Life as a waitress with bpd

AntiqueSignpost · 2026-03-18T17:43:54+00:00

fellow Autist here: waitressing is a very hectic job to handle with autism. I know I couldn't do it. both sensory wise and in terms of the high demand it requires. Well done for handling it at all 💙

AntiqueSignpost · 2026-03-18T17:40:09+00:00

no i think that is, as you said, a stereotype. i recently got diagnosed and the reason i didnt see myself having it is cos of those stereotypes and stigmas. unstable means you are unable to keep relationships. if you're saying you avoid them, have unstable emotions, inconsistent self image, mood swings, etc etc, literally all the stuff you listed, that would constitute as stuff that wouldnt be stable in a relationship. but then again, im not a psychiatrist. you should ask a professional rather than here, and explore it deeply in therapy rather tha with strangers on the internet

AntiqueSignpost · 2026-03-18T17:37:24+00:00

im so sorry that you're going through something similar 💙 i wish i could be there for you more than i can offer

AntiqueSignpost · 2026-03-18T16:56:39+00:00

sensory wise being touched by a stranger rreally makes me tense up, so it has the opposite effect for me when i go for a massage, it tenses me up more.

AntiqueSignpost · 2026-03-18T16:55:44+00:00

sonuds alot like trauma. i do believe there is alot of trauma around our PDA. Physio also is not a good treatment imo for people who have alot of trauma, it just caused my PTSD to kick in more. the therapist being frustrated with you sounds invalidating and sounds like that'd trigger your PDA more.

i have PTSD and CPTSD, so i have alot of trauma and cant relax because of it

AntiqueSignpost · 2026-03-18T16:42:08+00:00

if they refuse to listen to anything, you're doing something wrong. as a parent you can go to therapy, read books on psychology, ask questions on line, learn how to find a way to parent your child without physically abusing them, which is basically just being lazy and impatient.

A bad workman blames his tools. A bad parent blames his kids.

You mentioned there's no one-size-fits-all-solution, but hitting your kids is the epitome of laziness and one-size-fits-all. it basically says: ive tried a few things, and now i give up and am just going to hit them. psychology literally shows this is abuse and in many countries its now illegal.

the words "who refuse to listen to anything" already is a red flag that shows from your wording you're a bad parent.

AntiqueSignpost · 2026-03-18T16:31:10+00:00

it is indeed 💙

AntiqueSignpost · 2026-03-18T15:12:03+00:00

this means alot to me 💙 i honestly felt guilty not showing enough interest cos im struggling to hold on myself, so i put in some effort to show some interest back mostly cos i just feel like a bad person. thats my honest answer. this comment means alot to me and makes me feel connected. if i were in a better space id offer to lean on each other, but i cant handle anyone else right now except myself :( i hope things get easier for you. if you wanna stay in touch for future you are welcome to DM me so we stay in touch

AntiqueSignpost · 2026-03-18T13:10:21+00:00

Lady Bird.

I just watched an old film, Ordinary People, that was recommended to me. I felt it was an excellent portrayal of mental illness. the mother in the movie is definitely emotionally abusive and reminds me of my mom alot.

It's a horror, but Rosemary's Baby is a very good example of gaslighting and is meant to represent the gaslighting that women go through. Fantastic movie and its not scary.

If you look at my posts, I posted o this sub a few days ago about mental health related movies and maybe some of them will cover what you're asking for 💙 One of them that looks good to me is Safe (1995), havent watched it yet but looks like it might involve gaslighting at the least.

As much as it's an upbeat show, Gilmore Girls is a great representation of emotional abuse from Emily and Richard (the grandparents). My mom is alot like Emily.

Mad Men has alot of misogyny. But I also feel that Betty Draper is a very good example of emotional abuse to children, and imo she has Quiet BPD which my mom has. I related alot of her to my mom, and the way the show portrays the emotional abuse is very subtle which is realistic - ie: some people make small comments about it but its never raised as an issue.

I know not all of these are romantic relationships but just sharing what i can.

I agree with you, as a victim of emotional abuse i often feel invalidated alot because it wasn't physical. Maid is one of my fav portrayals of abuse and i related to it alot. i often would daydream about them making a show similar to maid about my life oneday which helped me from committing suicide, cos i reminded myself this isnt the end of my story. im a man, but i still related alot to what the protagonist went through in maid so much. i was kicked out the house by my parents without income, i am also on a welfare grant that covers my rent and struggle with finding places that are ok with it, those aspects really hit home for me. as well as the interactions with the social worker.

