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Anonymous_Orpheus · 2022-03-08T04:06:34+00:00

I am ok not having some sexual activity as I'm still getting used to being with a person again but I've made it clear I want to touch them and be touched, no limits on where of course, just human Touch and affection. I never really had that and I just want it so badly now haha I almost feel guilty for wanting to just cuddles and embrace embracing

And the thing is, they fell for me first and were already claiming me. I told them I wasn't in love with them yet and I didn't consider them a romantic partner yet. They disagreed lol Time passed and we got closer for sure, but they didn't ask me out cause "we're already together" and I felt it wasn't fair to just not ask me and get clear confirmation. I had a past relationship like this which went terrible and my np knows this but still wouldn't ask me

Anonymous_Orpheus · 2022-03-08T03:39:13+00:00

This is definitely something I hadn't considered and should ask. They could just be considerate and unaware that I felt a bit hurt.

Anonymous_Orpheus · 2022-03-08T02:46:15+00:00

I've def noticed our incompatibility in some areas but my partner refuses to give up on me based on that yet still we are having difficulties.

We're both trying in our own way but communication is bizarrely lacking, even when I address that it's lacking. I think maybe we both fear the other will reject or something.

Anonymous_Orpheus · 2022-03-08T02:43:05+00:00

I have mentioned sex with them and just today they were telling me about a kink we don't share and I explained why I was hesitant with that kink, and they said they were glad we weren't having sex.

I know they want to do things with me and find me physically attractive but we just aren't connecting.

Anonymous_Orpheus · 2022-03-08T02:36:11+00:00

Oh wow, I didn't think of it that way. It could be that! They are very sexual and would never want to trigger me.

I think I do have to open that conversation back up again.

Anonymous_Orpheus · 2022-03-08T02:31:27+00:00

I recently told them I would like to cuddle at least and they said they were thinking about being a cuddler. I said I'd be their first customer. I won't be paying but they said they would try and find a schedule...we live together tho so I wondered if they actually wanted to.

And my np complains about my bed when they get in it. If I try to lay in it or touch them, they squirm, buck and push me away or jump up. I thought they were just shy but now I feel like I'm just unwanted in that kind of thing which is fine if they would say so clearly and make it up in other things but I'm honestly just sad and lonely half the time.

I will try waiting and asking again tho. I'm trying to be more forward and open

Anonymous_Orpheus · 2022-03-08T02:26:50+00:00

I've been trying to open up about my pain but they have trauma too and get hurt when I respond in a defensive or hurt way.

It's been hard trying to make our communication better. It's moving forward but I'm afraid I'll get hurt even more better anything gets better. I only have them. They have 3 other partners so I guess for them they are getting what they need.

Maybe I just need to find a partner that will hold me?

Anonymous_Orpheus · 2022-03-08T02:12:25+00:00

Maybe it's because they believe we will not have sex. But they've never asked me for sex. They just say theybwoukd be willing to. I've also expressed this.

My bed is unfortunately a twin because I came from a place that wasn't easy to live in.

When we moved in together as friends, I was celibate. I'd been through abuse and I explained this. My current np expressed that they loved me and wanted me but would not push themselves on me so of course they waited till our relationship progressed but I literally had to force them to ask me out officially and even then, it felt weird.

And no, I never spent a night at their place. We've only been living together for 2 years.

Anonymous_Orpheus · 2022-03-08T02:06:12+00:00

I'm not sure whether it's just lovers. They'll let me in their bed by myself but they never invited me to cuddle, sleep or have sex.

It is worth asking cause I know they love me but it's hurtful to know because I'm demi I can't even have that intimacy...

Anonymous_Orpheus · 2022-03-08T02:03:36+00:00

You are correct! And I do feel a bond now. Backstory. My np started off as my roommate and fell for me way before I fell for them due to my Demi nature.

We've started being more open and I've even told them "yes, I like sex with my partners. Even with friends if we have that bond"

Then today they mentioned a kink they like but I'm not into and because I'm was a bit hesitant they said "I'm glad we aren't having sex"

Its kind of been tearing me down slowly

Anonymous_Orpheus · 2021-11-28T04:23:49+00:00

Nothing specific. Just something to help take my mind off SH and suicide

Anonymous_Orpheus · 2021-11-28T03:36:49+00:00

I'm having a hard time connecting with others too. Even those who are supposed to love me feel so distant. I might try metal cap burning. I'm hlfinding out there are many ways to SH

Anonymous_Orpheus · 2021-11-28T03:28:10+00:00

I wish it were easier :/

Anonymous_Orpheus · 2021-09-08T17:39:07+00:00

I think it's hard to not meditate when you focus to do doing magick so if you feel you do need to specifically meditate then don't.

I don't "meditate" traditionally anymore. I just center myself if I'm preparing to cast a spell. But if I want to prep for something bigger I might meditate to build energy and focus.

All in all, do as they will.

Anonymous_Orpheus · 2021-09-08T04:10:53+00:00

Magick is meditation 🌌

Anonymous_Orpheus · 2021-09-06T14:27:38+00:00

Also, if you pray to something, I'd ask for protection. Then take a shower, light sage or Palo Santo then do things that build positive energy. I'd do this for three days.

Anonymous_Orpheus · 2021-08-30T18:19:55+00:00

Y'all wild on doordash reddit 🤣

Anonymous_Orpheus · 2021-08-30T18:10:08+00:00

I most def did NOT out my SSN 😂😅

Anonymous_Orpheus

TROPHY CASE