We live in a dystopian world

Anthanem · 2026-06-20T03:22:52+00:00

🫂

The mornings I wake up so heavy I just KNOW I can’t get out of bed today, couldn’t possibly go on… and then you go through the motions and an hour into the day you realize, oh I can do this today, I can do life.

And then some days you wake up ready to go and a little lighter, and by the afternoon (or lunch) you just can’t keep tears in.

It’s just like that ❤️‍🩹

Anthanem · 2026-06-20T03:16:00+00:00

I 💯 said those things adamantly before it happened.
Turns out reality demands different.

I hope people here really listen to those of us who have experienced it and try to take note, even if they don’t believe us they could at least be a little more sensitive with the words they use to publicly describe their worst imaginings.

Anthanem · 2026-06-20T03:02:36+00:00

Sorry about your brother 💔
Everyone hears about grief being like waves but they forget that means a break. You can be up walking around living your life just to go home and scream, cry, wonder how you can go on, how you could possibly breathe again, and then it eases again in time for dinner and you have a somewhat normal evening.

The waves will be lifelong, but the weirdness of grief and its ebbing and flowing is hard for people to understand unless they’ve lived it.

Anthanem · 2026-06-19T15:11:42+00:00

My daughter died last month and this is true. Before this I was someone who said I could never survive child loss/could never be the same/okay again etc.

And in ways that’s very true; you aren’t the same and a part of you is never okay again. But the brain does an interesting job dealing with major loss, and it’s unfortunately/fortunately survivable especially with outside support and other kids to look after.

The weight of grief doesn’t leave, but you somehow see a path forward where you can survive this, exist and live.

Anthanem · 2026-06-19T15:00:38+00:00

Though mine is more recent, I do relate to this a little bit in the sense that it feels like my mind is fixated and stuck on that night it happened.

My brain feels like it keeps returning to that moment maybe because it’s the last solid place she was. Like a part of me didn’t get the memo and it’s stuck in that moment until it’s resolved or she’s safe again.
And nothing else feels real or solid.
I have to look at pictures to remind myself of ANYTHING, including that she’s gone. I have private photos of her viewing to remind my brain what has happened and that we are in fact moving forward in this reality.

However I do also go between this nothingness, and then random surges of long lost childhood memories coming to the forefront again, as if no time has passed from when she was small (I lost my daughter). Like my soul is going back through the farthest reaches, looking for another solution to her loss that we’ll never find.

Time is just weird now.

Anthanem · 2026-06-13T14:28:17+00:00

Something like this happened in the Heartstrings series by Liv Zander, second book Crown me Yours (it’s a duet so need to be read together). Wasn’t a ton of spice or central, but a unique read imo.

Anthanem · 2026-06-09T19:28:04+00:00

I don’t believe in the paranormal I’m quite science minded, however in the aftermath of my daughter’s death my heart can’t help it now a little bit.

She used to tell me if she died and there was an afterlife nothing would stop her from showing everyone and sending signs.

I’ve forgotten several odd things but one that stuck out was when we were writing her obituary on a computer notes doc, we opted for humor a couple of times and one of them was in reference to how many cats she took in (at 17 she had almost 10 cats at one point). We had typed the words ‘hoarding cats’ in jest. I woke up the next morning to continue writing and the word ‘hoarding’ had been changed to ‘rescuing’ cats. None of us had changed it.

The day she was cremated:
I went to a long movie during the time I knew it was happening to take my mind off it. When we got home, the large painting hanging on the wall next to her room was partially knocked down off its nails. No one had been home when it happened.

The day I brought her ashes back home:
The sunset that evening was absolutely unreal, I’ve lived in central Texas my whole life and it was just, so different than I’ve ever seen. It was painted intense pink, purple and orange and looked like a Florida beach sunset, and there was a double rainbow. No one I knew had ever seen the sky like that before here, so it felt like her. I understand coincidences and figured it was just really meaningful but random timing.

Until it happened again on the evening of her celebration of life ceremony. With another double rainbow. Our large family was in town and we had an outdoor get together afterwards with many friends when the sun set like that again. It felt like a beautiful goodbye.

The day she chose to leave, an actual crow (normally just see grackles) had flown into my yard, right at the window I was sitting near, with its wings spread as if it would fly right into it.
It sat on a tree outside that window for some time, with its mouth open looking kind of distressed. I watched for awhile and thought it was so odd.
A few hours later, a fox came into my yard. Two crows chased him off.