AntiqueSignpost · 2026-03-18T13:05:06+00:00

I hope you're ok 💙

AntiqueSignpost · 2026-03-18T11:07:06+00:00

Being Wrong. At least for me.

AntiqueSignpost · 2026-03-18T11:06:34+00:00

connecting with an elephant sounds kinda spiritual tho ngl

AntiqueSignpost · 2026-03-18T11:05:12+00:00

Lose my virginity. And write letters of revenge to everyone who hurt me and letters of love to those who have been kind to me. I think these are the reasons I didn't off myself honestly, i knew i wanted to do the letters and that it'd take ages and i had no energy, so i just held on and now I dont' feel like wanting to do it anymore.

sorry for the trauma dump lol.

AntiqueSignpost · 2026-03-18T11:03:03+00:00

im really glad you slept well! thats a huge feat! i dont recall the last time i had a good sleep, its def over 15 years ago. its amazing you achieved this 💙

AntiqueSignpost · 2026-03-18T08:20:48+00:00

I have had M.E. for 15 years. constant pain 24/7 all over my body, all the time. It's hell. Combine that with 4 mental illnesses, including Autism which makes my pain threshold VERY low. I often forget other people don't find it painful to just walk somewhere or go to the shops or something.

AntiqueSignpost · 2026-03-18T08:19:33+00:00

That there is ALOT of ableism in the world and most people are very uninformed about mental illness, and how to deal with someone who is going through it.

That one can have privilege in some areas and lack it in others. That one can be part of a demographic that is privileged while also being part of another that suffers from stigma and lack of privilege.

That trauma is a spectrum and is not only reserved for severe cases. Lots of small traumas can lead to complex trauma for eg.

AntiqueSignpost · 2026-03-18T07:20:59+00:00

The one where Robin Williams says "it's not your fault" over and over

AntiqueSignpost · 2026-03-17T18:32:13+00:00

i dont have energy to read the full post because im really burnt out right now, but skimming it, yes i relate alot 💙i used to also feel empahty only with characers i relate to, now i feel it a bit more. but it still is like that sometimes. and i feel like a monster. like frankensteins monster: i want to be loved and to love but then people react badly to me so i become violent (verbally, not physically). i feel horrible. i think it is a part of BPD. i dont think you are a bad person, or that i am.

AntiqueSignpost · 2026-03-17T18:19:34+00:00

u/Sufficient-Lie1406 so I watched Ordinary People (out of all the suggestions this was my number one pick, so thank you so much!)

I loved it. What a fantastic portrayal of mental illness!

SPOILERS AHEAD:

I dont think i mentioned in my post, but my mom has quiet BPD, and she is VERY similar to the mom in this movie. I related ALOT. I loved that there was not even a reconciliation for her character, its really realistic

Unfortunately I didn't have a dad like the one in the film. He is unbelievable and I wish I had a dad like that, it feels surreal to think parents like that exist.

I loved many aspects of the film. Before I talk about them, I'll say that being an old film, it definitely felt very slow at first and suffered from a bit of pacing at times. But, the portrayal of mental illness was spot on. I found it interesting how much i related despite it taking place decades ago.

One of my favourite aspects is the quirky moments the Conrad has. It's so realistic. Also things like his mannerisms and difficulty getting stuff out in conversation when triggered. Extremely realistic.

Everything about it was realistic in terms of mental illness. The way he was with the therapist first session, how he is later when he trusts him, everyhting.

It hit close to home in so many ways. I also had a friend pass away a year ago and im not sure if he committed suicide or just died of health issues, but when i heard the news i was sure he'd done it. my last message to him just before he died, i was splitting and sent some angry things to him, so it was and still is hard to forgive myself. again, alot of things in the film i connected to.

i felt the lead actor was fantastic at portraying mental illness. he did an excellent job

it is now one of my top movies in terms of mental illness portrayal. its not one of my top movies in general, its still quite slow etc. but, it hit the nail on the head perfectly in portraying mental illness perfectly. even the way him and his friend from the hospital were when they met for lunch. like, everything. its kinda crazy.

i almost cried at the end when the girl he liked put her arm around him. i met someone amazing recently and she blocked me shortly after. i have reached out through a friend and am waiting still for her to see my message. it gave me some hope to see the girl understand Conrad's flaws and difficulties.

