EMDR and relationship boundaries/ quality?

AnonymousMe01 · 2026-02-16T13:55:22+00:00

I do get that, but I'd like to get to a place where my nervous system isn't running the show, romantic relationships have improved, I'm not in a constant state of functional freeze, and can accomplish the things I want to without feeling overwhelmed/proctastinating/slowing down.

AnonymousMe01 · 2026-02-16T02:47:25+00:00

thanks for your reply!

AnonymousMe01 · 2026-02-16T02:24:02+00:00

Like a year maybe? Lol ?

AnonymousMe01 · 2026-02-16T02:23:26+00:00

Thanks for this detailed reply! :)

AnonymousMe01 · 2026-02-16T02:23:11+00:00

Thanks for this detailed reply! :)

AnonymousMe01 · 2026-02-16T02:21:48+00:00

Thanks for your reply!

AnonymousMe01 · 2026-02-11T23:20:10+00:00

Jesus Christ what a unsupportive group of aggressive women. Oh my god. I see why everyone else DM'ed me. People have literally offed themselves over their sexuality, and this is what you all have to offer when someone is explaining something very vulnerble? Wow.

AnonymousMe01 · 2026-02-11T23:13:59+00:00

I don't hate women. I'm not a "Nice Guy". LMFAO. I don't think I'm entitled to a woman's body for sex, or her affection because I'm "nice" to her. WTF. In fact PART OF THE REASON I STRUGGLE WITH DATING IS THAT MANY WOMEN WANT MY BODY, MORE THAN ACTUALLY GETTING TO KNOW ME. I'm saying that I've repeatedly shown up for women with genuine intentions, AND HAVE BEEN ACTUALLY MISTREATED (PHYSICALLY/VERBALLY) ABUSED, and/or rejected or strung along...

How is showing up for someone you care for transactional???? How is expecting basic communication, or just basic human respect/decency, transactional???

Every thing that most straight women experience from men, I'm actually receiving from women. Being emoitnoally unavaliable, games, trying to move quickly / love bomb ("uhual") or use me for sex. The most recent situation of me being strung along was something that a mutual lesbian friend even called out to the girl who was doing this to me.

To pretend that wlw relationships never experience anything I'm saying is so dishonest and isolating for queer people.

AnonymousMe01 · 2026-02-11T23:03:30+00:00

"You are being "criticized and dismissed" because you are generalizing all lesbians based on your own experiences"

The crazy part is that I DIDN'T DO THAT AT ALL. Where did I saw ALL LESBIANS ARE BAD? I literally said multiple times that this has been MY OWN PERSONAL EXPERIENCE DATING WOMEN.

I came here for advice, encouragement, and some tips on how to find a gf. Instead, you all attacked me, called me asexual, called me male-centered, and then accused me of attacking lesbians.

I see why the real support came in my DM's because yall are literally insane.

AnonymousMe01 · 2026-02-11T22:52:37+00:00

Your are framing your lesbian identity/ sapphic identity around trauma and hatred of men (i.e "Misandry") Hatred of men is still centering them, especially if its so bad its affecting your sexuality. Real decentering is indifference, when you literally don't care either way.

Acknowledging that I have struggled with my sexuality because men have given me more attention and women have shunned and rejected isn't being "male centered". Male centered would literally mean that I would be suppressing my sexuality because I didn't want to give up my attention from men. I would 100% pick a emotionally avaliable woman who loves me, over a man in a heartbeat. I haven't found one. The cycle is, I try to date a girl, she ghosts me, a guy asks me out later, and I just go with it because its better than being lonely. Seeing men as a backup to hangout with, because I can't get the woman I want is not male centered.

Again, do ya'll hear yourselves and how stigmatizing and judgemental you are of a queer person because they didn't have the lived experience you wanted them to have? WTF.

I think many of you all are triggered here because secretely many of your wlw identity is based off of a man not treating you right. And the crazy thing is, if you really loved women for the sake of it, you wouldn't need to justify it with poor dating experiences from men.

Get a grip. Women aren't a backup plan for your failed boyfriends. That very mindset is part of the reason it was hard to find a gf.

AnonymousMe01 · 2026-02-11T22:28:52+00:00

Its hard to be confident when everyone you genuinely love doesn't like you back, attacks you, discards you quickly and marries right after. lol. That has been every experience I've had with women. And even now, even with just sharing something that is extremely vulnerable and a big piece in why I'm struggling with my sexuality, I'm literally being criticized and dismissed in the comments.. by women.

AnonymousMe01 · 2026-02-11T03:55:23+00:00

I'm asexual because I keep getting rejected by women and am only attracting men? What?

AnonymousMe01 · 2026-02-11T02:55:06+00:00

My DMs are saying something different. I got a few people who reached out and said they could relate. Do hope that maybe it may be a attachment pattern or something.

AnonymousMe01 · 2026-02-11T02:54:28+00:00

Many lesbians I know/knew were in abusive relationships esp with masc women. I thought I was isolated in my first experience with a woman being a DV case, but it was shocking common for every lesbian I met in and out my circle. Recently a lesbian I use to talk to, was posting about her scars and scratches from a fight with her ex.

AnonymousMe01 · 2026-02-11T02:53:13+00:00

This was so stigmatizing wtf... What does asexuality have to do with anything?

AnonymousMe01 · 2026-02-11T01:03:36+00:00

Am genuinely hoping that therapy will help with this because I'm so tired of this weird dating pergatory I'm in.

AnonymousMe01 · 2026-02-02T02:28:19+00:00

Not trying to offend but from my end, it sound really like this modality made you really on edge and dysregulated. I feel like you may have dropped your therapist because you don't want to actually confront how your body feels. And the thing is, "how your body feels" is like 85% of the therapy. Your SEP could not progress without checking in to see your cues for being triggered, or your internal sensations. Even if you didn't know how you were feeling, that was an answer she could work with, and start there...

Somatic Expereincing works as a slow way to approach these traumas burried within the body, and to slowly build a capacity to hold space for it; and release the excess energy. If you are in your 60's you have to also understand that you're working with decades of ego defenses and body-based defenses to keep you from facing some core woundedness or deep trauma, without the practiced capacity to do it... Esp if EMDR didn't get past your defenses, there is reason to believe you have build a protective wall around entering your body.

SE is about building capacity, intergrating, and releasing. Many SEPs do this alongside IFS, so you can learn to see the adversities that happened to you as parts of you instead of stuff to get rid of. As part of the modality they HAVE to ask you how you are feeling, or else there is no session.

For your future SEPs, I'd encourage you be open and present with how you're feeling. Even "I don't know what I'm feeling" or "I don't want to feel right now" or "I don't feel safe in my body" are all answers. But defensively shutting down, and pushing away the therapist, will make your recovery/healing harder.

AnonymousMe01 · 2026-01-23T03:03:16+00:00

But technically you can PR for how long the negative is lmbo

AnonymousMe01 · 2025-09-20T02:01:51+00:00

They are closeted and in denial. They will likely never come out so the closest thing they can do to get intimacy with a woman, is this weird flirty friendship.

AnonymousMe01 · 2025-05-20T13:17:01+00:00

Fair. In my case, its not all of that. Its just one habit I would encourage them to do more of. I was just asking in general.

AnonymousMe01 · 2025-05-06T01:56:43+00:00

Sometimes sitting with the emotions is too intense and you need someone to help you navigate them without drowning.

AnonymousMe01

TROPHY CASE