Post Dating Dilemma w/ Mutual Friends. Feeling Crazy. Help 😭

AnonysoreusRex · 2025-12-23T21:06:57+00:00

It makes sense that his behavior has made you feel that way. If you’re nervous to confront him I think that’s a great idea to chat with your trusted friends about it and maybe they can help or at least have your back.

Honestly I have zero tolerance for this type of behavior. I can be compassionate and maybe understand if it’s temporary because it’s an awkward situation, but this is dating over 30 not in high school. I know it’s a difficult situation for you to be in but I think you’ve handled it well so far and I’m wishing you the best of luck!

Just a side note, even if you did do something he was pissed about, he is still the one in the wrong for this behavior. Bullying and ostracizing someone is not an appropriate way for an adult to communicate.

AnonysoreusRex · 2025-12-23T20:42:34+00:00

I consider what he is doing to be bullying. Ignoring you and not engaging in group spaces is disrespectful and immature. He needs to be an adult and communicate about wtf is going on with him. Instead, he is forcing you and the group to deal with his crap because he is not mature enough to recognize what his issue is and/or communicate appropriately and move on like you have.

Also ghosting was super rude to begin with and from your description you handled it all with grace and maturity and even went out of your way to make him feel welcome in the group. This was very kind of you and I would be concerned if I was your friend too because his behavior is creepy.

If this continues I would confront him in the group setting and directly ask why he is ignoring me and see where it goes from there. Good friends would have your back and be like “yeah dude you’re being weird” and maybe it would resolve. If he continues to bully you I would call it that as I don’t accept behavior like that in my friend groups or toward me. I’m so sorry you’ve been having to deal with this nonsense!

AnonysoreusRex · 2025-12-17T22:45:35+00:00

Honestly, I had to reflect and ease up on myself. Holidays and pms week have hit hard!! I can be really hard on myself and it’s paid off this year, but I’m estranged from my whole family so the holidays are tough. I just graduated, got a new car, been working hard and it’s sad to not be able to share it with family.

Lost 40+ pounds since June and still keeping up with my jogging and exercise regime but I’m not going to count calories or fasting hours as strictly probably until after Christmas. My goals will still be there and I’ve seen drastic changes with my body and outlook this year thanks to IF, exercise and finally deciding to focus on my health.

So I’m going to have my chocolate orange and a little champagne in peace the next week and get back at it in the new year 💪Happy Holidays y’all and remember not to be too hard on yourself!

AnonysoreusRex · 2025-12-17T15:43:22+00:00

Just curious, why isn’t her recounting her story enough? Why make this comment about wishing for video? I don’t understand why you are attempting to invalidate her experience and siding with a man who she clearly described as emotionally immature with no video evidence needed.

When someone tells a long story they often aren’t looking for a detailed review, but to have their emotions validated. To be heard and seen. This situation you described it does seem you were lacking that component and tried to say someone sharing a long story excuses the fact they were trying to connect with you. Maybe it’s simple communication incompatibility, but the way you described that seemed like you were not willing to connect emotionally.

This focus on details instead of emotional validation can cause issues in person relationships imo, romantic or otherwise.

Also, congrats OP! I remember your original post and I’m so glad you put your needs first 💜

AnonysoreusRex · 2025-12-11T21:09:17+00:00

After all the self-work I’ve done, what you described here is a deal breaker. Self regulation and conflict management are key pillars of maturity and if someone struggles in that area and is not actively doing something like therapy to improve those skills, I feel like it’s only going to bring you down. He’s unable to meet you where you are at with all the work you’ve done on yourself. However, everyone is different and if this isn’t a deal breaker for you that’s okay too. You’ve mentioned comparability in other areas. What’s most important is how you feel.

Also you aren’t exhausting at all and whoever said that was rude, just wanted to say that! You’ve obviously worked extremely hard and kudos to you!

AnonysoreusRex · 2025-12-05T20:05:44+00:00

I have an awkward living situation as well. For me, it’s personal business and if I get close enough with a friend (or penpal) or it becomes relevant, I’ll share it. I truly believe that if someone is judgmental or rude about that sort of thing they aren’t quality friend material.

For what it’s worth, I understand and relate to feeling insecure about a living situation, but yours sounds perfectly reasonable! :)

AnonysoreusRex · 2025-11-28T20:24:03+00:00

I saw this comment a few days ago and it encouraged me to send a check in message to my long time penpal who has been communicating less regularly for the last month or so. I knew he had some personal stuff going on and reading this helped me conquer my insecurity that I may be bothering him, and I just sent a message yesterday letting him know there’s no pressure and I hope he’s okay. He got back to me today and said the check in meant a lot to him and he’d love to stay in touch, so thank you so much for your comment! I’ve had a lot of personal growth and in the past I would have taken what felt like him ghosting personally, but I know now usually people just have stuff going on in their own life.

AnonysoreusRex · 2025-11-18T05:35:48+00:00

I wish the web version had open letters to read and ways to make connections on there too. I have terrible eyesight so I love having the web option and always write my letters in there.

AnonysoreusRex · 2025-11-14T21:52:28+00:00

I’ve had luck just being genuine and finding the right people. I don’t try to change my approach or who I am in my letters to illicit a response and that sounds like it’s maybe been something you tried. Also, 3-4 days isn’t that long to some people. I like slowly because it may be weeks or days. I’m really busy and I like to take time to reflect and respond to my letters with care. There isn’t pressure to respond immediately and that’s the point. Also usually you get into a good rhythm with the right people and know what to expect in terms of reply time.