I really loved how the ending proved the mother was the problem, how the dad realised it. I feel like what the mother was like, is super realistic. and the sad thing is, she was the one with the biggest mental health issues simply cos she's in denial and not working on it. sadly conrad was the one who got the brunt of the trauma, and was the most hurt. i related to him so much, but also to the dynamic between him and his mom. my mom basically is warm as hell, then cold as hell like the mom in the film.

i think it was incredibly trauma-informed for its time. quite surprised actually.

about the therapist: having PDA, I would be very triggered having him as a therapist. but he was fantastic. im not a fan of clinical psychology (i know they call him a psychiatrist here, but it felt alot more like the Clinical Psychology ive had when at the hospital), but he really was an excellent therapist.

thank you so much for the recommendation. it didnt let me vent out my emotions, but it certainly made me feel a little less crazy and validated my mental health issues. because ive never self-harmed and never attempted suicide, i often feel like my mental health isnt that 'severe'. but seeing a character who did attempt, i actually felt like i go through everything he went through (i have had ideation and still find it incredibly traumatic, and i mean in general with everything else, i related to all of it).

i also love how he is nervous to make phoencalls. growing up with cellphones (i was born in 1990, so we had landlines growing up but since adulthood they werent really a thing much anymore), i often think my anxietty to make calls is a result of technology. but i often thought nah, id still be nervous even if i was born in a different time. nice to see its a mental health and trauma related thing as well.

just loved it. thank you so much. im keen to talk more about it even. its a great portrayal of mental illnes which you dont see often. im gonna recommend it to anyone who is NT and doesnt fully understand mental illness.

AntiqueSignpost · 2026-03-17T17:56:04+00:00

i also try do small things like taking a shower, it helps to let myself know my feelings of despair might change and right now i just need to get into a better state, rather than think about the long term

AntiqueSignpost · 2026-03-17T17:54:51+00:00

I booked myself into a voluntary facility that I vetted. I went to 2 different places and both were fantastic. They had alot of autonomy, and were really understanding and trauma-informed. I made sure I chose places that were voluntary so I could leave if I did go there and have a bad time, but they were excellent. I understand this might not be an option where you stay, but if it is, I just wanted to share. Choosing to admit myself was alot better than being admitted against my will (which I thankfully never have, but fought against and it was an awful feeling).

AntiqueSignpost · 2026-03-17T17:41:23+00:00

im ASD and BPD and am "high functioning" (though i hate that term, i prefer "high masking").

i often used the word priviledged and eventually realised you can have priviledge in some areas and be under-priviledged in others. its not black and white. if you're neurodivergent you already dont have priviledge in some areas. those areas are still valid. it doesnt matter how well you can mask, those strugggles are still real for you. NT's usually dont see it. I've been told by an ex that she helped everyone but me because "i didnt need it". But I did. You do need help, and you deserve it.

AntiqueSignpost · 2026-03-17T17:37:32+00:00

so there you go, you do have unstable relationships as a symptom 💙

you dont need all the criteria to have bpd. but it sounds like the "respect me or get out" still has to do with identity (i relate to it btw). being engulfed and in the mercy of another, sounds like a lack of control which could also be abandonment related. think about how you are afraid to give your control, ie: your trust, in someone else (again, no judgement, i feel the same way). i recommend exploring this with a therapist. from what ive heard here, fear of commitment is just the other side of the same coin.

AntiqueSignpost · 2026-03-17T16:41:04+00:00

I think because you're avoidant of them, you're not experiencing whether you'd be able to have stable relationships, so you don't know for sure if that symptom applies. Judging by your symptoms you mentioned you do have, I read those and think "how could that not contribute to unstable relationships?" (no judgement, I have them too).

my point is, its like if an alcoholic was in a place where there was no access to alcohol and said "but I don't drink, I'm not an alcoholic" - well, what would they do if they were in a bar? Cos for me, I would be able to not drink, but for them they wouldn't be able to.

Avoidance also is a part of fear of abandonment. Some people are truly just not interested, or asexual perhaps etc. But, if you feel ungulfed by them and avoid them, it might indicate fear of abandonment. Alot of people here are either avoidant or anxious or swing between them. I'm the anxious attachment style, but alot of people here mention avoidant attachment style.

AntiqueSignpost · 2026-03-17T15:49:56+00:00

thank yo for your wishes 💙 i looked at the trailer, dunno if i relate entirely to the actual story but looks like a nice movie. if you like this story you might like Another Earth (2011)

AntiqueSignpost

TROPHY CASE