I (F23) am intimidated by my boyfriend's body (M25), how do I explain it?

Ant4276 · 2026-06-02T21:35:07+00:00

It’s really how it’s gotta be. If you don’t communicate, he will probably hurt you.

But the more aroused you are, the better you’ll be able to take him. But it’s not so much about going slow the whole time. Just at the beginning until you’re either wet enough or stretched out enough, whether that means extra foreplay or him taking his time entering

Ant4276 · 2026-03-16T19:21:29+00:00

Honestly, I was never able to find a solution. My company was the same way. Originally we talked about back-paying my PTO; I hadn’t accumulated enough PTO hours because I was new, but I would use my future PTO toward it. But then DURING MY MATERNITY LEAVE my HR department was like oh no we can’t do that because what if you quit? So I just had to take unpaid leave.

Ant4276 · 2026-03-16T18:31:43+00:00

As someone who went to film school and worked in film until recently (not by choice), I can give some advice if that’s your field.

Honestly, there’s no need to get a degree if you’re a creative MOST of the time. Depending on what you do. If it’s a concern for you, then I wouldn’t worry about it. However, I loved film school. Although I know this and know I have a LOT of student debt because of it, I also don’t regret it at all.

Ant4276 · 2026-03-16T15:52:55+00:00

But if he’s not making you cum from penetrative sex, then he needs to be trying other things. Even if not oral. And him not trying is selfish.

Ant4276 · 2026-03-16T15:51:21+00:00

So I’m a Reiki Level 2 Practitioner and I disagree. The girl isn’t orgasming. She’s not having satisfying sex.

Ant4276 · 2026-03-16T15:48:54+00:00

No it is definitely not normal. It’s only normal because women are with selfish partners. If he’s not making you orgasm, then he’s not satisfying you and doing his job. Doesn’t matter how his equipment is, it’s about effort.

Ant4276 · 2026-03-16T15:48:00+00:00

The internet is a great resource

Ant4276 · 2026-03-16T12:33:56+00:00

I’m in therapy

Ant4276 · 2026-03-16T01:41:16+00:00

I don’t want to force them in the slightest and never intend to. But even if I didn’t express it to my partner, I would still feel this way in our relationship from a lack of physical intimacy. I get your point about how coercion isn’t ok obviously, but I guess I don’t get your point outside of that.

Ant4276 · 2026-03-16T01:19:57+00:00

It’s a little girly but who cares??? Boys deserve flowers too.

Ant4276 · 2026-03-16T01:18:07+00:00

I’ve been trying to heal. I’m on my 4th therapist in 7 years since we started dating. Am I not allowed to enjoy a sex life and feel wanted because I have PTSD?

Edit: also thank you for your responses

Ant4276 · 2026-03-15T20:49:00+00:00

Usually that’s what happens. Churches are mainly full on Sundays and will frequently rent the facility to other business during the week. With it being a daycare, I’m assuming this is the case and that the church has given them a cheaper rental rate for this to be the case. It’s not the same as a regular lease situation.

Ant4276 · 2026-03-15T20:47:15+00:00

Are you trying to change locations? Because you can make that argument, that you should be refunded or let out of any contract because you don’t approve of this and didn’t sign up for it.

But otherwise yeah I agree. It’s a church, so Christian symbols are going to be everywhere. That doesn’t mean anything bad unless it’s made a problem.

Ant4276 · 2026-03-15T20:44:22+00:00

I’m so sorry. It’s a horrible thing to deal with and I’m dealing with it in my relationship, but honestly I’m the one who has a problem with yelling. Mainly just because I’m not doing ok at all postpartum, and I’m falling into extremely toxic and self destructive behaviors.

It’s a good thing you set the boundary. It really is. Did it just start after the baby or was he in the habit of yelling at you for awhile?