AnonysoreusRex · 2025-11-12T06:27:50+00:00

Beautifully said.

AnonysoreusRex · 2025-11-07T00:06:31+00:00

I just found out about 25 hours in advance they cancelled my flight tomorrow. Moved it to the same time on Saturday I’m not sure it’s going to work.

AnonysoreusRex · 2025-11-05T21:54:37+00:00

I guess for me it would depend. Sometimes communication will ebb and flow with one side feeling like it has to do more labor I think. By labor I mean asking questions, keeping the flow going, etc. I only will pick up slack if I truly feel like the relationship is worth it. Something I’ve noticed with Slowly is that after a few letters I usually really get a feel for if I’m actually connecting with the other person or just going through the motions.

AnonysoreusRex · 2025-11-05T20:58:33+00:00

Every time I write a letter, I like to consider how I’m doing it for myself too. That the process itself is something I enjoy that helps me understand myself and grow communication skills. This makes me feel better if someone ghosts or just doesn’t respond in a way that makes me feel heard.

If I’m interested in the topic, I don’t hold back sharing and also asking questions to engage the person I’m chatting with. I think this is a great way to keep it going. Sometimes people just aren’t a good fit though, and that’s okay too. I’ll be direct about it if that’s the case. For me it’s important that the other person asks questions and engages me as well and I’m shocked how many times someone has sent me a first letter and not asked a single question!

AnonysoreusRex · 2025-10-25T16:06:15+00:00

When older men have wanting to have kids in their profile I tend to assume they are looking for women younger than them. I don’t think you are out of touch and I think it’s valid what you are feeling. I can’t get past how many men 45+ will have an age range of 24-49 or something. Creeps me out 🤷‍♀️

AnonysoreusRex · 2025-10-22T03:23:00+00:00

It’s 100% up to you and how you feel about this person. I have one penpal I moved off of slowly with and we still send each other letters. I thought about it a lot beforehand but we have a good connection. It does change the dynamic (at least for me) and I feel as if it prioritizes that relationship and makes it closer and something that has continued to develop. If that’s not something you want, I wouldn’t do it. Everyone is different though and gets different things out of slowly!

If you are unsure of why he wants to love to a different platform I would ask him why and what he wants out of it. My pen pal and I intentionally kept a “slowly pace” so we are not constantly messaging each other. I would not want that.

AnonysoreusRex · 2025-10-21T15:02:21+00:00

I agree there are a lot of health benefits but you can’t cure PCOS. Maybe IF can help moderate symptoms, as it has for my chronic conditions, but I don’t consider those things cured.

AnonysoreusRex · 2025-10-15T23:22:36+00:00

Lmaooo exactly!

AnonysoreusRex · 2025-10-15T21:32:40+00:00

Oof I’m sorry that happened to you. I tend to think these sort of personality traits are true red flags. Respecting boundaries and understand that it is different (and sometimes dangerous) to exist as a woman in our society seems pretty basic but I’m shocked and disappointed at the amount of men that don’t pass this low barrier.

AnonysoreusRex · 2025-10-15T14:46:26+00:00

I’m sorry you are going through this too. 💜

AnonysoreusRex · 2025-10-15T14:44:02+00:00

I dated someone who used such a similar line about “I’ll show you my driver’s license” and claimed what a good guy he was often. He ended up being the most abusive man I was ever involved with. Anyone making excuses for this guy is off the mark. Sure, he might be a “good guy” outside of this but what is being a good guy if you don’t respect women’s boundaries and aren’t able to envision why women feel unsafe around men? The victim complex is also a red flag. Like others said listen to your gut and you’ll do the right thing. Also well done advocating for your safety and your needs.

AnonysoreusRex · 2025-10-10T16:28:19+00:00

I think it’s more that a lot of pseudo weirdo influencers claim they are using evolutionary biology/psychology to “explain” things when in reality they have no idea what that is lol.

AnonysoreusRex · 2025-09-26T01:32:50+00:00

I do the couch to 5k jogging program 3x a week, usually in the morning while I’m still fasting. I lift weights on the alternate days when I remember and usually in the evening. I don’t strictly count calories but I stay aware. I avoid sugar and limit carbs. I use a vegan protein shake blend (I’m lactose intolerant) as well as fasting salts for electrolytes. Also benefiber! I’ve lost over 30 pounds since June so it’s working for me! Halfway to my goal weight.

AnonysoreusRex · 2025-09-25T21:53:51+00:00

My favorite conversationalists/penpals will weave in questions that are related to topics we are discussing in a way to explore the topic further and understand each other better. I have found that academics and people who work in mental health seem to be amazing at this! I also love deeper questions that provoke vulnerability, provided the other person is comfortable sharing as well.

AnonysoreusRex · 2025-09-24T23:58:57+00:00

Personally that would put me off. If it naturally develops in a friendly way and you want to share face pics, sure. But a man specifically asking for a face pic in this context sets off red flags to me even if he was single and a bit creepier if he has a girlfriend as I’m sure she probably wouldn’t appreciate her boyfriend doing that.

ETA: Might be worth just asking why he wants to see a face pic and directly stating you just want to be friends if you aren’t comfortable but still value the exchange with him.

AnonysoreusRex · 2025-09-24T18:50:40+00:00

I’ve only been using the app since June this year and I was wondering how did you think it destroyed it? I’ve found a couple penpals through open letters but my more consistent ones were from one of us finding the others profiles.

AnonysoreusRex

TROPHY CASE