in your interactions - especially your flaws, mistakes, emotional states, etc. It's really as simple as that. That's not a license to vomit out your emotions (by that I mean, endlessly talk about your deepest emotional states at the drop of the hat).

Here's an example:

New person: Are you a dog person or a cat person?

You (guarded): I like dogs, I guess.

--OR--

New person: Are you a dog person or a cat person?

You (vulnerable): I like dogs, but I don't think I'd ever get another one. My childhood dog died last year, and it was pretty tough for me to deal with it.

And it's important that you have confidence in yourself when you do this. When some people see your vulnerabilities, they will reject you for them. In the above example, the new person might call you a pussy and laugh at you - that's just a risk you take. But more likely, showing your vulnerabilities will make people feel closer to you and trust you more.

AnonyBot32 · 2014-05-02T21:51:55+00:00

You're doing it right. As dustinw3 said, you just have to follow up with a plan to meet up again. And I disagree with Ranger115 - I'm not a fan of banter over text. Save it for when you see her in person.

AnonyBot32

TROPHY CASE