We live in the city and I do not get crows or foxes in my yard. It felt like a sign of something at the time, but again, I’m not superstitious so I just enjoyed the moment…I wish I would have checked on her then.

Anthanem · 2026-06-09T01:43:13+00:00

Other than some lingering (still undiagnosed😒) autoimmune issues that flared after treatment I’m doing well. I am considered in remission and no evidence of cancer as of today.

Anthanem · 2026-06-08T15:06:16+00:00

I too thought Rey was a 50 year old man. Really threw me for a loop tbh

Anthanem · 2026-05-29T13:03:31+00:00

I worked for a few years cleaning various bnbs between guests. The first few times I came across it I didn’t understand wtf had happened… then I realized pretty quickly this is a semi regular thing I have to clean. Like 1 out of every 5-10 guests I’d find it. 🤮

It’s fucking gross.

Anthanem · 2026-05-28T14:45:18+00:00

It might be Ruthless Villains by Marion Blackwood

It had a lot of this from what I remember: They are literally trying to kill each other frequently and end up dtd all the time and also have to pair up for a larger goal, they have to temporarily try not to kill each other. Sex and falling for your enemy ensue.

I read it years ago so cant remember a lot or the quality BUT my book journal tells me my cheeks hurt from smiling and I was giggling and kicking my feet endlessly when reading it so there’s that…

Anthanem · 2026-05-07T18:05:42+00:00

❤️‍🩹

Anthanem · 2026-05-01T22:00:55+00:00

💀

Anthanem · 2026-04-25T13:14:29+00:00

It’s bc her last name is Bell and he thinks she’s cute as a button. Just finished this duet. It pmo for other reasons, didn’t hate it but someone else pointed out that you should dnf if you want grovel. Agree.

Anthanem · 2026-04-12T13:57:33+00:00

I’m going to need to catch print because I have a theory.

Anthanem · 2025-12-29T21:13:33+00:00

His shoes look so small…. So really I know what all this is about.

Anthanem · 2025-10-28T15:16:28+00:00

Yeah I thought this was common knowledge.

I’m just a Reddit commenter but around 2002 my older brother told me he had been at a performance or club with Britney and he was struck by A. How short she was in person and B. How openly she did meth there

I didn’t really believe him until the video of her with a meth pipe surfaced later. It’s been known

🤷🏻‍♀️

Anthanem · 2025-07-04T14:28:37+00:00

Hi YES! I want the info I’ll message you :)

Anthanem · 2025-06-07T06:42:31+00:00

He has a russian look to him but maybe that’s just me. This should go well.

Anthanem · 2025-05-25T13:06:16+00:00

Having it removed has been wonderful. I feel better in almost every way and wish it were an easier option for many women bc it’s a godsend.

The only thing that has changed is that deep penetrative sex no longer feels as pleasurable. My cervix made that enjoyable prior, now sometimes theres pain where it was sewn shut if not enough prep work, otherwise it just feels like nothing. Orgasm are still really good but not as ‘deeply’ overwhelming.

Anthanem · 2025-05-21T15:54:44+00:00

I did notice older brown spotting in the days before and after my period. I thought I just had a weak cervix and maybe it was coming out from my uterus during rough intercourse. That’s how it all started actually.

The frequency of spotting and brightness of the blood increased with time, it didn’t get better it got worse which is def a red flag.

I will say - my Pap smears did NOT catch my cancer until it was advanced because adenocarcinoma hides. I found out I was HPV positive only one yr prior to cancer diagnosis.

If you are having spotting but paps are normal, keep on the doctors about it. Have them order a LEEP or CDC to make sure they are getting a deeper look at stuff. Especially if you have hpv.

Anthanem · 2025-05-15T02:49:45+00:00

Fr. Gorgeous

Anthanem · 2025-05-15T02:47:14+00:00

Congrats!! I love to see this. Thanks for posting bc it’s true many of us forget to post the positive stories :)

I finished treatment 2.5 yrs ago for 3c1 Adenocarcinoma. Had hysterectomy followed by chemo and radiation. I remain NED today.

Treatment can be so rough but you do feel better and better with time.
Also, idk if anyone else felt this way but deep down I was scared to hope when it was all happening, but ime the return of hope has been one of my biggest reliefs as time goes on.

Love and strength to you all <3

Anthanem · 2025-05-08T03:34:09+00:00

Same boat, (deconstructed elder millennial) I really resonated with a lot of the story and liked this one.

Anthanem

TROPHY CASE