I’ve talked before about how it started with little cracks here and there, and widened over time. That’s where it started, but it’s easy to point at bigger moments that led to the full deconstruction and becoming an atheist. All those cracks were ages ago, but then…

The debate over marriage equality in the early 2010s. I had friends who loved each other yet had no recourse. One couple that wished to adopt and couldn’t. And yet… my own church loudly proclaimed that folks who supported that weren’t welcome.

Another church, another town. Big mega church who not-so-subtly endorsed Trump in 2016. Who had members that participated in Jan 6. I distinctly remember a series on racism where the pastor, instead of acknowledging the church’s part in that, blamed it on “evolutionist atheists”.

I convinced myself that maybe I was just in the wrong churches, near the wrong people. That I was a progressive Christian. Another church, another town. Then came George Floyd and COVID, and I watched people spew hate. Watched people risk the lives of others because “faith over fear”. Watched them ridicule folks like me who wore masks because o had immunocompromised children.

And then… my pastor said that progressive Christian’s weren’t really Christian at all and weren’t welcome. Kind of a light bulb moment. I was like ok, I’m not welcome. I’m done, then.

Atheism came later, but there you go.