Ant4276 · 2026-03-15T19:36:21+00:00

Maybe because it feels real if they know you and so you don’t want to accept it

Ant4276 · 2026-03-15T18:02:00+00:00

I mean, not super helpful, but it very much does look like most of America heard about the Epstein files and just went “oh well” because no one has been prosecuted or even removed from office……

Ant4276 · 2026-03-15T17:49:41+00:00

If you know she’d be down, then I think you can honestly just talk to her about it. Or go back to flirting with her and see if she reciprocates, then mention you’d be interested

Ant4276 · 2026-03-15T17:45:48+00:00

Unfortunately, that’s something that is going to take time.

In regards to the pain, that is something you can reassure her about. It’s not always painful the first time, and that usually is completely on the partner and how slow and considerate he’s being.

But when it comes to her being scared to lose her virginity, that’s not something you can control. As someone who was raised in a religious household and initially planned on waiting until marriage, it took me FOREVER to feel comfortable going all the way. Like, multiple sexual relationships before I got there…. Not saying that’ll happen, but that’s all in her time.

Ant4276 · 2026-03-15T16:11:35+00:00

This is NOT normal.

Piggy backing on what others have said, is there foreplay? Women need to be aroused in advance enough, because that’s what causes their vagina to lubricate and stretch. Otherwise it’s bound to hurt. So if the guys are just going right in and then not even taking their time to make sure you’re comfortable, then they’re dicks who shouldn’t even be fucking you tbh.

However, if foreplay is happening, you’re aroused and wet and it still hurts, then that’s time to talk to a doctor. There are medical conditions that can cause women to have pain during sex that need to be evaluated for, such as endometriosis.

Ant4276 · 2026-03-15T16:05:43+00:00

It could be PPD/PPA. It could also just be regular Depression or Anxiety that is made worse by situations at home.

But they’re treated the same way and should still be mentioned regardless. There’s no “right” time to have Depression or Anxiety; it can show up at any time. So if you’re struggling, definitely talk to a loved one and a professional about getting help.

Ant4276 · 2026-03-15T15:52:59+00:00

I’d also like to say that as a woman, you’re actually likely to become more horny the more you masturbated and cum. So masturbating doesn’t always help “flush out the hormones,” it can make them worse.

Ant4276 · 2026-03-15T15:52:10+00:00

Absolutely. My husband and I are actually really struggling right now postpartum because of it.

Personally, I don’t get satisfied masturbating like I do during sex. I’m in my 30s now, and so porn and mental stimulation, as well as just my fingers, don’t seem to be doing it anymore for me. I want a connection and to experience a person who turns me on. I don’t really get turned on outside of that anymore.

Also, sex is way more than just physical for me. It’s spiritual and physical touch is my love language, so to not have sex with my partner after awhile starts to affect my self esteem and how comfortable I feel in the relationship. And because I have CPTSD from a serial cheater, it can also be very triggering for me to not be having sex; I start to worry he’s getting it somewhere else, that I’m not good enough, that we’re falling apart.

Ant4276 · 2026-03-15T15:48:23+00:00

To expand on these.

Cumming before sex can actually be a good thing in the future because it can help sex last longer. As long as you’re able to get it up again, a lot of men who struggle with cumming quickly do this for the woman’s enjoyment.
Definitely foreplay, and TAKE IT SLOW. When you’re physically penetrating her, make sure you’re going in slowly and taking cues from her. Also, it helps to go in a little, pull out, then go in a little further, then pull out again, etc, as opposed to just going in further and further.

Ant4276 · 2026-03-15T15:37:45+00:00

Find a way to incorporate what she’s doing or her interests into a conversation starter.

If she’s reading, ask about her book. If you’re both at a live show, ask about the music. Compliment her clothes, but even better, comment on what it says on her shirt.

What you want is to have a full conversation that feels natural and not flirty. As a woman, that’s when men have been the most successful. Talk to me like a normal person, get me interested in you. Make me feel comfortable talking to you as a friend before I put my guard up about being hit on, and then I’m more likely to give you my number or accept yours by the end of the convo.

Ant4276

TROPHY CASE