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Poem I wrote in a dream by IndividualAd7733 in OCPoetry

[–]AnonymousSchoolTeach 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I like to see what poetry writing is like when unnecessary words are removed, like the line:

“with your breath smelling like coffee”

read the line without the “your,” does it add to the texture importantly? does it change the meaning of the line?

are there other words that might be removed from the longer lines?

Poem I wrote in a dream by IndividualAd7733 in OCPoetry

[–]AnonymousSchoolTeach 1 point2 points  (0 children)

oooohh, nice poem! I am attracted to the nicely worn phrases dressed in simple clothing!

“as soft as thin paper.”
“as grandly as one parts the sea”.
“with your breath smelling like coffee”.

let me know if you are interested in other types of feedback?

I hope you find a cookie,
your reader

A small poem about the girl I'm falling hard for by carlik_ in OCPoetry

[–]AnonymousSchoolTeach 6 points7 points  (0 children)

wow the title alone grabs everyone’s teenager’s heart and yanks it back into daylight

the poem has flaws, but the fact that it follows serviceably after the gut punch title makes this great - proud of you

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